I'm tired. I'm bored. This means I'm more likely to do something to entertain myself.
I'm going to skip over-checked quality control on this one. Whenever the current roster of players finishes posting, I'll post. Even if it comes out complete fail.
This is to get me over my need for over-checking and into having fun...
...First, I need to stop spell-checking everything three times...
No more than six players, please. Four dice limit on Cliches. Yada and Obvious Things.
I think this is pretty self-explanatory, so...
The crumbling city gives an impression of ruined grandeur. That's a fancy word you heard somewhere and it seems to fit. The place is a dump, but looks like it might have been nice.
There's a theater to your right that looks like it's half-there; a tavern to your left that you wish was all there and some crumbling buildings beside them. Might have been stores; might have been houses.
Oh, and then there's this horrible screeching sound and thus but-ugly thing with rotting skin is balanced on the second-floor balcony railing of the theater...And then it's leaping at you. My, those teeth and fangs look sharp.
But-ugly rotting thing with sharp teeth and fangs.
But-ugly 3d
Rip and tear 4d
Amazingly acrobatic for something that's dead 3d
Hmm...Still seems like a good idea in the morning...Er, afternoon...And awake.
*Sigh* It's not a 'forge' game, if that's what's keeping people away. It's a beer & pretzels comedy fast-play game. The closest you get to 'philosophy' is waggling the skulls jaw while pretending its 'Yorrick'. :D
QuoteCAPTAIN MARCO STERLING
Description: Owner/Operator of the freelance merchant starship Spring Session M. A swarthy, swashbuckling space captain with charisma, panache and a really cool spacer's jacket.
- Swashbuckling Merchant Starship Captain (3)
- Honors Graduate of the Antonio Banderas School for Boys Who Want To Grow Up To Be Antonio Banderas (4)
- Zorro With Guns (3).
HOOK: Marco won the Spring Session M fair and square in a game of cards. Unbeknownst to him, the previous owner didn't come by it half as honestly...and its original owner is still fairly unhappy about the whole affair. EDIT: The extra die went into an upgrade for the Session.
"By the---!" cries Captain Sterling, "I'm just here to sell some cat food!" He yanks a blaster from its ornate holster and unleashes a coruscating burst of energy at the rotting thing!
[I'll use "Zorro with Guns", and the Die roller on my handheld PDA sez I rolled an 11.]
Well, it's either Amazingly acrobatic for something that's dead or Rip and Tear. I'm going with the lower. (3d6=11) (http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/1793352/) - Aaand the dice are amused at our pathetic efforts.
Performing a spectacular mid-air flip, the butt-ugly thing dodges your pathetic attack and goes right smack into a convenient wall, in the long tradition of villains all the way to Wile E. Coyote, the (in)famous Space Speeder hunter.
Unfortunately, it doesn't look hurt.
Good, thinks Marco. It's distracted! He takes this opportunity to duck down an alley, where he crouches behind covering detritus. He then turns an eye on the thing, alert and blaster at the ready.
It wanders away from the wall and snuffles the air a bit. It's dumb as a brick, so I rolled a d6 on the desktop versus what, after I thought for about thirty seconds, was 10.
Obviously, it lost. Specifically, it lost by 8.
The Butt-ugly rotting thing wanders off down the road, grabs a *rat off the street and starts chewing.
* It's got six legs, is a foot long and looks like a vicious rodent.
You may resume your exploration of this ancient city, searching for treasure (Every lost city has rumors of treasure). Or, you may run away! Run away!
Well, I was thinking maybe I landed on this planet to deliver some gourmet cat food to a wealthy Crazy Old Cat Lady, but -- maybe I landed on the wrong planet?
Anyway, I head down the alley, away from the street. My blaster remains at the ready.
...I like that plot better.
Crazy old cat lady just happens to live in a ruined city. She's a crazy old cat lady. *Shrug*
You cross a few streets and one small overpass. Well, almost cross it. Then something grabs your backpack with the load of Precious Kitty Supreme, New and Improved, Now With Essential Minerals and Oils (Etc.) and takes off...All in complete silence.
When you turn around, you see you've been robbed by a Street Mime.
Street Mime
Creepy 4d
Completely Silent (No dice. They're just silent) and Crazy as a bedbug.
Random Thief 3d
Mime 3d
"Bastardo!" No one steals from Antonio Banderas, and no one steals from me! I give chase and roll 4 dice -- 16.
Random Thief 3d - 5, 5, 6? The dice, they mock our efforts to resolve conflicts! They mock, I say!
The Mime stays ahead of you. You stay behind the mime. A random dog-thing that thinks this is great fun runs laps around you both.
Random Dog-thing
Random Dog-thing 3d
Running 7d
It gets seven dice in a trait because it has no combat skills, so it is gimped.
Well, at least we're even! ...except I just rolled a 9.
Thunder rolls. It rolls a 5. A lightning bolt from a blue sky causes the Mime to stop suddenly.
Sensing your approach, it whirls around and draws an Invisible Hammer.
"Hold it, you freaky little glass-wall-fondlin' bastard!" I say, holding my blaster up as I approach. "Don't even think bout swingin' that...invisible...OK. My bag, right now."
Antonio Banderas roll of 16 if need be.
The Mime smiles a creepy smile and makes brain-bashing motions...(4d: 15! The dice relent, but threaten!) And then it backs away, awed by your machismo!
The dog-thing runs around the two of you, *barking happily. This is the most amusement he's had all month!
Street Mime
Creepy 3d/4d
Completely Silent (No dice. They're just silent) and Crazy as a bedbug.
Random Thief 3d
Mime 3d
* If you squint your ears.
I seize the bag of catfood. "And now, mime," I say as I motion with my blaster, "go somewhere far, far away and walk against the wind. Or something." I shoulder the bag, take a few steps backward...then turn and stride away most confidently.
"Damn mimes," I grumble. "One in every port."
As you stride away, the mime can be seen clutching at invisible bars and pretending to cry.
Just after you turn the corner, the mimes' smile becomes crazed...And evil. Followed by the mouthing of a (silent) prayer to He of Cruel Jokes, the White-Faced, Green-Haired one who Speaks.
Fear the wrath of an insane mime. For a mime is simply a wimpy clown...
You now have a dog-thing following you.
Make a roll to see if you get lost; don't fumble.
A Swashbuckling Starship Captain (3) rarely gets lost; the PDA says I rolled a 13.
Plus side: After meandering through the ruins, you find the Official Crazy Cat Ladies' Mansion and Clubhouse.
On the downside, one of the cats is a Venusian Dire Devilcat. Fortunately, it's asleep...Now, to get over the ornamental fence and through the door without being a cat-food delivery yourself!
Venusian Dire Devilcat
Man (Not Woman) Eater 4d
Lazy 3d
Tough 3d
Zorro could handle this -- and so can I! For I am a Zorro With Guns (3)!
...who rolled a 5.
The Devilcat is lazy - But not so lazy as to ignore blaster fire that scorches a random sociopathic fuzzball! With a great roar, it leaps over the fence and attacks! Man (Not Woman) Eater! It's still sleepy - But not so sleepy that it can't deal with one annoying person! 8!
(Pick a trait and take a -1d penalty)
I thought I was climbing, not shooting.
Given that you went with 'Zorro with Guns', shooting seemed kind of the thing you were doing.
However, climbing...Congratulations. You manage to climb the ornamental fence. You even manage to come down the other side quickly. Mayhap a tad more quickly than you would like.
Fortunately, the grass is soft and the Devilcat does not awaken.
QuoteTIG HARPE
- Thing That Should Not Be (3)
- Three Heads are Better than One (2)
The skinny: The three headed, tripedal spawn of distant dead stars, just trying to make a living as an entertainer. Until recently, singer with the house band at the Fiend Follies, a nightclub on the moon. Sang one too many duets with Ijmmay the Frog's main moll. Got sapped on his way home one night, tossed in a steamer trunk, and blasted to this crummy town. Now does singing telegrams, bar/bat mitzvahs, death kult conventions, retirement parties -- anything to scrape by. He looks like this (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_47-OQWm3mQc/SOYYJuq-PyI/AAAAAAAAAQo/WNZYQ6W_xcU/s1600-h/tig-harpe.jpg).
"Esmerelda Escher Memorial Feline Sanctuary and Country Club, hmmm. Man, singin' songs from Cats
fer friggin' cats. How low can a guy sink?"
Tig rings the buzzer at the front gate of the Official Crazy Cat Ladies' Mansion and Clubhouse.
I creep carefully across the --
Quote from: MaxTig rings the buzzer at the front gate of the Official Crazy Cat Ladies' Mansion and Clubhouse.
-- "Who the howler monkey are YOU?!"
Reflexively Tig's eyes blaze with the strange light of alien suns, and for an instant he's surrounded by a a nimbus of light the likes of which Mr Roy G Biv could never even dream of. Then he catches himself, snaps his fingers and says, "Tig Harpe Sings and Swings, at your service. I'm here for the monthly Ice Cream Social."
"Say, is that a Venusian Dire Devilcat?"
...Why, yes...It is. And now, for its fearsome battlecry...
*MEOW!*
The Devilcat has woken. The Devilcat has inspected the premises...
...The Devilcat has seen food, in the form of an Antonio Banderas wannabe! And hey, the other...Whatever...Could be classified as 'Man'. Its probably not 'Woman', anyway...
Captain Marco Sterling now has a charging Devilcat to deal with! See the fearsome maw! Fear the fearsome claws! Fear the 5, 5, 3, 2 dice roll! Man (Not Woman) Eater 4d: 15!
Acting with all the smarts, guile and wisdom his three brains can muster, Tig launches into "Memory" in soothing three part harmony. For music soothes the savage beast!
Crooner 4d: 17!
"Fool!" cries Marco, "You woke it up! It's going to --"
As the devilcat strikes, Marco's blaster flashes its deadly beam!
And my PDA sez my "Zorro With Guns" roll is a 13!
A sleepy Devilcat is gnawing on Marco's arm! Take -1d damage.
Man (Not Woman) Eater: 3d/4d: 4! Mmm, *Snore* Chew...
Tig segues into a mambo arrangement of the Cure's "Lovecats," hoping to convince the Devilcat to seek romance -- don't matter if it's in dreams or in a back alley, long as it's somewhere else, dig?
Crooner 4d: 16
I'll lose 1 off of "Zorro With Guns", and watch to see what the three-headed dude manages.
16 vs. 4? With rolls like that, the Devilcat looses -2d.
The Devilcat stops chewing on Marco's arm and gets a thoughtful look on its face. Then it wanders off a bit and lets out a loud YOWL! A distant YOWL! answers it. 'In the Jungle, the quiet jungle' starts playing from nowhere as it leaps over the fence and prances off down the street.
The door behind you creaks open. Should you turn to look, you'll see a blue-haired old lady with cat ears and tail and cookies on a pan. The cookies smell of dog. You may or may not want to ask.
"Hello, dears. Cookies?"
"Who's the fool now, hambone?" Tig needles Marco.
The triploid leans on the gate, rolling a toothpick from one side of his mouth to the other, waiting to be let in.
*Calling Dr. Rotwang. It has only been two days, but this is a very fast-play game...*
Sorry, I was under the weather.
Okay! I approach the gate and whisper, "Why are YOU here? Have you business here? And why should I let you in?"
(No problem. :) )
The blue-haired old lady blinks a few times, then starts feeding the cookies to the cats.
"Oh! Madam! Your catfood!" I walk closer with the backpack held up...
...but I eye her carefully. Too many surprises around here.
Quote from: Dr Rotwang!;263202Okay! I approach the gate and whisper, "Why are YOU here? Have you business here? And why should I let you in?"
"Tig Harpe, Singer, Dancer, All-Around Razzmatazz. I'm here for a birthday party," I reply, speaking loudly so the old geezer lady will hear to. More quietly, "And say, what's yer story? You come strapped pretty heavy for a delivery boy."
(My bad - Missed that I had something to respond to)
"Oh, the cat food! Bring it in here and set it on the alter!" She says with a cheerful smile.
...Perhaps you shouldn't have taken a delivery for Bast's Holy Catfood Company.
Quote from: Narf the Mouse;263460(My bad - Missed that I had something to respond to)
"Oh, the cat food! Bring it in here and set it on the alter!" She says with a cheerful smile.
...Perhaps you shouldn't have taken a delivery for Bast's Holy Catfood Company.
"Eh...my contract -- " I say, digging out a little wadded-up piece of paper, "-- does not cover installation." I put the bag over my shoulder and point to the piece of paper. "If you'd be so kind to make the payment of 2000 credits, I'll be on my way."
In response to Tig, I look sourly at the giant devil-cat, then motion to the gun at my hip.
I shrug, unmoved by the tough guy act. I've been around tough guys before.
With a wink at the delivery guy I call out "Begging your pardon, ma'am, but if you could buzz me in and show me where to set up I'd be grateful."
The giant devilcat wandered off to 'have a good time' and is out of sight, but you can still look sourly in the appropriate direction. :)
"Oh, well, contracts. All that law stuff...Makes my head hurt and then I have a nap." The old cat-lady digs out five 500-credit markers. "Here you go. Keep the change. Buy yourself some nice clothes." She says with a smile.
Tig hears a *bzzzz* and then the gate opens. "Oh, we've heard so much about you and Marge went to one of your concerts once. But Marge is scandalously energetic!"
I enter and sidle up the walk, my Ultra Compact Lunar-Actuated Microampliphone in tow. "Hey there Mo, Shlomo, Giacomo! How you been, Little Jen?" I give each cat a nickname as I walk by, accustomed to life on the moon where, by law, sentience is universal. "What's cookin' cats and kittens?"
"Marge never told me she had a younger sister," I say to the old gal at the door.
Marco pockets the creds and gives the old lady a wink. Hey, it's Day One stuff from school. He heads back to his ship and hopes for no mimes. He can be removed from play if the GM wishes.
Quote"Hey there Mo, Shlomo, Giacomo! How you been, Little Jen?" I give each cat a nickname as I walk by, accustomed to life on the moon where, by law, sentience is universal.
"My name's Brisket!" snarls a surly-looking Prussian Blue. "What's this 'Giacomo' stuff?!"
QuoteBRISKET
A surly-looking sentient Prussian Blue cat. He wears a shabby red collar with a broken jingle-bell on it. He desperately wants thumbs.
Sentient Cat (5), Surly Damn Curmudgeon (3), Connoisseur Of Fine Catfood (3)
HOOK: Desperately Seeking Thumbs (1 extra die, applied to 'Sentient Cat')
"Giacomo schlockomo, a brisket by any other name is still a slab of beef, right?" I extend one of my arm spikes*. "Pleased to meet you. Tig Harpe, Entertainer."
*Which are thumbless, you'll note.
Marco has left the building. Great fanfare and applause for him, who'll never be seen or heard from again. *Straight face*
Also, he gets +2 XP.
Inside the building, a great ceremony is being enacted around some Holy Bast Catfood. First, the slaying of the Sacrificial Mice...(Unfortunately, due to ordinances, cloned without brains, which somewhat limits the excitement)...
Quote from: ttagxamm;263919"Giacomo schlockomo, a brisket by any other name is still a slab of beef, right?" I extend one of my arm spikes*. "Pleased to meet you. Tig Harpe, Entertainer."
"I'll beef
you, six-eyes. And we'll
see how well you entertain."
I walk a few feet, stop to lick my butt, get back up and casually wander over to the altar. "Beverly," I say to the old lady, "are you sure you don't want to rethink this? 'Cause the-- hang on." I bat at a nearby sacrificial mouse, which has landed near me due to someone else's pouncing. "'Cause the food's not impressing me and it sure as hell isn't gonna impress whoever it is you're praying to. This week."
"Aw c'mon, don't...I don't need to see your kitty area," I wince at the moggy's self-ablution. "Those are some stale biscuits, Brisket."
Stepping up to the altar I begin setting up my stuff. When I figure noone's looking I'll devour one of the mice in a hellish -- yet stealthy -- display of alien hunger.
Thing That Should Not Be (3): 12!
Quote from: ttagxamm;263979"Aw c'mon, don't...I don't need to see your kitty area," I wince at the moggy's self-ablution. "Those are some stale biscuits, Brisket."
"Your Mom," I yawn, and quickly add -- "if you
have one."
"My mother was a saint. The hounds of tindalos tore her to pieces like cotton candy," I reply, trailing off into a gibbering mumble.
No-one notices the mouse disappear, possibly because 'Hellish, yet stealthy display of alien hunger' well describes the way cats play with their food.
The old cat-lady hisses "Bast will bring us catnip! I know it! It says so on the can!"
Hmm...Is this dead?
[Oh ye of little faith. Just waitin' for the Doc but I'll jump in to keep things moving]
I rack two out of my three brains trying to remember if Meyer "Burbles" Lang did any business on the cruddy excuse for a planet. If I can hook up the old broad, and open a new market for Burbles....well, Burbles, he's tight with Ijmmay the Frog, and maybe he could put in a good word...
Mobbed Up (1): 2
:(
I harrumph as only a cat can. "She'd damn well BETTER show up, but -- "
I stop! Stare! At....something!
"...uh...what? Oh! No. I want something else from her."
I blink and look at six-eyes. "No, thanks, I gave at the office."
You don't know if 'Burbles' played here, but you're pretty sure 'Chuck the Mighty' played here. You might want to make sure none of the suck got left behind.
*Ring*Ring* "Welcome to Bast hotline. I'm either asleep, eating or tomfooling. Speak #1 to tell me how great I am; Speak #2 to offer food..."
"#2!"
*Ding!* "Enjoy your two-hour drugged out haze! ta-ta!"
The can of catfood disappears.
Make save vs. weed, if your ancestry contains feline.
(OOC: Plot? Not here! :D)
Eh...whaddoo I roll?
Whoops.
Versus 10. :D
If you don't have an applicable cliche, roll 1d6.
...I've been wondering if that was a bad move...And then I realized it was railroading.
Oops. :banghead:
If you're still interested, can I get some advice on this?
And if it was that that killed the game, er - Next time, please tell me. I can be remarkably oblivious socially, sometimes. :o
Narf, it's probably not that -- Doc's been having computer difficulties. He has, and I'll admit this is somewhat puzzling, blogged about them recently.
When he's back online maybe we can give this another go. I'd be up for it.
...Probably borrowed someones' computer.
Although that is a relief...Of sorts. Thanks. :)