BURNING HANS, Level 5 wizard spell    Casting time: 1
Range: 50 ft.
Duration: 1rd/level of caster
Save: See Below
Spell Resistance: None
Components: V, S
The caster summons a flaming Teutonic man who runs around the room, screaming, and setting things on fire.  The Teuton moves at a speed of 40ft./round.  Any flammable objects in its path have a 50% chance of catching fire, which then burns as a normal flame; living targets take 1d6 damage unless a successful Dexterity save is made.

Okay, now it's your turn.

I Cross the Buddha with My Waistband

Level: Clr 4, Drd 7
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 action
Range: Medium
Duration: 1 hr/level
Saving Throw: None!

This potent dweomer is effective only in the temple precincts of religions that proscribe a rigorously ascetic lifestyle. It will cause instant, massive obesity in the target, with a concomitant loss of -5 to CHA and DEX.

The caster needs to gain access to these precincts, then pronounce the divine words even as he designates a target with his right hand and uses his left to extend his own waistband as far away from his body as possible.

The Amazing Prismatic Pie
T&T variant pastry spell.

Level 14
Cost to learn: 6500 GP
IQ req: 36
DX req: 21
Cost/ST: 42

Creates a blinding, luminescent pie that cannot be penetrated by lower-level magic or weapons. With a L2SR on ST, and a DX roll appropriate to a thrown weapon, the wizard may hurl the pie. Any creature faced by the pie may make a L14SR on ST (or IQ) to splatter the pie, with damage distributed across a wide area.

Magick Mthyl

Level: 0
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 action
Range: Medium
Duration: instant
Saving Throw: None!

Upon focussing their aura really hard the user thinks they have blasted the enemy with a blast of Magickal energy.  As they are convinced of their own supremacy they will then completely ignore the target, thus becoming immune to fear and gaze attacks originating from it.

Quote from: David JohansenMagick Mthyl

Level: 0
Components: V, S
Casting time: 1 action
Range: Medium
Duration: instant
Saving Throw: None!

Upon focussing their aura really hard the user thinks they have blasted the enemy with a blast of Magickal energy.  As they are convinced of their own supremacy they will then completely ignore the target, thus becoming immune to fear and gaze attacks originating from it.

That's...pretty useful, right there.

Summon Monster, Hostile

Conjuration
Level:    Brd 1, Clr 1, Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S, F/DF
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
Effect: One summoned and fucking irate creature
Duration: 1 round/level (D)
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

This spell summons an extraplanar creature (typically an outsider, elemental, or magical beast native to another plane), but only while they're right in the middle of something really important, like masturbating or filing income taxes the day before they're due. It appears where you designate and acts immediately, on your turn, doing it's utmost to kick your ass in the limited allotment of time it has before the spell expires. The creature is considered to be raging as a barbarian with a level equal to its Hit Dice.

Arcane Focus
A tiny bag and a Jerky Boys cassette.

Incendiary Clown, Level 6 wizard spell    Casting time: 1
Range: 75 ft.
Duration: 1rd/level of caster
Save: See Below
Spell Resistance: None
Components: V, S
The caster summons a humanoid wearing a clown costume or jester's motley who honks its oversized red nose at the target, then bursts into flame and runs around the room, screaming, and setting things on fire.  The clown moves at a speed of 20ft./round due to its oversized red floppy shoes.  Any flammable objects in its path have a 50% chance of catching fire, which then burns as a normal flame; living targets take 1d6 damage unless a successful Dexterity save is made. While the clown is on fire, everyone seeing the flaming clown is also subjected to the effects of a Tasha's Hideous Laughter spell (since we all know that everything is funnier when it is on fire).

Pass Wind/Gas Without Trace - 1st level Druid/Ranger spell

Components: V,S,DF
Casting time: 1 action
Range: Touch
Targets: One creature/level touched
Duration: 10 minutes/level
Saving throw: Will negates (harmless)
Spell resistance: Yes (harmless)

The subjects can pass wind/gas without any audible noise and with no accompaning smell.

Quote from: One Horse TownPass Wind/Gas Without Trace - 1st level Druid/Ranger spell

Components: V,S,DF
Casting time: 1 action
Range: Touch
Targets: One creature/level touched
Duration: 10 minutes/level
Saving throw: Will negates (harmless)
Spell resistance: Yes (harmless)

The subjects can pass wind/gas without any audible noise and with no accompaning smell.

but it's no fun without the smell attack!

:fart:

Inert Disk
Evocation [Force]

Level: Sor/Wiz 1
Components: V, S, M
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: Close (2 in. + 1 in./2 levels)
Effect: 3-ft.-diameter disk of solid lead
Duration: Indefinite
Saving Throw: None
Spell Resistance: No

You create a slightly concave, circular plane of lead that stays absolutely still until you pick it up, roll it, or otherwise manage to move it. The disk is 3 feet in diameter and 3 inches deep at its center. It can hold virtually any amount of weight per caster level. The disk rests firmly on the ground at all times and remains as level as the surface on which it rests.

Material Component
A three-foot wide, 3-inch thick disk of lead

!i!

Tenser's Floating Whisk

Level: Wiz 4, Baker 3
Components: V, S, M (Recipe Book, Sticky Fingers)
Casting time: 1 action
Range: Medium
Duration: 10 rounds/level
Saving Throw: Ref

Ideal for sorcerous cakes of all sizes. Can double as a magical missile that inflicts 1d2 subdual damage against Puddings.

Zone of Cylons

Illusion (Glamer)
Level: Brd 4
Components: V, S
Casting Time: 1 round
Range: Personal
Area: 5-ft.-radius emanation centered on you
Duration: 1 hour/level (D)

By casting zone of cylons, you manipulate sound waves in your immediate vicinity so that those within the spell's area can only communicate in badly-synthesized voices with speech limited to curt phrases like "As you command".

Devine Power

Evocation
Level: Politician 4
Components: V, S, DF
Casting Time: 1 standard action
Range: 1 province
Target: 4-5 budgetary cycles
Duration: 4-5 years

This spell grants you the ability to get re-elected while running up record deficits and wrecking provincial infrastructure, all the while espousing the merits of the free market.  Can be countered by casting Cabinet Minister Corruption.  Spell only makes sense if you've lived in Saskatchewan. :haw:

This is a great idea for a thread.  

I've always figured, that the Power Word spells started as a whole series - you gotta start small before you start dropping the instakills.  After an amazingly small amount of research, I found the rest of the series.  Now, I know why they are no longer taught.  Here they are anyway:


 Power Word Blonde
  Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
  Level: Sor/Wiz 1
  Components: V
  Casting Time: 1 standard action
  Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
  Target: One creature with 50 hp or less
  Duration: See text
  Saving Throw: None
  Spell Resistance: Yes
  You utter a single word of power that causes all hair on one creature of your choice to become blonde, whether the creature can hear the word or not.   The effect is permanent (unless dyed) but will grow in as the original color.  As long as the hair is blonde, estimates of the targets intelligence are reduced by 4.
 
 
  Power Word Kill the Moment
  Enchantment (Compulsion) [ Mind-Affecting]
  Level: Sor/Wiz 2
  Components: V
  Casting Time: 1 standard action
  Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
  Target: One living creature with 100 hp or less
  Duration: Instantaneous
  Saving Throw: None
  Spell Resistance: Yes
  This spell draws upon the power of magic academy roommates everywhere.  You utter a single word of power that instantly kills amorous intent towards one creature of your choice, whether the creature can hear the word or not.  Any attempts to restart affection within the next hour have a -10 penalty.
 
 
  Power Word Color Blind
  Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
  Level: Sor/Wiz 3
  Components: V
  Casting Time: 1 standard action
  Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
  Target: One creature with 200 hp or less
  Duration: See text
  Saving Throw: None
  Spell Resistance: Yes
  You utter a single word of power that causes one creature of your choice to become red-green color blind, whether the creature can hear the word or not. The duration is permanent but may be healed by magical means.  The target must make a wisdom check (DC 20) to realize their condition.
 
 
  Power Word Pun
  Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
  Level: Sor/Wiz 4
  Components: V
  Casting Time: 1 standard action
  Range: 0
  Target: All creatures within 25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels
  Duration: 1 round
  Saving Throw: Will Negates
  Spell Resistance: Yes
  You utter a single word of power that instantly causes all creatures within the area of affect to become mesmerized by your wordplay, whether the creatures can hear the word or not.  Those who make their will save are unaffected and receive +2 to hit and damage rolls vs. the caster for the current round.
 
  Power Word Snark
  Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
  Level: Sor/Wiz 5
  Components: V
  Casting Time: 1 standard action
  Range: 0
  Target: All creatures within 25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels
  Duration: 1 round
  Saving Throw: None
  Spell Resistance: Yes
  You utter a single word of power (an insult, swear word, or fart) that instantly causes all creatures within the area of affect (including the caster) to become stunned by your audacity, whether the creatures can hear the word or not.  After 1 round (the caster’s next action), action continues as before.


 
  Power Word Nuts
  Enchantment (Compulsion) [Mind-Affecting]
  Level: Sor/Wiz 6
  Components: V
  Casting Time: 1 standard action
  Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)
  Target: One creature with 200 hp or less
  Duration: See text
  Saving Throw: None
  Spell Resistance: Yes
  You utter a single word of power that causes one creature of your choice to become terrified of damage to their genitals, whether the creature can hear the word or not.  One of their arms/appendages must do nothing other than protect their jewels.  The duration of the spell depends on the target’s current hit point total. Any creature that currently has 301 or more hit points is unaffected by power word nuts.
 
          Hit Points  Duration
50 or less   2d4 hours
             51–100      4d4 rounds
             101–150    2d4 rounds
             151-300    1d4 rounds