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"The monsters eat FUCK YOU, that's what they eat."

Started by Gronan of Simmerya, February 13, 2016, 06:59:55 PM

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Gronan of Simmerya

February 13, 2016, 06:59:55 PM
I'm breaking my lenten Internet fast to share something.

I've said before that when Phil Barker scoffed at my dungeon as "unrealistic" and asked "what do the monsters eat, anyway" I put a McDonald's on the sixth level.

Well, getting ready for GaryCon, I FOUND that key.  It was actually the 7th level, but hey, after 41 years that's doing good.

So, here are the prices from the McDonald's just off the University of Minnesota Campus in 1974, only in copper pieces:

Hamburger     33 coppers
Cheeseburger 38
Double Hamburger  60
Double Cheese       70
Filet of Fish     39
Fries               25
Large Fries       40
Onion Rings      45
Shakes, Choc, Straw, Vanilla  39
Orca Cola  15 & 29   Without*, 29 & 58
Sprite Root beer Grape  same
Orange  20 & 39 (no, I have no idea why)
Hot Apple Pie   41


*100 XP to the first one who figures "without what" without looking it up
You should go to GaryCon.  Period.

The rules can\'t cure stupid, and the rules can\'t cure asshole.

yosemitemike

#1
February 13, 2016, 07:09:14 PM
They eat other monsters and careless adventurers.
"I am certain, however, that nothing has done so much to destroy the juridical safeguards of individual freedom as the striving after this mirage of social justice."― Friedrich Hayek
Another former RPGnet member permanently banned for calling out the staff there on their abdication of their responsibilities as moderators and admins and their abject surrender to the whims of the shrillest and most self-righteous members of the community.

Omega

#2
February 13, 2016, 07:21:13 PM
Is this the genesis of the "Rat on a Stick" fast food franchise module by Judges Guild way back?

Simlasa

#3
February 13, 2016, 07:21:14 PM
Kinda reminds me of my favorite World of Warcraft dungeon that has a bar in the middle of it (and a band that plays every night if you get there on time).

BoxCrayonTales

#4
February 13, 2016, 07:55:02 PM
13th Age has living dungeons a la Dungeon Keeper or Overlord, which easily explains away the sheer absurdity of the whole dungeon concept in the first place.

Omega

#5
February 13, 2016, 08:17:40 PM
Quote from: BoxCrayonTales;87880413th Age has living dungeons a la Dungeon Keeper or Overlord, which easily explains away the sheer absurdity of the whole dungeon concept in the first place.

This old chestnut? Its absurd only if you dont think things through. Try again please.

RunningLaser

#6
February 13, 2016, 08:21:11 PM
I don't give a rat's ass about monster ecology, dungeon ecology, dungeon history.....  I don't bat an eye when a thousand year old treasure chest is opened and a viper is ready and waiting to bite a hapless adventurer inside.  I think people forget what the last letter in RPG stands for.  

That should be rule zero point one- FUCK YOU.

game on!

Christopher Brady

#7
February 13, 2016, 08:51:28 PM
Quote from: Simlasa;878800Kinda reminds me of my favorite World of Warcraft dungeon that has a bar in the middle of it (and a band that plays every night if you get there on time).

To be fair Blackrock Depths was a Shadow Dwarven stronghold, not really a 'classic' D&D style dungeon, where you raid commando style and find different monsters that don't normally associate with each other.

And the Grim Guzzler patrons could (and would) get pretty rowdy.  After all Phalanx the Stone Golem was needed to keep the peace.

Quote from: RunningLaser;878809I don't give a rat's ass about monster ecology, dungeon ecology, dungeon history.....  I don't bat an eye when a thousand year old treasure chest is opened and a viper is ready and waiting to bite a hapless adventurer inside.  I think people forget what the last letter in RPG stands for.  

That should be rule zero point one- FUCK YOU.

game on!

Whatever happens to the first two letters, though?  It's nice to focus on one, but it's not called a 'Game'.  It's called a 'Role Playing Game'.  Besides, your way is just ONE way to play.  Other people want more, or maybe a different sort of direction to play.

And secondly, please don't start with the 'one true way to play' crap.  We get it enough already.
"And now, my friends, a Dragon\'s toast!  To life\'s little blessings:  wars, plagues and all forms of evil.  Their presence keeps us alert --- and their absence makes us grateful." -T.A. Barron[/SIZE]

crkrueger

#9
February 13, 2016, 09:54:03 PM
Quote from: Christopher Brady;878818And the Grim Guzzler patrons could (and would) get pretty rowdy.  After all Phalanx the Stone Golem was needed to keep the peace.
Oh my god, the TPKs there were crazy.  It was one of the only places in WoW where you could get EQ-like battles.  Reminded me of the Runnyeye Goblin town or Mistmoore when someone aggroed the whole castle.  Of course nothing will ever beat Lower Guk for sheer crazyiness.
Even the the "cutting edge" storygamers for all their talk of narrative, plot, and drama are fucking obsessed with the god damned rules they use. - Estar

Yes, Sean Connery\'s thumb does indeed do megadamage. - Spinachcat

Isuldur is a badass because he stopped Sauron with a broken sword, but Iluvatar is the badass because he stopped Sauron with a hobbit. -Malleus Arianorum

"Tangency Edition" D&D would have no classes or races, but 17 genders to choose from. -TristramEvans

Shipyard Locked

#10
February 13, 2016, 10:05:13 PM
Quote from: CRKrueger;878835Of course nothing will ever beat Lower Guk for sheer crazyiness.

I never got to experience Lower Guk, but my brothers still speak of it to each other with smirks of wistful horror.

crkrueger

#11
February 13, 2016, 10:11:32 PM
Quote from: Shipyard Locked;878837I never got to experience Lower Guk, but my brothers still speak of it to each other with smirks of wistful horror.

It was glorious.
Even the the "cutting edge" storygamers for all their talk of narrative, plot, and drama are fucking obsessed with the god damned rules they use. - Estar

Yes, Sean Connery\'s thumb does indeed do megadamage. - Spinachcat

Isuldur is a badass because he stopped Sauron with a broken sword, but Iluvatar is the badass because he stopped Sauron with a hobbit. -Malleus Arianorum

"Tangency Edition" D&D would have no classes or races, but 17 genders to choose from. -TristramEvans

Gronan of Simmerya

#12
February 13, 2016, 10:49:13 PM
Quote from: JasperAK;878834without ice

Good guess, but nope.
You should go to GaryCon.  Period.

The rules can\'t cure stupid, and the rules can\'t cure asshole.

Ravenswing

#14
February 14, 2016, 06:29:08 AM
Without sugar, of course.  Those monsters don't get good dental care down on the 7th level.
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