Need to make an intelligent magic weapon more interesting? Add some personality to it by rolling on this table! Post more if you can think of some.

1. The weapon's surface can absorb alcohol, allowing it to get drunk. It constantly demands a variety of alcoholic beverages.

2. The weapon has a mentor, an older intelligent magic weapon it studies and looks up to. The older item considers the younger one an adopted child and gets frustrated when they are separated.

3. The weapon plays a particular chess-like board game extremely well. It cannot move the pieces itself, but issues verbal move commands to any assistant it can get. Many experts at that game seek it out to challenge it.

4. The weapon has a perverse desire to be used as a cooking implement and gets a little upset when it has to be used to k-k-kill things!

5. The weapon was once the brains behind a small kingdom but got found out and exiled. Loyal old subjects and vengeful political rivals occasionally track it down.

6. The weapon can memorize the contents of non-magical books by touching them, and can recite any it has learned in a beautiful reading voice. It constantly offers to do so for its wielder, and if not asked it will sometimes recite in a whisper anyway.

7. The weapon is mildly fixated on the condition of its wielder's hands when being held by them, and will whinge if they are too dirty, rough, sweaty, small, etc. It still raves about its 'greatest' wielder, a frilly princess with hands like porcelain.

8. The weapon loves small children and considers itself an ideal toy for them, whether it actually is or not. It insists it can prevent accidental injuries and no evidence can convince it otherwise.

9. The weapon was used as an execution implement for years and is most comfortable in that role. Pitched combat unnerves it, especially if it isn't being used to mete out 'proper justice'.

10. The weapon loves to be shoved into different textures and critiques them in terms reminiscent of a wine aficionado. Sometimes it will pick out a victim or substance purely for this reason and try to urge its wielder to comply.

11. The weapon can dispense poison, but also wild recreational drugs. It's more than happy to supply its wielder with the latter, as its a party animal and finds intoxicated people hilarious. Watch out for the criminals who want to claim it as a cash cow however...

12. The weapon has gradually become an expert at appraising art objects and wants to go into business doing so. It's looking for a wielder who could be a partner in such an enterprise.

13. The weapon wants to be a real boy.

14. The weapon has a well-known history of telepathically whispering to people and manipulating events around it to start wars so it can revel in the slaughter. However, now it swears that it has found religion and is beyond such senseless mayhem, wanting only to be used for good.

15. The weapon is a great therapist or confessor, but it is still haunted by the one wielder it couldn't save.

16. The weapon can transform into a dog and prefers to live that way, but it will obediently serve its wielder when called... assuming it hasn't been distracted by other dogs that is.

17. Every couple of days the weapon teleports to a different wielder to see how they are doing and if they need more help than the others. It has a 'harem' of about five or six such wielders and loves them all. Unfortunately it also gossips about them. It gets very upset if prevented from teleporting and will refuse to work.

18. The weapon can verbally guide any wielder through a series of simple magical instructions that will convert certain ingredients into an exact copy of the weapon. The desire to 'reproduce' this way is the weapon's strongest instinctual drive. It's kind of creepy actually.

19. The weapon is a vociferous fashion critic. Friend or foe, prepare to have your sartorial choices nit-picked!

20. When it bonds with a wielder, the weapon's personality becomes that of someone very close to the wielder who died. The mimicry is uncanny in its accuracy, right down to the voice, but it can only reconstruct aspects of the person that the wielder knew about, not secrets or private opinions. The weapon will not work properly for someone who hasn't experienced the tragic loss of a loved one.

The weapon was was a normal man or woman, but was transformed (or its spirit was imprisoned in the blade) by a jealous rival. It has been separated from its lost love for years and is desperate to re-unite. It can only communicate its will to the weirder by writing messages with sprays of blood as it attacks (perhaps some other inventive methods crop up the longer the weirder and blade interact).

:hatsoff:

Great stuff! Subbed.

Awesome!

Thank you.

Really great stuff!
Number 17 in particular is calling to me as a source of great comedy and possible ultra-violence.

Some very clever choices!