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Spikes Races: Or lets all Drink Together by and by...

Started by Spike, October 14, 2007, 11:59:54 AM

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Spike

When discussing cultural differences between species it can be difficult to select traits that are truely racial from those that are merely cultural.  There are, for example, at least five major Elven cultures, two human megacultures and a legion of minor regional cultures, and of the Dwarves... well, no one, not man nor dwarf has been made home in enough clanholds and halls to judge the number of cultures that may... or may not... exist, though for we do know that there are at least two.

However, all species must consume to survive, even the mighty dragons are not immune to this law. And with few exceptions every species has developed alcoholic beverages. In the study of these beverages one may find insights into both racial differences and cultural ones.

Famously, the Dwarves are heavy drinkers. By human reckonning every Dwarf is, from infancy on, an alcoholic. Dwarves deprived of alcohol grow lethargic and sick within a few days, in rare cases within hours. They tend to be highly resistant, but not immune, to the intoxicating effects of alcohol.
Interestingly, however, wine, brandy or even mead have no effects upon the dwarven thirst. A dwarf can drink, and even enjoy, such beverages... though few do... but will still sicken without 'beer'.
Dwarven beer, or ale as some insist on calling it erroniously, is nearly unpalatable to other species. It is extremely thick and dark, served at room temperature, and managing to be both incredibly bitter and yet sour with excessive fermentation at the same time. The consistancy of Dwarven Beer is best described as soupy, and a dwarf with access to beer has little need for solid food.  Dwarves handed a human beer with a foamy head will complain that 'it ain't done yet', and then have harsh words for how weak it is, how dull the taste, and possibly complaints that chilling it, if done, has ruined it.  
Dwarves are less famous for their breads. Often thick and rich and hearty, filled with bits of nuts and other bits, flavored with 'Dwarven Honey'... a molasses like syrup made as a byproduct of their wheat fermentation process, it is prized by some travelers for its long shelf life and rich taste. Dwarven bakers can be found in many human cities, selling to a wide and varied clientel.  They often double as 'resteraunts' of a sort, where small, meal sized loaves are sold, hollowed out and stuffed with an assortment of meats and vegetables, sometimes baked inside, sometimes served cold. The Dwarven word for such establishments is 'Delichaokar' often shortened to Deli by the other races.  In the south, however, such establishments are significantly different and as the language is different are called 'Hrukvorth' by the local dwarves and 'Immerira' in Tenebrian, a word that translates into Full Belly-Wallet, or very occasionally by less charitable translators into 'cheap food'.   Travelers should be warned that Hrukvorths typically fill their bread loaves before baking with candied rodents and certain breeds of beetle known for their taste, and if such things are not desired then the traveler should stick to the stuffed peppers, while inferior to the smaller Savannah grown 'Chilis' are still quite tasty when roasted and filled with a grain mash.  Strangely, the dwarves have no taste for Chilies, and are among the few civilized races that do not purchase them in any quantity.  Dwarves use honey, both the normal type and the 'Dwarven Honey' extensively in their recepies, and they are considered by some the inventors of beekeeping.

Elven fermentation practices are both familiar and unique.  While the Illyri of the north have little native wine or brandy, importing most of their drink from the human kingdoms, the remaining elven cultures all use techniques perfected by the Siti thousands of years ago. The Siti, consumate gardeners that they are, prefer to ferment 'on the vine', a practice which is difficult to replicate and provides for the unique flavor of Elvish vintages. Elves prefer fruit based drinks, and again, only the Illyri have enough agriculture to even consider grain or root based alcohols.  Elvish wines, often strong enough to be classified as brandies by human conisseurs, are very popular among human and even orcish consumers and are exported in small quantities at high cost.
however, it wasn't until 700 years ago when it was discovered that the Elves were exporting casks of 'failed' fermenting.  A human ambassador was served, with high honor, from his elvish counterparts personal stock and the resulting diplomatic incident nearly lead to war between Illyria and the Northrun Nornan Empire. Elves palates prefer a wine that humans would consider 'gone off', though they are capable of enjoying human vintages just as well.  Still, even 'bad' elvish wines are reknown for their clarity and lightness, as their distilling process removes even the faintest trace of sediment.  The Siti Elves are said to have a custom known as 'First Glass', said to be the penultimate honor or wine expirence for the elven conisseur, the custom involves processessing and drinking (or giving away on the spot) the very first glass of wine from a batch while still in the garden and while the fruit is still attached to the mother plant.  It is said that the fruit is grown inside a small bottle and when ready is somehow wrapped with heavy cloth inside the bottle. The Bottle is then pulled off the fruit, pulping it, squeezing out the juice into the bottle, leaving the brutalized remains on the vine.  According to some contradictoray sources, the true 'First Glass' is actually the second pressing of the fruit performed some days later.  It is said by some that the drinker can savor the exquisite agony of the fruit... if not a myth then surely some magic would be involved. However, as no human has ever been to the 'First City' of the Elves, all such reports are pure conjecture. The traveller is advised not to attempt it, Elvish hunter-guardians will shoot and consume the wayward traveller as they would any other maurading animal.

The Halflings do not ferment or consume fermented beverages. Alcohol is toxic to them in even small quantities.   While many halflings consider themselves gourmands and expert cooks, most other species find their foods a wee bit undercooked and overly 'busy'.  Still, some human patrons proclaim that halfling resteraunts provide for a food expirence that is unmatched by any other species.  For a true expirence, take along an expert guide, for apparently the order and portion consumed is a vital part of the dining expirence, and varies wildly with the dishes presented.  It is said that enjoying halfling food is more an art than a science, particularly as no to meals will ever be exactly the same.

Orcish beverages should be consumed with extreme caution by humans. Orcs can eat a variety of foods that would be lethal to other species, and their alcohol is little different. While their rootstock beverages, distilled from carrots, potatoes and even goam-root are safe enough, particularly if watered down to a reasonable extent, they are also known for consuming a beverage known to alchemists as 'wood alcohol', which is lethal to every other species.  Many tribes preserve secret recepies unique to themselves, and orcs will brew alcohol from almost anything.  Those native to the southern badlands for example brew a unique liqour from MudBoar Liver, and ferment the milk of the Hassanti they ride.  Both are acquired tastes, and in the former the only known brewing from animal parts.  Due to scarce resources, many orcish tribes ferment milk, though such practice is almost unheard of where orcs have built cities, suggesting it is culturally driven rather than racially.
Orcish cuisine is unique as well. Orcs universally prefer dried foods to fresh and are considered masters of preserving foods, even surpassing the dwarves in such practices.   They may enjoy the new young bark of certain trees, shredded and ground to a fine powder, or a more universally palatable concoction of dried ground meat and nuts.  As long as one gets a list of ingredients from the supplier, Orcish preserved rations are often used for those on long journeys. Northern Orcs are among the happiest consumer of Chilies, when they can get them, and orcish bandits are especially common on the 'Pepper Trail', and greatly respected by their brethen.  In the cities, it is not uncommon for Orcs to buy up the seeds and white pulp often discarded by human chef's for use in their own dishes, and few can match an orc in those rare 'hot stuff competions'.  Few orcs would be upset to be handed a 'meal' of dried chili seeds. More to the point, in Southron Nornsa, a new and very popular beverage is being sold by select merchants that is brewed from or with fermented chili as a 'warming drink' for cold mornings.  The drink has a distinct reddish tint and is often sold in clear bottles. Higher quality bottles will have a pepper floating in it, and the darker the tint the hotter the drink.  It is an open secret that the brewers are all run by orcs, unpopular in the Nornsan regions but the drink is said to be good enough that most pretend to believe it is a human concoction.  Interestingly, while the Magi College has found the brew to be extremely useful as an ingredient for fire magics, the Alchemists and Engineer's guilds find it less useful than most other alcohols (other than dwarvish beer, which has too many impurities) for the same purpose.  The debate between the two groups over it's inherent properties is almost as lively as political discussions, and just as boring to those without an interest in the topic.
For you the day you found a minor error in a Post by Spike and forced him to admit it, it was the greatest day of your internet life.  For me it was... Tuesday.

For the curious: Apparently, in person, I sound exactly like the Youtube Character The Nostalgia Critic.   I have no words.

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