Its his birthday today. Just stopped by his facebook page to post happy birthday wishes and found out. He was a good guy, really sweet, friendly, good sense of humour, fun player. Still kinda shocked. Wish I had somehow could have guessed and talked to him or something.
my condolences
Oh my goodness! My condolences. :(
Those of us who suffer from depression are very adept at keeping it hidden. There's still some stigma about it and who wants to hang out with a downer?
Your game and the social activity it provided were a good thing for him. It's not your fault.
My condolences to you, his friends and his family.
I almost had that happen once, he just disappeared, turns out he tried suicide but was unsuccessful and got locked up in a sanitarium after a hospital stay.
Sorry it was more tragic in your case. But it really is shocking, I had no idea he was feeling that way. You can't blame yourself
My condolences.
Sorry to hear that, TE.
That is a difficult way to go for the people left behind.
My condolences.
My condolences. :(
Sad to hear about that.
So many lonely people out there.
Aw man, that's rough. May he find peace. My condolences.
My condolences Tristram
That's awful. My condolences.
Quote from: TristramEvans;804823Its his birthday today. Just stopped by his facebook page to post happy birthday wishes and found out. He was a good guy, really sweet, friendly, good sense of humour, fun player. Still kinda shocked. Wish I had somehow could have guessed and talked to him or something.
This made me realize there is someone I should check up on.
I'm sorry this has happened to your friend and to you.
That's awful news. Condolences, TristramEvans.
I am so sorry to hear that. That sounds like a very shocking thing to learn on Facebook.
I am so sorry to hear that, Tristram. I almost lost a good friend and player this way once, but the attempt was unsuccessful.
-clash
Condolences to his friends and family. May he be at peace.
Condolences on the loss of your friend.
My condolences for your friend and his family.
Someone very close to me made an attempt a couple weeks ago, but we were fortunately able to avert it.
For some reason, the holiday season is always a rough time.
Condolences.
ugh. Sorry to hear that happened.
A person I knew on and off for a long time out of the blue contacted me and wanted to RP. So I did and we had fun.
Not long later everything goes dead silent.
Through some detective work on a few fronts which we supplied a crucial piece of info it turns out the person had killed themselves. Doubly sad as they were a community founder for a site. As if that werent bad enough though. An admin of the same place, a semi-minor book illustrator for a popular series, went out of her way to destroy every one of the persons works because she despised him.
I've had two patrons go as well. One one kinda creepy one was a person who commissioned an expensive piece. And then dead silence after delivery. Email and all online characters stopped activity.
Two artists I worked with had the same thing. One we are pretty sure is gone. But havent pinned down the how. The other vanished for years. But recently returned.
I think the not knowing is the worst part.
Quote from: Saplatt;804869For some reason, the holiday season is always a rough time.
Symbolism and narratives. They can help pull chaotic nations together and tear borderline people to pieces. Witness the ritual of mostly satisfied couples having arguments over insubstantial things like anniversaries. Sad.
So sorry to hear this news.
Really sorry to hear that. My condolences.
In the late nineties one of our friends committed suicide. Nobody ever saw it coming.
That's very unfortunate. My condolences on the loss to you and the player's friends and family.
My condolences as well.
A sad reminder of how lonely and painful living can be for some. I don't think any of my friends are in a similar state of mind, but that doesn't mean they aren't. I think I'll choose a phone call instead of a text, a visit instead of an email in the coming weeks.
Our condolences.
That is awful. I'm so sorry to hear that, TE. My condolences.
My prayers and sympathies for you and everyone touched by this.
Very sorry to hear that. Not too long ago our group lost a long time friend.
We knew he was depressed, but short of trying to make sure he at least went to the doctor, we really felt helpless. Finally he did it. I carried some guilt for a while until I realized we tried what we could.
My sincere and heartfelt condolences to you Tristram and to the friends and family of your friend. What a sad thing for you to learn. Sadly, there are thoughts and feelings inside others that we never can know and at times like this it only leaves us with questions at their passing. Peace.
Quote from: trechriron;804832Those of us who suffer from depression are very adept at keeping it hidden. There's still some stigma about it and who wants to hang out with a downer?
Your game and the social activity it provided were a good thing for him. It's not your fault.
My condolences to you, his friends and his family.
This is very true.
As someone whose tried to commit suicide twice, once you've made up your mind to do it, the only one who can stop you is yourself... There isn't anything anyone else can do...
Do not blame yourself if you feel you've let them down in some way, you haven't.
My condolences to you and his family.
My condolences. :(
I'm sorry to hear it.
That said, please don't blame yourself. It's absolutely normal to blame yourself, but try not to; what happened isn't your fault, or the fault of your gaming group, or really probably the fault of anyone at all. It's not your fault if a friend dies of cancer, is it? Depression is insidious and dangerous and deadly, but, if anything, being a friend, gaming, socializing, and having fun with them, that helped stave it off.
You did what you could have done.
That's horrible and I'm sorry.
There is widespread stigma to mental illness and people usually don't seek the therapeutic help that they need. Some people just self medicate instead, which really just adds to their problems. Others just suffer in silence.
Sorry to hear this news. Our thoughts are with you. Stay strong.
My condolences, I am very sorry to hear that.
My condolences, Depression is a tough thing to live with.
Sorry for the loss of your friend.
Deepest condolences on your loss.
Quote from: trechriron;804832Those of us who suffer from depression are very adept at keeping it hidden. There's still some stigma about it and who wants to hang out with a downer?
Your game and the social activity it provided were a good thing for him. It's not your fault.
My condolences to you, his friends and his family.
Quoted for truth.
My condolences also, and my support for those who struggle with depression.
I am sorry for your lost. Wish I can add more to that.
I'm sorry for your loss Tristan.
thanks for all the kind words everyone. I can't really talk just yet. Still processing this I guess. I don't blame myself, but at the same time I keep thinking of ways I could have been a better friend, or spent more time with him.
For some reason this quote by Thoreau has been running through my head constantly the last 2 days:
"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."
The funeral service is tomorrow. This has caused me to enact several changes in my life. I'll say more later.
I am deeply sorry for your loss. As others have pointed out (and I can tell this as a psychologist), it is often very difficult to notice the situation for those around the person. I am sure that you did your best.
My condolences.
I've lost a friend in similar circumstances - I focus on the good times, but it still hurts. My condolences.
My condolences. And yes, please do continue to not blame yourself - in such states of mind, there's often, as pointed out, a great difficulty to notice something's wrong, if the other side does not cry out for help in some way.
That's very sad and unfortunate--condolences to everyone left behind.
Thank you all for the kind words. I've meditated a lot on this in the weeks since, especially over the holidays. A time when one is meant to be thankful for the people in their lives. And I was thankful for the short time Duncan was in my life.
I understand suicide. I went through periods in my life when I was suicidal. I understand the motivations. I understand how sometimes you just want a rest from life. That it seems easier just to not go on, trapped in the machinations of this world. Sometimes life can seem more a burden than anything. And so I don't rail against Duncan's choice. It saddens me because I miss him. Not because I think I could have done anything for him, but, selfishly, because I wasn't ready to not have him in my life anymore yet.
I'm not religious. I don't even believe in souls, which I've found is a belief that even most not-religious people I know indulge in. I'm not necessarily an atheist, I just accept that I don't know what else goes on beyond the physical world I experience and have absolutely zero faith that anyone else does either. I've heard a lot of nice ideas (and a lot of horrifying ones) over the years, and I begrudge no one their personal beliefs, but I've never found any solace in them. I just try to take things as they come. But I like to think Duncan found peace, whatever that means. If a heaven exists, then he of all people deserves to be there.
I'm sure everyone here knows that special form of friendship that develops with those that one games with; something unique and unlike other passing acquaintances. Getting to know a person's imaginary life is in a way more intimate than the surface relationships one develops; for as much as its escapism, our imaginations are for each of us a more private and (perhaps) deeper aspect of our life that isn't often shared with the outside world. I count the people I've gamed with over the years as some of my very best friends. I'm picky about my gaming groups, much more so perhaps than any other group of friends. Better no gaming than bad gaming, as the maxim goes. So those I chose to game with over an extended period are people I've found who not only share my taste in a hobby, but much more specific tastes in how we like to have fun.
Duncan was one of those players who was always up for gaming. He showed up with a smile, full of good humour, and his participation in the game was always entertaining. He'd throw himself into character with enthusiasm, never concerned himself with rules and never got upset because of failures or setbacks in the game. He was pleased to meet every other gamer, always ready to talk about his enthusiasm for the hobby, and got a long with everyone. He wasn't the most assertive of fellows, content to let other people indulge their egos or their need to play leader, but he was still an active participant. I'm not summing up Duncan as a person in this way, only as a gamer, but since he was a gamer and that's how I knew him, he was one of the best. The kind every GM, or at least every GM like me, wants. Duncan personally made every game an enjoyable experience.
And thats all I guess I really have to say on the matter in the end. If this makes me appreciate the other people I game with a bit more, all the better. And if this affects my behaviour, in that I try just a bit to act more like Duncan, then that's the best tribute I can offer to just a cool guy.