Bard of the Book of Faces.

Since time seems to be cyclical, I decided to reminisce from previous posts about our mock speculation of D&D 5e in the hands of rpg.net, or something like that. Off-hand flippancy like "In the future D&D won't have races or classes, yet have 17 genders to choose from." That was like seven years ago, how time flies... and how disturbing our reality has approached our dark humor jokes.

The 5e Officially Announced topic (locked), where my first painfully prescient quote comes from:
https://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?21645-5th-Editon-(has-OFFICIALLY-been-announced-amp-Thread-merge)&p=503411&viewfull=1#post503411

Quote"My party was almost pwned by Stationary Elves, Sunshine, and Foreigners last night! It was almost a Total Party Swoon! And that was after we rocked out some of our best Roll Cards!

It was so distressing that one of our Play Authors started to tear up and quaver when stamping our roll cards when it was their turn as Voice of the Circle (our house name for the phallocentric Rod of Lordly Might). We had to take one of our RAW scheduled prayer breaks as a meditation time to recover. Thankfully WotC's Counseling Hotline walked us through our tribulation to rally a counter response.

Thankfully we sent those Stationary Elves to flight through the power of our combined Expression Checks when we bested them in a gluten-free bread pudding bake off. After that, all we had to do was find room in our heart to embrace the Foreigners and reject the narrative fiction of cultural and political borders. Together we then wove a Menstrual Hut to fend off the greater excesses of the Sunshine and used its loving warmth to resupply our amaranth and carob stock.

It was Epic."

And another, where we were "discussing" how to avoid using the word "monster" for development of someone's homebrew Monster Manual or something:

Quote from: Opaopajr;608420You should go all anthro on them and use what so many other cultures used through their history, call them: The Others.

Or you can go all Gaia earthchildren and give hopeful names, giving primacy to peace and dialogue to reunify all life as "the children of the apocalypse," such as: The Prodigals, or The Unsheltered.

Or we could go super hippie commune with: The Misunderstood, or The Lost Cousins.


I know how to defeat the monster within and together face greater foes, er, challenges to The People, like excess Sunshine, and Stationary Elves...

In the span of a few short years I now reside in a world of our own dark humor. I don't know what else to do with that info... except dance!

Gauntlets of Self Loathing
Boots of Bitching
Cloak of Mediocrity
Staff of Eternal Wokeness

Ditch the whole notion of XP. Instead, replace it with points given for Virtue Signalling.

Don't have a fucking clue how you make that work, but the game's automatically broken if we don't get Virtue Signalling in there front and centre as either a core mechanic or a playable class.

Instead of a Dice Tower, you'd use a Virtue Semaphore.

Quote from: Godfather Punk;1086755Instead of a Dice Tower, you'd use a Virtue Semaphore.

No, the GM is required to provide a Dike Tower instead.

Quote from: ArrozConLeche;1086728In the span of a few short years I now reside in a world of our own dark humor. I don't know what else to do with that info... except dance!

LOL, you're not kidding. We're living out some sort of a bizarre fever dream.

Quote from: ArrozConLeche;1086728You should go all anthro on them and use what so many other cultures used through their history, call them: The Others.

What's funny is that they literally do this when discussing monsters and other forms of horror in the Fate Core Horror Toolkit, as well as talking about how dangerous it can be and how careful you should be when "othering" things.

Quote from: BrokenCounsel;1086752Ditch the whole notion of XP. Instead, replace it with points given for Virtue Signalling.

Don't have a fucking clue how you make that work, but the game's automatically broken if we don't get Virtue Signalling in there front and centre as either a core mechanic or a playable class.

"Hey, fellow equally empowered GMs! I only need 3 more Virtue Signals before I get a Woke raise! Anyone got any spare Vibes they can throw my way?"

Book of Infinite Made up Words

Quote from: sureshot;1086762Book of Infinite Made up Words

Tome of Infinite Verbiage.

Quote from: Godfather Punk;1086755Instead of a Dice Tower, you'd use a Virtue Semaphore.

Tower = Phallic Symbol = Nazi Enablement of the Sexist Patriarchy. Unless the Dice Towers are non-binary, in which case, how dare you fucking mis-gender my dice rolling paraphernalia.

(Jeesus. This is like shooting fish in a frigging barrel).

Time for the Thread to Level Up......

"Settings"

Wokefell
Genderdark
Transwild

The Wand of Nazi Detection glows in a 10' radius when Nazis exist, right?

To create one, you cast "continual light" on a wand.

Lawd, the Transwild? Imagine the Taurcens there, unintelligent (of course) creatures with the bottom half of humans, but the top half of horses. Their sole power is to make everyone in a 500' radius applaud how brave they are, just for existing.

Forget earning XP or points of any kind. That's too capitalist. Everyone gets socialized XP.

Also, you don't kill orcs. You get triggered on behalf of them and tweet on RPG.net about how other adventurers uphold and benefit from the systems of oppression that keep the orc down (because, obviously, orcs can't be anything other than a stand-in for minorities).

Quote from: Doom;1086771The Wand of Nazi Detection glows in a 10' radius when Nazis exist, right?

To create one, you cast "continual light" on a wand.

Lawd, the Transwild? Imagine the Taurcens there, unintelligent (of course) creatures with the bottom half of humans, but the top half of horses. Their sole power is to make everyone in a 500' radius applaud how brave they are, just for existing.

Wands are phallic. Circle of Nazi Exclusion (aka "Restraining Order") - no Nazis can enter the 50m* radius of effect.

*Because metric is Science!

I vote this game be called "Ists and Isms".