New rpg.net rules. (Forum game)

[The Thing]

Try to imagine what the next new rules on rpg.net will be and post them.

"User identification: Users must provide proof of their race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity and religion as your ability to comment on issues will be determined solely by these factors. White cisgen males will have the lowest posting privileges and be subject to the highest  level of mod scrutiny. White males who are willing to prove they are non cisgen will have higher posting privileges but must submit a video of them performing oral sex on a biological male after stating their name and providing a user id code emailed to them as proof they are non cisgen but still restricted on what they can post and subject to intense mod scrutiny as all white males are inherently and inevitably  racist and sexist so must be monitored closely to prevent a trace of racism or sexism from being expressed on the forums."

"Moderator access: All users must grant all rpg.net mods full and unlimited access to any and all social media accounts they have, all email accounts they may have and access to their computers to review their browser history to make sure they are not posting anything anywhere that violates rpg.net rules and guidelines. All users must install rpg.net modware on all their internet access devices to record all net activity and keystrokes to allow mods to make certain they adhere to all rpg.net rules and guidelines at all times."

Gotta stop, i'm laughing so hard i'm starting to cry.

[Tantavalist]

"To facilitate free and open debate on subjects that are known to be Problematic we are unveiling what we call the Lovecraft rule. Any user who makes a post referencing HP Lovecraft, his works or any work by later authors based or inspired by Lovecraft must devote a minimum of 50% of that post's word count to denouncing his racist bigotry. Mods will issue threadbans with the potential to escalate to actual bans if they judge that these denunciations were not sufficiently vehement or used problematic wording.

"We reserve the right to add other authors to a list which shall also be subject to this rule and users will be required to watch for when this list is updated as claimed ignorance will not be accepted as a defence. Backstage discussions on who should comprise the initial list are currently underway."

[Mishihari]

In order to prevent gaming and lawyering of the forum rules we will not be publishing the rules.  This is not an excuse to not follow the rules though.  And we will totally not be making up stuff as we go along.

[Fergurg]

"Moderator access: All users must grant all rpg.net mods full and unlimited access to any and all social media accounts they have, all email accounts they may have and access to their computers to review their browser history to make sure they are not posting anything anywhere that violates rpg.net rules and guidelines. All users must install rpg.net modware on all their internet access devices to record all net activity and keystrokes to allow mods to make certain they adhere to all rpg.net rules and guidelines at all times."

There is no doubt in my mind that this is being considered.

[Almost_Useless]

Your new account is nearly complete.  Please click the link in the confirmation email to establish your account and automatically ban yourself for off-site behavior.

[Armchair Gamer]

In order to ensure RPGNet is a safe and welcoming space for people of all faiths and of none, members will be required to formally forswear Christ in order to maintain posting privileges.

[The Thing]

Wow.

I was halfway expecting a shitstorm for this, I honestly was. But the idea was so funny, and I'm in my depressive phase, i really needed a good laugh so i copped the rpg.net user attitude when making a post you might bet shit for. "Eh, ban me, MF." And believe me I was laughing up internal organs when writing the OP.

So i check in and man, people are running, or at least briskly walking, with it.

Me: 

In order to ensure RPGNet is a safe and welcoming space for people of all faiths and of none, members will be required to formally forswear Christ in order to maintain posting privileges.

Honestly, this is one thing rpg.net might do that i'd actually have mixed feelings on.  That religion is pretty divisive and it can get on people of other faiths nerves when someone tells them they are just as bad as say Hilter and deserve the same afterlife he deserves. Now obviously even those shitheads would not demand you forswear christ, but i could see them not allowing references to Christianity because it does preach a lot of things that are bad towards women, gays (I have a Bi relative) and pretty much all non christians in general.

And if they did it's bother me not in the least. I have seen a lot of hellurbaters (People who figuratively masturbate  to the thought  of me and other 'others" suffering eternal torture just like hitler because in the eyes of (their) god i'm exactly as bas as he is.

Yeah, that shit really offensive.

So if they banned references to christianity (Assuming they haven't already) it wouldn't bother me much. I mean that book does endorse a lot of awful stuff, like people being made glad to dash babies on rocks  for example.

Of course those fucks would ban it because they can't stand the idea that the christian god is greater than they are.

[The Thing]

In order to prevent gaming and lawyering of the forum rules we will not be publishing the rules.  This is not an excuse to not follow the rules though.  And we will totally not be making up stuff as we go along.

Or just officially renounce all rules but rule zero, which according to the research  a diligent and hardworking brother here recently did they've pretty much done already. out of the like what, 36 permas they've done so far this year, like on every 4 days, just OVER half were rule zero.

You know I saw a documentary about Alcatraz  prison once and the guards had a policy: if they disliked an inmates behavior in some way that was not against the phonebook of rules already in existence, they would make up a rule on the spot against it and enforce it.

That pretty much seems to be the idea behind rpg.net's rule zero.

God it just occurred to me that rpg.net is just so utterly kafkaesque...

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Kafkaesque

[Ghostmaker]

In order to prevent gaming and lawyering of the forum rules we will not be publishing the rules.  This is not an excuse to not follow the rules though.  And we will totally not be making up stuff as we go along.

Or just officially renounce all rules but rule zero, which according to the research  a diligent and hardworking brother here recently did they've pretty much done already. out of the like what, 36 permas they've done so far this year, like on every 4 days, just OVER half were rule zero.

You know I saw a documentary about Alcatraz  prison once and the guards had a policy: if they disliked an inmates behavior in some way that was not against the phonebook of rules already in existence, they would make up a rule on the spot against it and enforce it.

That pretty much seems to be the idea behind rpg.net's rule zero.

God it just occurred to me that rpg.net is just so utterly kafkaesque...

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Kafkaesque

I admit I've been sorely tempted to crunch numbers beyond just the current year. Particularly in the leadup to 2016 and onward.

Keep in mind I attached NO judgement to the analysis I did for this year, whether the bans were justified or not. I was only citing data. Though for the record, spamming and socking are pretty much 'ban looking for a place to happen' in my books.

[David Johansen]

Because Dungeons & Dragons is problematic no negative discussion of Dungeons & Dragons will be permitted.  You can thread crap in threads about other games (except Fate or Powered By The Apocalypse Engine but that's not a written rule) but not in threads about Dungeons & Dragons.  Fourth Edition was the ultimate expression of Dungeons and Dragons even mentioning it in a disrespectful tone is a banning offence.

Oh, wait, never mind, that's not a new rule.

[Godfather Punk]

#23.4.b When we start a thread to introduce a new Mod, it is now mandatory for all members to post a reply with a fawning welcome message.

[Reckall]

Your Tax Returns must be posted for everyone to see. The forum members and the Mods have the right to know if you belong to the problematic "Upper 1%".

[wmarshal]

Any thread marked as an "A-Game" thread must not be understood as actually meaning it is expected that posters bring their A-Game to the discussion. The 'A' in the term on rpgnet stands for affirmation, and all posters must affirm and support the moderator approved direction of the "A-Game" thread or face sanction for interrupting the mandated tenor of the thread.

[Armchair Gamer]

"To facilitate free and open debate on subjects that are known to be Problematic we are unveiling what we call the Lovecraft rule. Any user who makes a post referencing HP Lovecraft, his works or any work by later authors based or inspired by Lovecraft must devote a minimum of 50% of that post's word count to denouncing his racist bigotry. Mods will issue threadbans with the potential to escalate to actual bans if they judge that these denunciations were not sufficiently vehement or used problematic wording.

"We reserve the right to add other authors to a list which shall also be subject to this rule and users will be required to watch for when this list is updated as claimed ignorance will not be accepted as a defence. Backstage discussions on who should comprise the initial list are currently underway."

   "However, as a default, anything written more than 100 years ago should be assumed to be on the list unless explicitly stated otherwise. Material more than 10 years old has even odds on being there."

[Wntrlnd]

"Everyone is guilty of something. Under RPG.net moderator code section 59(d), moderators may access any RPG.net members computer at any time to carry out routine intensive investigation"

Believe it or not, this a inspired by a panel from the dystopian Judge Dredd comic.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/judgedredd/images/3/3d/CRIME_BLITZ%21.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20181108151647