New Creepiest Gamer Ever Thread

[BillBrasky]

Since I was permabanned at RPGnet for posting stuff on my own website, I can no longer go back and read the thread I created: Creepiest Gamer ever.

Since RPGnet is a bunch of dicks (Hi Levi, no of course I don't mean you), I'd like to restart the thread here.  After the first month (in August '04) I posted what were the best stories to date.  Even after nearly two years, nothing beat the Brazillian Deathsquad (posted by Milkywaiter-- also permabanned):

Everything begun at my local gameclub (by local I mean the only one in a 4,000,000 people city) some five years ago. This club was run by a fellow hobbyist on weekends, was located at a big avenue and had a large 'Camelot' plaque hanging over the door with the picture of a knight. Needlessly to say it attracted a lot of curious people. Well, at the end of a saturday afternoon of particularly intense WEG Star Wars playing I was approached by this timid skinny guy in his late twenties. He had been watching the entire session and was almost apologetic about coming forward to talk to me. Anyway he lived just 3 blocks away and he loved "games", so he wanted someone to GM a game for him and his "work colleagues". They had never roleplayed before. He seemed a nice, clean, eager-to-play guy, so I invited him and his buddies for a AD&D game in the club, the following night.

Nothing would have prepared me and the other player (the club owner) for the cast of foul characters arriving at the club the next night. Just to contextualize the many non-brazilian readers in this thread, there are two kinds of police in Brazil: the semi-illiterate oppressive superviolent military police, and the corrupt immoral wiseguy detective/mobster types from the civilian police. These guys were the second type.

These four men (the skinny guy only showed up later) were villain prototypes and had intimidation skill points worth entire 20th level characters. Even when they nicely said hello they had menace written all over their foreheads. It was night, but they were dressed like beach tourists, wearing soccer team t-shirts and sandals. There were so much male jewelry as to make Mr. T look like a girl playing child´s bijouterie. All of them had pistols attached at strategic holsters in their bodies, at least one of them had knives, and all of them were anxious to play the nice "game of dice".

I should see the size of the problem when a huge black man put two bottles of smuggled whisky on top of the table we would play. He seriously asked me if that was booze enough for all of us (two bottles for 7 people). I replied I didn´t drink. He said he would freeze the liquid for me to eat it and his mouth opened in a big smile filled with golden teeth.

Anyway the quarreling began when I showed them the pre-gen characters. All of them "wanted to be the master". There were also quarreling about who would get which character (they were choosing by the pictures). But that was mild quarreling and they calmed down as their heavy drinking and joint smoking ensued. Oh, and they also loved the dice.

The game finally began at the tavern where I had planned the characters to meet and the players to familiarize themselves with the blessed and (to them) newly-perceived freedom a player has in a RPG. They caught on fast enough with IC dialogue, and besides the incessant joint passing and abusive drinking the players were concentrated, with cellphones turned off and all.

That´s when the prostitutes arrived.

Unknowingly to me and the club owner, skinny guy had arranged for two prostitutes, old acquaintances of these guys, to meet at my friend´s gaming club. Things went downhill from there, with the women disrupting the game and the telling of IC mixed with OOC murder stories. By this point my friend made the second mistake of the evening, trying to stop the game by telling me he was late and had to close the club and stuff. The murderous cops didn´t take his intentions well, and started to get all serious and quiet, trying to intimidate my friend. After all, he wasn´t being a nice host, since they had brought the booze, the girls, the drugs and the guns, and they were not going to leave before knowing "who won" anyway, since everyone of them had (of course) bet 50 bucks his character would "win".

So I wrapped things up by having an all-out combat between the characters, while a detective banged one of the girls against a wall 4 feet away. The winner got 200 bucks and a knuckle-duster, they all had a blast and left me and my shaking buddy glad we were left alive. We never saw any of them again, not even skinny guy.

Can anyone top this creepy gamer shit?

[Settembrini]

This is defintely widening my horizon. But honestly, I think they had a functioning game going on.

[Sigmund]

:eyepop:

X2


Happily, I can so no, I couldn't top that by a long shot, and I aim to keep it that way.

[SmokestackJones]

Yeah, I remember the Brazillian Death Squad.  IMO, while quite disturbing and utterly unnerving I still can't get the image of the one about the CatPissMan gamer who would crap in his pants rather than leave the game table.

That hits both the Creepy and Disgusting buttons on me.

-SJ

[Dancing Hateful Thing]

Since I was permabanned at RPGnet for posting stuff on my own website, I can no longer go back and read the thread I created: Creepiest Gamer ever.

Oh. When you said "I'm going to make trouble at rpg.net!" and then were surprised to find out that you'd been banned?

That was a fun one for the mods, believe me.

-Darren MacLennan

[Name Lips]

Fuck making trouble at RPGnet, I'm going to go make trouble at that shithole Nutkinland!

Oh, on topic, I remember that thread. One of the few RPGnet threads whose fame spread to other boards. I personally wouldn't mind the best of those tales being reposted here.

[blakkie]

This is defintely widening my horizon. But honestly, I think they had a functioning game going on.

Functioning? Hell that would be a kick ass night to look back on. Not that i'm comfortable around people with weapons getting high, or really look forward to people banging hookers around the gaming table (hey, at least they stayed off the table ). But as long as you came out of it alive and mostly intact? Ya, i'd be up for that.

The biggest downside i see is that simple dice-rolling make believe, and certainly any LARPing not involving live ammo or bloodshed, would forever pale in comparison.


On the subject of "interesting" gamers one of our group's regulars brought his brother about a month back. This guy had been over one evening maybe a couple years back, but certainly not as cut and hadn't actually tried to play in the game then. He just sat by, commented a couple times, and during a smoke break smashed a Game Boy (someone else was the instigator in that, it was a harmless ruse on another one of the players).

So this brother showed up a bit tipsy and then proceeded to polished an extra brew every 20 to 30 minutes while he was there.  He named his dwarf cleric Diddler, "with 3 D's".  Diddler did some very strange things. At one point this guy abruptly broke into a 5 minute description of how Diddler galloped his horse out ahead of the party a few miles and then pulled over to piss on a cobweb in the grass, leaving golden "dew drops" on it....then he went off to the bathroom to take a piss (i hope).

It was awkwardly hilarious, as nearly everything he said was sureal. Next session his brother apologized and said he wouldn't be bring his brother again. Ever.

[Lawbag]

any chance we can have more "real" stories that some obviously made up shit?

[BillBrasky]

Oh. When you said "I'm going to make trouble at rpg.net!" and then were surprised to find out that you'd been banned?

No, douchebag, I wasn't surprised.  That's why I did it.  And I got the exact reaction that I wanted-- a bunch of oversensitive mods that cry like tits when someone talks shit about them on another website.  Congratulations, you've just realized you're not wearing any clothes, emperor.

The point of doing it was because it was funny and it would funnel traffic off of the site.  Traffic on this site, mine and Pundit's blog has spiked since RPGnet pulled it's keystone kops routine.  Congrats!

But instead of name calling, let's stick to the topic:

I gamed (once) with a very similar guy in the 80s. He said, "if it looks like I'm asleep, please be very careful not to wake me. I'm probably astral projecting and if you startle me, I might accidentally cast a purple spell on you in a reflex defensive action".

[Ed. Note- Go ahead. Google "Purple + Spells + defense"]

I always liked this one too, because I'd never heard of purple defense spells before-- it tended to add some authenticity to the story.

[Settembrini]

Take a look at this, might be a candidate.
 
http://albruno3.tripod.com/homepageframe2rpgnet3.htm

[Levi Kornelsen]

And I got the exact reaction that I wanted-- a bunch of oversensitive mods that cry like tits when someone talks shit about them on another website.  Congratulations, you've just realized you're not wearing any clothes, emperor.

*Dances naked through the thread, imperially.*

[Dancing Hateful Thing]

No, douchebag, I wasn't surprised.  That's why I did it.  And I got the exact reaction that I wanted-- a bunch of oversensitive mods that cry like tits when someone talks shit about them on another website.  Congratulations, you've just realized you're not wearing any clothes, emperor.

You declared that you were going to "make trouble" at rpg.net, got banned, and are now rewriting it as some kind of experiment to showcase some failing of the mods. I've seen this happen before, although people usually claim that they were doing it as an experiment for a sociology class. It's a common troll tactic.

The point of doing it was because it was funny and it would funnel traffic off of the site.  Traffic on this site, mine and Pundit's blog has spiked since RPGnet pulled it's keystone kops routine.  Congrats!

In other words, you decided to fuck with our site to bring traffic to your own.    

That's usually not something that you want to blurt out on a public forum, but we've already seen that you've have trouble with that.

-Darren MacLennan




I always liked this one too, because I'd never heard of purple defense spells before-- it tended to add some authenticity to the story.[/QUOTE]

[Teflon Billy]

Can anyone top this creepy gamer shit?

I'll give it a whirl (and by that, I mean reposting my story from the RPG.net thread:))

One of my players (well-thought-of RPG industry freelancer, Nigel Findley) asked if he could bring a friend from his work to our weekly game. My near-instant response: "Certainly!" (more players cut from Nigel's cloth would add to the group immeasurably).

Due to circumstances beyond his control, Nigel was unable to attend or get ahold of his work-friend to cancel. So the guy shows up anyway. No problem.

We invite him in, get him a coffee, and let him play the Character of a guy who had just recently left the group (A Were-tiger). The system was GURPS. This is where we join the story....

Dramatis Personae[/u]

• Fraser: Playing a Human mercenary
• Ian: Playing a Human wizard
• Mike: playing an elf bard.
• Myself: Playing the frustrated GM
• El Creepo: Playing the Were-Tiger.

Teflon Billy: Ok, so you guys are in the tavern where we ended last session, as you are sitting at the table...

El Creepo: Is there a serving wench around?

Teflon billy: Um, sure. "what would you like stranger?"

El Creepo: I'd like your company for the evening. I am a very wealthy man.

Fraser: Does that gnome who was here last week still want to sell us a potion?

Teflon Billy: You don't see him aroun...

El Creepo: What is her answer?

Teflon Billy: Huh? Oh, she laughs and mentions that her husband, the hostler, would likely have a thing or two to say about that.

El Creepo: Hrrmmm

Mike: Ok, so what are we going to do about the head in the box we found? It claims it's the rightful ruler of Cros Mogmun right? Do we believe it?

Ian: Well, I don't. But I think we should try and...

El Creepo: Where did the serving wench go after we spoke?

Teflon Billy: Upstairs, said she was calling it a night and thanked you for your patronage.

Mike: I give her an extra gold piece and tell her "the pleasure was all mine" and give her a sly bardic wink.

Fraser: Anyway, we should definitely get that gnome to...

El Creepo: I'm heading upstairs.

Teflon Billy: For what?

El Creepo: How long does it take me to get up there?

Teflon Billy: Not long, less than a minute, it's only a three story building.

El Creepo: Can I use my tracking to find out where the wench went?

Teflon Billy: (pause) okaaaaaay......(rolls some dice) she's in the third room on the third floor.

El Creepo: I'm going there.

Ian (puzzled) What's up?

El Creepo: I'll knock on her door.

Teflon Billy: She answers and asks "what do you want?"

El Creepo: I push my way into her room and explain to her again that I want her for the night.

Teflon Billy: (getting pretty fed with this guy already and we aren't 2 mins into the game) Yeah, well...she explains again that she is a married woman, and while she is very flattered, she is simply not interested. Get me?

El Creepo: Well, what she's interested in means very little to me. (gestures to his character sheet) Am I this strong without switching to my tiger-form? How do I make a roll to grab her?

Teflon Billy: What?

El CreepoI'm going to try and pin her down. Can I do that with one hand so that I have the other one free?

*Disbelief all around the table*

Fraser: I'm rolling danger sense...

Ian: I'm preparing a fireball starting now...

Mike: I load a silver bolt into my hand crossbow...

Teflon Billy: (rolls dice) Danger upstairs! Third Floor! Third Room!

My Guys: a ton of babble translating as "we charge upstairs"

El Creepo: Can they react like that? They don't know what's happening up here.

Teflon Billy: You grapple the serving girl easily enough...she draws a knife from her bodice and makes a called shot stab to the vitals (rolls dice) well, she hit.

El Creepo: Only silver can hurt me...

Teflon Billy: No, silver damage doesn't regenerate, but you still take the wounds. In this case, 3 for her roll, tripled for impaling to the vitals is 9.

El Creepo: Well, I'm still up. I guess I'll have to kill her...she should've just cooperated.

Teflon Billy: *shakes head and grumbles* Make your roll.

*Dice are fudged behind the screen. She is badly injured, but still up*

Teflon Billy: Gentlemen, you arrive...

El Creepo: That seemed awfully quick

Fraser: Tough shit!

Ian: I unleash my fireball at him (El Creepo's character is burned for a lot of damage...added to the knife wound he is pretty banged up).

Mike: I'll send a silver bolt into his torso (The damage is not huge, but is non-healable)

El Creepo: What are you guys doing?

*Silence + glares*

Teflon Billy: You're up

El Creepo: I jump out the window!

Teflon Billy: Ok, make a jump roll (he fails) damage to both his legs breaks one, sprains the other and puts him unconscious.

*Silence*

Teflon Billy: Well...that was fcuked up!

* A confused babble erupts where El Creepo claims that he was told we were mature and could handle mature themes*

Unbelievable to me to this day!

• We had never met this guy before
• His first action upon meeting us was to try and roleplay out a rape scene
• He started this basically as I said "you all meet in a tavern"
• he was going to do this in the presence of someone he worked with!

It's one of the few times in my gaming life when I actually "hit the reset button" as a GM, announcing that none of that had happened and calling the game for that week.

I took fuckface aside and told him he wasn't welcome back, and that we were going to the local pub now as was our tradition, and if I saw him there...it was on.

We razzed Nigel about this guy endlessly when he got back the following week. Apparently he didn't know the guy that well (he was in the accounting dept. at work rather than a columnist).

Apparently he bitched about us to Nigel as well, claiming that Nigel had lied to him when he said that we were "Mature" and that our game was for Adults.

Eeeeew:brood:

[BillBrasky]

*Dances naked through the thread, imperially.*

That's why I like you best of all, scarecrow-- you know not to take it all too seriously.

You declared that you were going to "make trouble" at rpg.net, got banned, and are now rewriting it as some kind of experiment to showcase some failing of the mods. I've seen this happen before, although people usually claim that they were doing it as an experiment for a sociology class. It's a common troll tactic.

Right- I said that on my own website, right?  And what did I post on RPGnet?  "Isn't this thread in violation of the ToS?"  I'm not saying you're hypocritical, douchebag, but...

...oh hold on, it's the phone...  Hey DB, kettle just called and he wants to have a word with you.

I'm not going to get into a war with you over it, DB.  I've stated publically that RPGnet is a private site and entitled to enforce its rules however it wants.  I chose to point out that the way it operates is hypocritical and you all proved me right.

In other words, you decided to fuck with our site to bring traffic to your own.

No.  I decided to demonstrate that "your" site is arbitrarily moderated and it hurts discussion and that there are better alternatives-- which you apparently agree with because if you posted like this on "your" site you'd be banned.  Thanks for proving my point, D.B., I like playing with you-- you're funny.

Now back on topic, here's a post from D.B.'s site in the original creepy gamer thread:

OH crap, I am the creepiest person I have gamed with!

Let's see. I'm 32

I'm bald

I wear glasses

I am fat

I like to wear black and have a Trechcoat (Two)

I suffer from a mental illness (Depression/BiPolar)

I Live with my mom

I am sexual deviant (Well I would be one if I had sex and stuff, see above)

I am designing my own RPG

However I bathe regularly and have NEVER crapped myself at the table. Can I join your group? Cause as you can guess, I am not involved with a group currently.

I'd try and attribute this entry to you, D.B., but in all honesty it probably describes half the people on the site.

[Teflon Billy]

Right- I said that on my own website, right? And what did I post on RPGnet? "Isn't this thread in violation of the ToS?" I'm not saying you're hypocritical, douchebag, but...

Are you saying that they should ignore information about someone fucking with their site based on where they find it? :confused:

Because, that's retarded.:heh: