So I've been thinking about how during football season, all the various fans from different teams (as evidenced by my time on the Colts Fan Forum and other locales) really enjoy putting down other fans based on attributed features/drawbacks of their city/populace.  New England fans like to call us Colt fans ignorant, dull hicks, and we enjoy calling them cod-smelling, bean-eating, welfare children who are the most annoying fans in any sport.  And on it goes...Oakland fans are all convicts and/or illegal migrants, Jet fans all love Springsteen and are Jersey stereotypes...Jaguar fans don't show up to their games, and have to cover unsold seats with a tarp (ok, so that's true)...Green Bay fans all have blood with all the consistency and chemical composition of industrial lard...Eagle fans are Chaotic Evil whenever the slightest thing goes wrong...  Those are some of things you hear week in and week out internet football forum chatter.

So I got to thinking...lots of times, in fantasy games, your PCs are headed to one city or another.  Of course there's going to be rivalries between cities...perhaps not over football, but over old wounds, trade, cultural differences, or whatever.  So when you stop in Town A on your way to Town B, you just might hear some unfriendly things about the Next Town Over.

To that end, here's my Next City Over Trash Talking Table:

The Folks In That City...

(Roll 1d20)

1.  Have mannish women.
2.  Are well-known effeminate pansies.
3.  Are a bunch of pig-loving hayseeds.
4.  Are a bunch of unemployed drunkards.
5.  Can't hold their liquor.
6.  Are so damned dull, watching grass grow is considered a high-energy event.
7.  Speak like they are chewing on a mouth full of crap (take this as you will).
8.  Consider wife beating "high art".
9.  Consider the mouth harp good for all their major orchestral pieces.
10.  Know a hell of a lot about barley, and barely nothing else.
11.  Seem to enjoy rioting for fun on the weekends.
12.  Are a bunch of stuck-up pantywaists.
13.  Seem to enjoy living in a town that looks like it was designed by the insane, handicapped, or handicapped insane.
14.  Have yet to learn the secrets of sewage systems.
15.  Consider biting their toenails in public good hygiene.
16.  Only marry their cousins if livestock isn't available.
17.  Smell like week-old fish.
18.  Have the fashion sense of a blind chimp.
19.  Are so stupid, they'll trade you a gold for two coppers, 'cause that's one more than they had.
20.  Are hated by everyone in the entire damned region with any common sense.

For double the fun, roll twice on the chart, for example, your party's social butterfly of a bard mentions to the innkeeper they're headed to the city of Falcongate on the morrow.  "Falcongate?" scoffs the innkeeper, his tone less friendly with each syllable, "Everyone knows they're a bunch of stuck-up pantywaists (12) who can't hold their liquor! (5)".

Then again, the barmaid says her cousin lived in Falcongate for a year, and they're a bunch of umeployed drunkards (4) who speak like they're working on a mouthfull of crap" (7).  

The shocker is when you get to Falcongate, they've heard those folks in the next town over are so dull, watching grass grow is a major event (6)--unless they haven't beaten their mannish wives (1) yet (.



If you're using this in a modern game, here's my conversion:

-Roll once for any city with a professional sports team.
-Add 6 more additional rolls for Boston.

....

:haw:


Let the trash-talking rivalries commence!

...and if you're describing Bedford, IN, you roll them all.

HA-HO!
















Joking.

Quote from: Dr Rotwang!...and if you're describing Bedford, IN, you roll them all.

HA-HO!
















Joking.

I thought you'd go after Martinsville, but you didn't go for the obvious there.  Nice work!

Little Hoosier humor, folks!

SECOND CHOICE: Spencer.

ALTERNATE FOR IU FANS: Lafayette.

Me?  I don't care, really.

Awesome table, Zach. I'll definitively put this to some use.

(Seems like soccer and football aren't that different, though one uses egg-shaped balls allows hand usage and the other does what the name implies...)

Hah!  Great table.  

Pete

PS - The Colts suck.  J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS!

Quote from: pspahnHah!  Great table.  

Pete

PS - The Colts suck.  J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS!

I'll ignore that first part and just wish you guys the best this week.  And thanks to your coach for ratting out that turd Belichick. :bow:

Quote from: Zachary The FirstI'll ignore that first part and just wish you guys the best this week.  

What the heck kind of trash talk is that???  

Actually, I'm always rooting for the Colts (especially now that they're out of the east).  Two reasons and both are anti-Miami-related:  1. I want to see Manning smash every record Marino ever held and 2. If anyone in this day and age can go undefeated it's the Colts.  It would be _so_ nice to not have to hear about the 72 season anymore.

QuoteAnd thanks to your coach for ratting out that turd Belichick. :bow:

Heh, heh. I would have been more up in arms about the cheating if it had been a close game.  I think the Jets forgot that Randy Moss was even on the team.  They sure didn't assign anyone to cover him.  

I think it's going to be a long year us.

Yeah, those old farts popping the cork each year someone doesn't go unbeaten gets so old.  It'd almost be worth seeing the Pats go unbeaten to kill that off...almost.

Long years happen. Hang in there, and cause as many problems next time for the Pats as you can.

Quote from: Zachary The FirstHang in there, and cause as many problems next time for the Pats as you can.

I'll make sure they're practicing extra hard the week before.  

Anyone here read the HP books?  It occurred to me that there could have been a lot more wizard-related trash talk between houses and the 3 different schools.  I don't recall anyone trying to steal mascot either.  

Pete

Quote from: pspahnI'll make sure they're practicing extra hard the week before.  

Anyone here read the HP books?  It occurred to me that there could have been a lot more wizard-related trash talk between houses and the 3 different schools.  I don't recall anyone trying to steal mascot either.  

Pete

Yeah...the "Hufflepuff Sux!" graffiti is conspicuously absent in those works...