Quote from: thedungeondelver;386150"I didn't feel like it because, y'know, I just didn't feel like gaming"...we'll have a talk.

Another reason I have short, closed-ended campaigns. If someone's a bit down on gaming but there's just another few sessions to go, they'll usually stick it out and have fun anyway. Then they can give the next campaign or two a miss.

I have some guys who never get tired of it and want to be in every campaign if nothing else is keeping them busy. Then there's one or two who basically just want to game for about three months a year. And that's okay.

Quote from: Seanchai;386162It depends on how often it occurs. If someone doesn't want to play, articulates that, does so without disruption and before the game, no problem. If they keep choosing not to show up and do so with some frequency, it's time for a discussion and some thought about not playing.

Seanchai

I'm with this one.  Mainly because I've used the "I don't feel like it" excuse one time.  Had a bad day and just didn't feel up to socializing that night with anyone and I stayed at home curled up on the couch watching SciFi all night.  But I only used it once and I'm one of those who rarely misses a game without giving lots of notice (y'know letting them know my mothers birthday party is a month away and I will not be able to make it that night).

The folks who use it all the time are the ones you just stop inviting to the game.  We've done that as well.

Actually i've had that at times, but my players always gave reasonable reasons when i asked them why they "didn't feel like it".

It's just common courtesy really. If someone's gone to teh trouble of setting up a game (ie the GM) then giving proper notice is the polite thing.

As long as they give some notice if possible, I don't care. As long as 50% of the group is there, we'll play. If someone misses several games in a row, then I will have a friendly talk to him to check if everything's fine. Sometimes the game doesn't click for someone, no big deal.

Our group is all over 30, have gamed together for over a decade, and all have busy lives. We've had a player miss because after a long day of driving all over three counties to take care of the kids on his CPS route, he pulled over for a break and woke up several hours later. We've also had people miss because the rules arguments were getting too personal and taking too much time and they didn't feel like being there for them. But whatever the reason, "sorry, dude, you missed 2 weeks in a row so you're out" just wouldn't work for us.

If players started habitually ditching the games I was running, I'm thankfully at the point in my life where I can start asking "what can I do to keep them here" instead of "what can I do to get them to not come back".

Quote from: noisms;386185Saying "I didn't feel like it" flat out is really rude and disrespectful even if it's true, whereas saying "My wife was sick and I had to take the kids to football practice" or whatever may be an obvious lie but at least it shows you care enough not to want to seem hurtful or rude.

It might be a cultural thing. It doesn't seem more polite to me to lie than tell an uncomfortable truth. To my mind, it's the lie that's disrespectful, particularly when it's transparent. I believe it's possible to get across the idea that you simply don't want to be there without being an insensitive asshat.

Seanchai

Quote from: Seanchai;386311It might be a cultural thing. It doesn't seem more polite to me to lie than tell an uncomfortable truth. To my mind, it's the lie that's disrespectful, particularly when it's transparent. I believe it's possible to get across the idea that you simply don't want to be there without being an insensitive asshat.

Seanchai

I agree. It's totally cultural. In my experience Americans tend to value honesty where British people tend to value not rocking the boat, although maybe less so these days.

Then again I lived in Japan for 7 years, where not rocking the boat is the ultimate aim of society, so perhaps my vision is skewed!

Quote from: noisms;386312It's totally cultural. In my experience Americans tend to value honesty where British people tend to value not rocking the boat, although maybe less so these days.

I think so. I have a British friend who I used to game with me and that's what he did. He was sick a lot. We all knew he wasn't sick and, to be blunt, his reputation and at least my desire to game with him suffered because of it.

If you tell me you're sick when you're not, you rob me of the opportunity to fix what's gone wrong if you're not showing up because of me or the game.

Seanchai

I dunno; thinking on it a bit, I guess "I didn't feel like it" covers a pretty broad spectrum of reasons.  

"I didn't feel like it" - because my character isn't the center of attention this week...is...kinda lame.  

"I didn't feel like it" - because I occasionally find your game boring - yeah, leave (one player doing this is one person finding it not to their taste; many not doing it and yes I as the DM need to reevaluate myself)

"I didn't feel like it" - because I feel like you're picking on my character to have bad things happen...see above.

"I didn't feel like it" - because meh, I just didn't want to bother?  Hit the road.

So long as you give me some advance notice, I really don't care why you have to miss the game.

Quote from: Novastar;386373So long as you give me some advance notice, I really don't care why you have to miss the game.

Advance notice is always better than calling right before the game or just not showing up at all.

After reading the title of the thread, I thought it was going to be about something totally different.

I had the distinct advantage of, for three years, living in the same house with the rest of my gaming group.  So none of this nonsense would happen.  We once assaulted a guy in bed when he was late to the table.

Nowadays, however, I accept even lame excuses.  "I don't feel like it" would not be tolerated for long, but I try to host a fun game, not something that begins to feel like a burden on our schedules.

Again, it's easy for me because these are my best buds.  If one or two people completely shaft our plans, there's always Descent to hold us over.

Quote from: PaladinCA;386384Advance notice is always better than calling right before the game or just not showing up at all.

That however is completely different IMO, and there, I actually make it a point to write it down in the players' document in the basic rules for the game table (if I bother to write such a document - it's not always the case): if you're not going to make it, phone in advance. It's basic politeness to let people know when you will not be making it as a social gathering.

It annoys me to no end when people don't bother. It's completely disrespectful.