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I didn't come because I didn't feel like it...

Started by RPGPundit, June 07, 2010, 08:50:04 AM

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RPGPundit

June 07, 2010, 08:50:04 AM
What is the minimum acceptable reason for your group, for missing a gaming session. Is "I didn't feel like it" acceptable, or what?

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#1
June 07, 2010, 09:11:42 AM
If they don't feel like it, I would just tell them I wouldn't want them to trouble themselves, so they can not come again next week.

Aside from that, it's like any social thing. Family, sickness, etc.

The house rule is that if there's less than 24 hours' notice, they must bring a sixpack next session.
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#2
June 07, 2010, 09:13:31 AM
Quote from: RPGPundit;386131What is the minimum acceptable reason for your group, for missing a gaming session. Is "I didn't feel like it" acceptable, or what?

If one had to resort to "I didn't feel like it" to avoid gaming sessions multiple times, one mind as well just quit and find another game.

I've found over the years that whenever I'm at the stage of using the excuse of "I didn't feel like it" to avoid gaming sessions, there's usually some deep chronic problems with the gaming group already.  Dropping a dysfunctional gaming group is easier to do, than having to deal with the prolonged chronic problems of the group.

thedungeondelver

#3
June 07, 2010, 11:34:43 AM
Yeah repeated "I just didn't feel like it" is pretty much an uninvite from me, conditionally.

"I didn't feel like it because of xyz medical reason" is one matter.

"I didn't feel like it because, y'know, I just didn't feel like gaming"...we'll have a talk.
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#4
June 07, 2010, 11:40:02 AM
"I didn't feel like it" is a perfectly acceptable reason for me.

If "you don't feel like it" for more than a game in a row, I'll get the hint and just tell you to not bother next time - not out of spite, but to clarify in a "it's okay if you don't like the game, y'know?" kind of way.

Seanchai

#5
June 07, 2010, 12:49:15 PM
It depends on how often it occurs. If someone doesn't want to play, articulates that, does so without disruption and before the game, no problem. If they keep choosing not to show up and do so with some frequency, it's time for a discussion and some thought about not playing.

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#6
June 07, 2010, 12:59:06 PM
Seems like a lot of the onus is being put on the guy not showing up. I would reverse that somewhat and say it might be a problem with the game/GM as well. Discussion is required, but be aware it might be a failure to engage on the part of the ref as much - a bored player, perhaps.
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#7
June 07, 2010, 01:56:12 PM
The problem with using "I didn't feel like it." as an excuse is one of social conventions. The implication is player cares so little about your game he can't even be bothered coming up with an excuse.

If you are not in the mood, showing up for the game isn't such a great idea for you or the other players. But the least you can do is throw in a "Sorry, my wife had this thing a work and I had to stay with the kids." as a sign of respect to the GM. He doesn't have to believe you, but you just have to make a token effort to smooth things over.

Or at least that's the British way.
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Aos

#8
June 07, 2010, 02:25:38 PM
With my last couple of groups there was an understanding that if enough ppl didn't feel like we would just hang out, watch a movie and get fucked up together. Sometimes one person not feeling like it was enough; I'm easy that way.
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#9
June 07, 2010, 03:06:37 PM
If they don't feel like it I'd rather have them not show then show up and make everyone else "not feel like it" too.    If they constantly not feel like it and are a friend then I'll ask about the why.  If I don't care then, well I don't care for them to come back anyway.
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Seanchai

#10
June 07, 2010, 03:54:17 PM
Quote from: Soylent Green;386167But the least you can do is throw in a "Sorry, my wife had this thing a work and I had to stay with the kids." as a sign of respect to the GM. He doesn't have to believe you, but you just have to make a token effort to smooth things over.

Then, instead of the problem resting, at least potentially with the GM or game, you get a reputation, probably for lying.

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Soylent Green

#11
June 07, 2010, 04:03:10 PM
I'm just saying this is the way it's done, I'm not saying it's right :-)
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noisms

#12
June 07, 2010, 04:08:31 PM
Quote from: Seanchai;386181Then, instead of the problem resting, at least potentially with the GM or game, you get a reputation, probably for lying.

Seanchai

Maybe it's because I'm British too, but these little white lies are the glue that holds society together! Saying "I didn't feel like it" flat out is really rude and disrespectful even if it's true, whereas saying "My wife was sick and I had to take the kids to football practice" or whatever may be an obvious lie but at least it shows you care enough not to want to seem hurtful or rude.
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#13
June 07, 2010, 04:18:19 PM Last Edit: June 07, 2010, 04:20:21 PM by Benoist
Quote from: noisms;386185Maybe it's because I'm British too, but these little white lies are the glue that holds society together! Saying "I didn't feel like it" flat out is really rude and disrespectful even if it's true, whereas saying "My wife was sick and I had to take the kids to football practice" or whatever may be an obvious lie but at least it shows you care enough not to want to seem hurtful or rude.
I'm fine either way, personally, though I kind of detect these sorts of "white lies", as you call them. If that happens regularly, I'd expect my friend to show a further level of respect by cutting the crap at some point and telling me what's wrong with the game, whether s/he doesn't like it, or the people involved, or just wants some time for him/herself, or has other interests or issues on the side. We could then try to work it out, and if not, then at least we know what's going on. That's all cool with me.

PaladinCA

#14
June 07, 2010, 05:29:47 PM
I used to care a lot about this sort of thing.

This was before I fully realized that people who "don't feel like coming" are just going to drag the game session down into the sewer and not give a crap about doing so, epecially if compelled to be there. Stay home I say. The band will play on without you.

If it becomes a regular bailout then I'd just stop extending the invitation.
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