Do you have any awesome Bard tales to share?

I do!!!!

I've always wanted to run a Bard Campaign. Where one or more players were Bards, but everyone played an instrument and went city to city getting into adventures.

NONE of my players would ever go for it.

So my Bard story is an NPC related one...

My group was having some meta-problems. One of my players was a sensitive man, he played a Halfling who was happy-go-lucky, and he wanted to be a "jolly thief". Well to his chagrin, I was running a game in a huge fantasy city of incredible beauty and wonder... and a lot of cruelty. (Calimshan in the Realms). The Halflings there were anything but jolly below the surface. They were a ruthless gang of thieves but treated the PC well because he was family. He felt very... put-upon by the missions his family would task him with. He was very disconcerted. And he'd complain about it to the party *all the time*. One of the other PC's, was dealing with larger issues, and would dismiss the halfling's complaints as inconsequential. Well the halfling player took personal insult to his halfling always being dismissed from the other PC - and more specifically the player himself.

That other PC was a haughty elf, a noble member of royalty from far-off Silverymoon. His character was also a bigot - he looked own on anyone below his station (which was nearly everyone). But the he was loyal to the core of the group since everyone provided a much-needed function to his own operations in and out of the city. And yes, he would scoff at the halfling.

So after one session - the halfling player took me aside and told me that he felt uncomfortable playing with the Elf-Player. Why I asked? "Because clearly he's a racist." So I said to him - you know we're playing a make-believe fantasy-elf game, and he's just roleplaying a noble elf that happens to be a bigot, but the player himself is *not* a racist. You understand that right? And the halfling-player says "well what should I do. I really don't like all this... evil shit my halfling clan is doing (they were being a Thieves Guild, smuggling drugs, making drugs and poison, robbing blind anyone that comes into their quarter, murdering rival thieves that worked their turf - you know... THIEVES GUILD STUFF), and him making light of my complaints is really spoiling this for me.

I said - well if... *your character* feels that way, then why not get even with him IN-GAME? He responds "Like how?"

So I say - he's playing his character like a stuck up noble. Attack his weak spot - his vanity. Hire a bard or something to sing songs about him to make him look like a fool. Or something like that. A decent working bard would cost a few silver. If you want them to compose a song - it might be more.

The next session the halfling player slides a note to me telling me at some point during the game he wants to go off an hire as many bards as 50gp would buy. I ask him what is the nature of the song - he tells me, based on what he knows of the elf-PC that it's a song about an Elven Prince that was caught in Silverymoon raping a donkey, and embarrassed he fled to lands unknown in the south.

Due to the fact that he gave so much money - he hired a very good bard. I had the player roll to see the actual quality of the song - he rolled... a natural 20.

So we're playing our session - and a lot of intrigue is going on. The Elf Player made a habit of never letting his feet touch the ground. He literally was carried everywhere on a palanquin. And while cruising around he heard in the market square all these people laughing and this really catchy tune was being played by this busker, and he laughed along until he realized the song sneakily sounded like it was alluding to him.  At first he blew it off as the GM just screwing around with him. Days went by in the game - and the song was so catchy - other bards were picking it up, some adding their own flair. SOME even sussed out who it was really about... so the song kept coming up. The other nobles were hiring the original busker and a couple of other NPC bards that were in the game to regale them with the song of the Elven Prince Donkey-raper. The Elf PC needless to say was not pleased. The Halfling player was *overjoyed*! His vindictive little plan was working *far* beyond his expectations. The Elf player was angry. He wanted to know who started this song. It was diverting him and the rest of the party from their primary machinations...

After another couple of sessions. The halfling player was forking out gold and essentially patronizing these five quality bards to keep the pressure on of antagonizing the Elf PC in song, and rhyme. None of the other songs were quite as good as the first... but it was enough to where you simply coudn't get away from the Elf and Donkey Princess. The Elf PC was taking a *beating* socially - his noble peers quietly snickered at him - he'd hear braying noises of donkeys behind his back... ALL. THE. TIME.

Despite the sweet sweet sweet taste of revenge - the Halfling player was still struggling with his family issues in-game. He thought of himself as a good PC. He fashioned himself as a Robin Hood. But for some reason feeding a starving mob of 60 beggars with 12 loaves of bread started a food-riot which ended in six innocent beggars getting killed by guards trying to maintain order were leading to chain of calamities due to his ill-thought ideas. His attempts at making good on timely deliveries for his family - stung him more to realize he was delivering opium to slave-traders in the Chain Quarters they used to keep their wares pacified. All the while the "Elf and the Donkey Princess" could be heard echoing out from the taverns and dens.

The next session - the Elf player had enough. He hired one of the more... bloodthirsty members of the party to start tracking down these bards... any bards that sung that song. He put a small bounty on them to force them to stop singing the song. The Bloodthirsty PC was pleased that the Elf PC didn't specify *how* to make them stop singing... So the game went on... and dead bards started popping up all over the place. Some were headless. Others looked like they were smashed into red-hairy paste (the Bloodthirsty PC did use a maul which he notoriously never cleaned... ) and the Halfling player was *horrified*.

He revealed the secret to the rest of the group he was the source of the "Elf and the Donkey Princess" - everyone was *stunned*. The super-sensitive Halfling player had passive-aggressively racked up a ginormous guilt-trip in real life. Insisting he was a *good* halfling. But then someone mentioned - but you murder people, you sell drugs to slavers who dope up their slaves with it, accidentally sold your soul to a demon(another story) and you hire bards to sing horrible lies about party members... that got them murdered because our resident dumbass warrior, thought they were all in the employ of the party's enemies. Smooth move." The Halfling player quit my group after that session...

The End.

The Moral of the Story: Bards - don't sing songs talking shit about royalty. The gold isn't worth it.

Quote from: tenbones;1065498I do!!!!

I've always wanted to run a Bard Campaign. Where one or more players were Bards, but everyone played an instrument and went city to city getting into adventures.

NONE of my players would ever go for it.

So my Bard story is an NPC related one...

My group was having some meta-problems. One of my players was a sensitive man, he played a Halfling who was happy-go-lucky, and he wanted to be a "jolly thief". Well to his chagrin, I was running a game in a huge fantasy city of incredible beauty and wonder... and a lot of cruelty. (Calimshan in the Realms). The Halflings there were anything but jolly below the surface. They were a ruthless gang of thieves but treated the PC well because he was family. He felt very... put-upon by the missions his family would task him with. He was very disconcerted. And he'd complain about it to the party *all the time*. One of the other PC's, was dealing with larger issues, and would dismiss the halfling's complaints as inconsequential. Well the halfling player took personal insult to his halfling always being dismissed from the other PC - and more specifically the player himself.

That other PC was a haughty elf, a noble member of royalty from far-off Silverymoon. His character was also a bigot - he looked own on anyone below his station (which was nearly everyone). But the he was loyal to the core of the group since everyone provided a much-needed function to his own operations in and out of the city. And yes, he would scoff at the halfling.

So after one session - the halfling player took me aside and told me that he felt uncomfortable playing with the Elf-Player. Why I asked? "Because clearly he's a racist." So I said to him - you know we're playing a make-believe fantasy-elf game, and he's just roleplaying a noble elf that happens to be a bigot, but the player himself is *not* a racist. You understand that right? And the halfling-player says "well what should I do. I really don't like all this... evil shit my halfling clan is doing (they were being a Thieves Guild, smuggling drugs, making drugs and poison, robbing blind anyone that comes into their quarter, murdering rival thieves that worked their turf - you know... THIEVES GUILD STUFF), and him making light of my complaints is really spoiling this for me.

I said - well if... *your character* feels that way, then why not get even with him IN-GAME? He responds "Like how?"

So I say - he's playing his character like a stuck up noble. Attack his weak spot - his vanity. Hire a bard or something to sing songs about him to make him look like a fool. Or something like that. A decent working bard would cost a few silver. If you want them to compose a song - it might be more.

The next session the halfling player slides a note to me telling me at some point during the game he wants to go off an hire as many bards as 50gp would buy. I ask him what is the nature of the song - he tells me, based on what he knows of the elf-PC that it's a song about an Elven Prince that was caught in Silverymoon raping a donkey, and embarrassed he fled to lands unknown in the south.

Due to the fact that he gave so much money - he hired a very good bard. I had the player roll to see the actual quality of the song - he rolled... a natural 20.

So we're playing our session - and a lot of intrigue is going on. The Elf Player made a habit of never letting his feet touch the ground. He literally was carried everywhere on a palanquin. And while cruising around he heard in the market square all these people laughing and this really catchy tune was being played by this busker, and he laughed along until he realized the song sneakily sounded like it was alluding to him.  At first he blew it off as the GM just screwing around with him. Days went by in the game - and the song was so catchy - other bards were picking it up, some adding their own flair. SOME even sussed out who it was really about... so the song kept coming up. The other nobles were hiring the original busker and a couple of other NPC bards that were in the game to regale them with the song of the Elven Prince Donkey-raper. The Elf PC needless to say was not pleased. The Halfling player was *overjoyed*! His vindictive little plan was working *far* beyond his expectations. The Elf player was angry. He wanted to know who started this song. It was diverting him and the rest of the party from their primary machinations...

After another couple of sessions. The halfling player was forking out gold and essentially patronizing these five quality bards to keep the pressure on of antagonizing the Elf PC in song, and rhyme. None of the other songs were quite as good as the first... but it was enough to where you simply coudn't get away from the Elf and Donkey Princess. The Elf PC was taking a *beating* socially - his noble peers quietly snickered at him - he'd hear braying noises of donkeys behind his back... ALL. THE. TIME.

Despite the sweet sweet sweet taste of revenge - the Halfling player was still struggling with his family issues in-game. He thought of himself as a good PC. He fashioned himself as a Robin Hood. But for some reason feeding a starving mob of 60 beggars with 12 loaves of bread started a food-riot which ended in six innocent beggars getting killed by guards trying to maintain order were leading to chain of calamities due to his ill-thought ideas. His attempts at making good on timely deliveries for his family - stung him more to realize he was delivering opium to slave-traders in the Chain Quarters they used to keep their wares pacified. All the while the "Elf and the Donkey Princess" could be heard echoing out from the taverns and dens.

The next session - the Elf player had enough. He hired one of the more... bloodthirsty members of the party to start tracking down these bards... any bards that sung that song. He put a small bounty on them to force them to stop singing the song. The Bloodthirsty PC was pleased that the Elf PC didn't specify *how* to make them stop singing... So the game went on... and dead bards started popping up all over the place. Some were headless. Others looked like they were smashed into red-hairy paste (the Bloodthirsty PC did use a maul which he notoriously never cleaned... ) and the Halfling player was *horrified*.

He revealed the secret to the rest of the group he was the source of the "Elf and the Donkey Princess" - everyone was *stunned*. The super-sensitive Halfling player had passive-aggressively racked up a ginormous guilt-trip in real life. Insisting he was a *good* halfling. But then someone mentioned - but you murder people, you sell drugs to slavers who dope up their slaves with it, accidentally sold your soul to a demon(another story) and you hire bards to sing horrible lies about party members... that got them murdered because our resident dumbass warrior, thought they were all in the employ of the party's enemies. Smooth move." The Halfling player quit my group after that session...

The End.

The Moral of the Story: Bards - don't sing songs talking shit about royalty. The gold isn't worth it.

That's a great story.

I've never much cared for bards.

Quote from: RPGPundit;1065882I've never much cared for bards.

I honestly never considered playing a Bard character until D&D 5E allowed them access to higher level arcane magic, and even allowed them to "steal" from other spell lists with Magical Secrets.  It gave them just enough pizzazz to put them on my radar.  I was more of a Core 4 fan previously; at least for PCs.

"Bards" are a weird nonsensical class born of people confusing the medieval troubador with Druid storyteller/wizards.

Quote from: RPGPundit;1065882I've never much cared for bards.

Imagine my shock.

Bards are actually worth playing now that they aren't the worst class in the game.

I think the bard is a pretty stupid class as conceived be 5e. The idea that one enters battle with the magic of song or cutting repartee breaks any sort of immersion. The 2e bard that was a rogue who had various and sundry talents and the adaptability and wit to pick up new tricks, including spells, made much more sense.

Yeah the Bard doesn't make a lot of sense. I just like the idea of a traveling troubadour. I don't think it needs to be a class in D&D terms

Quote from: Warboss Squee;1066067Imagine my shock.

Bards are actually worth playing now that they aren't the worst class in the game.

Yeah, but as I said it's not really about power level. The entire concept doesn't sit well with me.

Quote from: RPGPundit;1066376Yeah, but as I said it's not really about power level. The entire concept doesn't sit well with me.

So, may I assume that your contributions to D&D 5E did Not include the Bard Class, then?

Quote from: RPGPundit;1066376Yeah, but as I said it's not really about power level. The entire concept doesn't sit well with me.

A wandering storyteller or a warrior poet are find concepts IMO.  And being a fighter rogue kinda works for that.

It's the spellcasting that's the problem. The original bard was supposed to be a kinda fighter, kinda rogue and kinda wizard. And sucked at all three.

New bard is much better, right up until spells come into play.

Because apparently knowing old tales and secrets allows you to steal powers from Cthulu or miracles from freaking gods!

Quote from: Warboss Squee;1066680A wandering storyteller or a warrior poet are find concepts IMO.  And being a fighter rogue kinda works for that.

It's the spellcasting that's the problem. The original bard was supposed to be a kinda fighter, kinda rogue and kinda wizard. And sucked at all three.

New bard is much better, right up until spells come into play.

Because apparently knowing old tales and secrets allows you to steal powers from Cthulu or miracles from freaking gods!

Well again, it's because someone confused Celtic Bards with Medieval Troubadours even though these are totally different things.

It's like if someone made a class that was a cross between Gangsta Rappers and Italian Mobsters or something.

Quote from: RPGPundit;1067588Well again, it's because someone confused Celtic Bards with Medieval Troubadours even though these are totally different things.

It's like if someone made a class that was a cross between Gangsta Rappers and Italian Mobsters or something.

There's probably a splat that does that.

I have a recurring NPC bard called Egil Longspear who is a lecherous, untrustworthy braggart who always volunteers to to join the PCs with whatever they are trying to do. They always end up killing him. It seems to bring them great joy.