I'm pretty fortunate that The Wench has understood from day one that my gaming is non-negotiable. And yet even she, who has the patience of a wiccan saint to have to put up with the likes of me as you can all well imagine, has her moments of complaining about whether I "HAVE to play tonight???" etc.
How about the rest of you? How things been with your wives or significants?
RPGPundit
My ex-wife seemed to have an intrinsic hatred of gamers of many types. Though she tolerated video games to some degree.
I didn't know about this side of her until years later, after we were married for almost a decade. (I met her during my long 15+ years hiatus away from rpg games). She eventually blew a gasket after I started playing D&D again (shortly after 3.5E D&D was released), along with other problems which accumulated over the years.
My wife is a gamer, so generally not. However, I do play in a Sunday night game, and every once in a while she asks me if I can't beg off to spend time with her instead. And it's only because she can't attend that game. That's the closest I ever come to getting flack about gaming.
I have a friend who has to fight tooth and nail every single weekend to get the same Sunday off to game -- I feel sorry for the poor clod.
My SO has no problem whatsoever with my gaming hobby. If it weren't for her generally shy disposition and to a much lesser extent the language barrier she might even have a go at it herself.
She's an avid videogamer herself and likewise I don't have any problem with that.
I seriously think SO's who cannot except our gaming hobby for what it is or act condescending about it should be dumped ASAP.
All my partners have been supportive if not active in gaming. Some weeks I game 3 days and not one complaint from my current GF...awesome! I am willing to skip a game if she has an event lined up.
It also helps that 1 of the sessions fall on the weekday so we don't do much in the evening anyways as we have to get up at 6am. Friday game ends early and the weekend group is every other week so no big deal.
:)
Both of the women I actually wanted to marry (one of whom I was engaged to for a time) were gamers, although the fiance was very particular about what kind of games she'd play. I usually rule that anyone dating me is going ot have to agree to at least one night a week where I have 'time with the guys', and she can have 'time with her friends'. I'd use that night for gaming if my SO was not one as well. I could not possibly date someone who wanted to spend every waking moment with me.
No because I don't have one and never will.
Humans suck: Why would you want one living with you?
All my SO's gamed with me. It was kind of a requirement.
My wife is no exception. She plays in both live groups, though not the online ones. SHe recently lost Kiko (her Hobyt priestess/assassin), who was the oldest surviving PC in my most active group, but she created Oliver, A bugbear knight of the Hunters of the Shade.
The "worst" reaction I've received from any girlfriend is a sort of benign amusement. However I very rarely play RPGs more than once a week, and typically less than that.
My wife is good about it.
She knew I was a gamer going in to the marriage and she views it like any other social activity. As long as I don't game every single week of the year, she doesn't give me any flak. Since I game 2-3 times a month, this hasn't been a problem.
She even tried D&D 4e last year and had a great time. She thought Pathfinder was too complex. She also enjoys board games, which helps her meet other gamers.
No, even though she's not into gaming at all (even videogames or board games). She sees that I really enjoy it, and figures it's a cheaper hobby than, say, golf or poker, so I get a night a week.
I'm also willing to compromise, of course. If there's a lot of stuff to be done at home, I'll take a week off. Everyone I game with is reasonable; if someone needs a week off, we'll do something else or if we can't hit critical mass we'll skip a week (or two...).
Worst reaction: "Oh? So it's like a friends night thing? That's cool. Have fun!"
Best reaction: "Oh my God I love fantasy! Can I try playing?"
I've gotten pretty lucky, but I've also learned not to date anyone who has an active hatred for some aspect of my hobbies.
I heard a saying once -- that the best significant other is one who will guard your "sacred space", in other words, one that will recognize that despite being romantically involved with them, you're an individual with your own interests that sometimes diverge from what they want to do, and they do their best to make sure that you're given time to enjoy your pursuits without being bothered about it. So long as you do the same for them.
So anyone who can't imagine me doing anything apart from them, or having interests that might not interest them, it's not going to happen. We're individuals first, partners second. You have to be whole as an individual before you can be whole as a couple. If someone sees my occasional night out with the game group as a threat or a negative aspect of the relationship, it's not going to work.
The GF before my wife, it really was a non-issue while we were going out. I made time for both, and they generally didn't conflict, for whatever reason. After we broke up, I later learned she started playing D&D with some distant friends of my group, which I indirectly introduced to her.
So score one for fate.
My wife has always known about my Gaming. It's gone through stages, to be honest. We had "Trying to figure out the appeal" to "Playing some D&D" to "Trying to be indifferent" to "Playing some games SHE was interested in (Buffy)" to "Stop being an ass, and help me with the baby" to "Neither of them are babies anymore, go ahead and game."
I'm sure some other stages are down the road, but even though she finds it really geeky and odd, she realizes I groove on it, and politely asks & listens to me about what's going on in the game (and I can actually wrap up an 8-hour session, into about 3-5 minutes of exposition, unlike every gamer I've ever met at a Con).
I game about 2-4 times a month, and always make sure to coordinate with her, which goes a long way.
I feel for a buddy of mine: he met his wife through gaming, and she now hates it. He has a sickly son, and there's times where I wonder if his boy is really that sick, or just sick enough so she can justify why he can't go to the Game...
I have another friend that as soon as he has a girlfriend, he practically drops off the planet for the next 6 months. Occassionally he'll pop up after that, and once he breaks up with the girl, you can't get rid of him till he finds a new one!
My wife hates gaming with a passion - she calls it my "Crazy Hobby". She asks me every few months when I'm going to stop gaming and I have to point out that I played long before her and won't every stop.
However, I play once a week, spend hours every week writing new stuff and go to some conventions which she doesn't mind that much. I thought that after 13 years she might understand, but if I gave up tomorrow, she'd be happier.
As to the idea of dumping her because she doesn't like my hobby - get real!
My wife is a gamer. She is one of the members of my group and enjoys it immensely. She adds a bit of strange to each game we play. Sometimes serious, sometimes silly, but always fun. Even if I do give her a hard time about her sometimes off-kilter views.
Its a bit interesting because she'd stumbled on the Game Geeks review of Hearts & Souls, before we met. I joke about her stalking me, but she really didn't know until I was talking about that I was that writer.
She's a wonderful woman. I think I'll keep her.
If I'm GM my wife is usually a player in the game because the sessions are held at our house. If I'm just a player (which means it's not at our place), she usually doesn't play so that we don't have to pay for babysitting.
hmmm...well, my wife doesn't really get it. She tries hard and she'll come to games but she rarely stays awake through a session. Though that did get worse when we had kids.
My wife puts up pretty well with me playing and publishing games. She even cooks for everyone or prepares snacks once in a while.
I met my girlfriend at our monday gaming club, so the answers pretty obvious.
He only gives me hell when he thinks the gm is playing favorites towards me. So no real problems since we play at the same table together.
Gaming has never been an issue with any of my GF's... but I have a bad history of going out with women who I don't really have much in common with... I should really stop doing that.
Quote from: ptingler;462290If I'm GM my wife is usually a player in the game because the sessions are held at our house. If I'm just a player (which means it's not at our place), she usually doesn't play so that we don't have to pay for babysitting.
+1 on this. The times I have gone off to game without her, she has gotten shitty. This means that I typically can't go gaming by myself.
My SO games with me.
My current SO is a gamer as well, so no problems there. In the past I've dated non-gamers, but it wasn't a big issue.
On a side note. At a recent cook-out at a friends house, I heard his wife talking to someone else's girlfriend about the gaming hobby. The wife said something I thought was pretty funny. "Yeah, I don't get the hobby, but there are a lot more dangerous hobbies he could have picked."
Tolerance. Nothing more and nothing less.
Pretty much the same as if i was a golfer, stamp collector, or serial soap opera addict.
My wife and son are both avid gamers. Never a problem.
-clash
My wife doesn't game but she loves a house full of gamers (well, geeks of any stripe, really). So no, I don't catch any grief for it. If I leave her alone to game elsewhere I get the same flack I might for any other event that excludes her. Which is to say pretty much none, since that doesn't happen much.
My fiancee thinks I get depressed if I become too much of a hermit (which may or may not be true), so she usually tells me to go game, even if I wasn't planning to. Besides the Sims, she doesn't play anything.
Gaming certainly doesn't bother her.
Things have been good with my wife. She doesn't game herself but she encourages me to take time for my gaming hobby.
That said, she occasionaly will make offhanded remarks about how my characters are uncool. "Why are you playing a dwarf again? Wouldn't you rather play Spider-Man? It seems to me that superheros are much stronger than dwarves."
As a side note to the original topic, did anyone else's SO only play certain games? My ex-fiance was a very enthusiastic gamer, but she would only play certain genres, like Vampire the Masquerade* or GURPS Black Ops, because she could relate to those through her favorite novels or tv shows (she loved X-Files, thus the love for Black Ops). She would refuse to play D&D, stating that she just didn't care for fantasy or medieval times.
*- my current hatred of V:tM may or may not be related to this fact, but thats another thread.
The only thing worse than a non-gaming SO is a power gaming one!
She makes me want to start a thread with the title "So I married a Munchkin". :D
I met my wife at a game table. She plays in my HM and A&8's games. She really like A&8's.
My GFs (and ex-wife) generally fall into the generally encouraging though they find it an odd hobby and don't care to play/watch because they find it dreadfully boring.
I do get the occasional "oh, this Friday is your gaming night...oh, well..." when the GF wants to do something else (we game every other Friday so sometimes she loses track which week is which). But that's about it. And she always asks me about how my game went, though she doesn't really care unless I have a funny story about someone being stupid.
While the Mrs. has kind of hinted at being interested in doing some gaming (oblique phrases, uttered once and never again, etc.), she has been relatively okay with gaming. Not so much earlier in the marriage but a wee bit better now.
If anything, her issue is with the amount of books that have been traveling with me for some time. Which is why I try and go .pdf when I can nowadays, as I do see her point in regards to space and all of that as well as getting rid of things I don't want anymore.
Nope. (Actually, my wife played in the game I ran last night (http://www.therpgsite.com/showthread.php?t=20219).)
Quote from: RPGPundit;462246I'm pretty fortunate that The Wench has understood from day one that my gaming is non-negotiable. And yet even she, who has the patience of a wiccan saint to have to put up with the likes of me as you can all well imagine, has her moments of complaining about whether I "HAVE to play tonight???" etc.
How about the rest of you? How things been with your wives or significants?
RPGPundit
My current SO is a gamer, and all my SO's either have been introduced to gaming by me, or they were already gaming. Even my short flings were positive towards the hobby.
So nope. From time to time my SO will ask me to skip a game so we have some extra quality time if I have been away for a while (sometimes work can get travel-intensive), but that's that.
Wife's a-OK with gaming. She's kind of RPG-curious but doesn't want to intrude on the group's "guys' night" dynamics. She's an avid boardgamer though.
Quote from: One Horse Town;462311Tolerance. Nothing more and nothing less.
Pretty much the same as if i was a golfer, stamp collector, or serial soap opera addict.
Same here: She just considers it Guy Stuff like cards, football, fishing etc.
Honestly, if its a woman who is in a healthy relationship then of course she'll give you hell over everything. ;)
Quote from: BedrockBrendan;462292My wife puts up pretty well with me playing and publishing games. She even cooks for everyone or prepares snacks once in a while.
Indeed, my wife has done this at times...she's tried gaming, doesn't care for it, but doesn't give me crap for it, and is supportive that I've started taking on freelance work in the industry.
My ex-wife was a gamer before we married. My wife is in the process of becoming a gamer. But she has always supported my hobby. Even going so far as to buy me gaming materials.
No hell for me.
My wife's a gamer, and generally a geek - I met her at a Scifi convention a long while ago. She tends to prefer boardgames (and some videogames) to roleplaying, but we've got a regular Tuesday night game with some friends where she plays. She sometimes needs a bit of help with the rules, but she has fun.
Yeah, I catch a lot of hell from the only human being who purchased all 5 Stargate SG-1 RPG books.
Did I mention that she ran it, as well...?
The only gaming-related flack I get from my wife is because I put the Ptolus campaign she's playing in on hiatus for a few months and she wants to play dammit.
No problems so far. Two were gamers already and another just teased me a bit about it.
I haven't had a GF who wasn't into gaming in one form or another yet. It doesn't make the relationship work any better or worse I think, but it helps in the commonality of interests.
Never had trouble here. Ever.
Some have not played My current girlfriend was more of a secret gamer then me. She's of the type where only the people she plays RPGs with know she plays RPGs.
One of these days I need to get her to run some stuff.
Just general amused or confused expressions. Some have tried gaming and like it and some have tried gaming and just didn't get it. ("Wait! What? No, we're not attacking the little goblin things, even if they are raiding the town!")
Seanchai
Quote from: RPGPundit;462246I'm pretty fortunate that The Wench has understood from day one that my gaming is non-negotiable. And yet even she, who has the patience of a wiccan saint to have to put up with the likes of me as you can all well imagine, has her moments of complaining about whether I "HAVE to play tonight???" etc.
How about the rest of you? How things been with your wives or significants?
RPGPundit
I'm in the exact same boat as you, Pundit.
I get the usual gentle mockery. She hates the Murder mystery business though because it means she has to look after the daughter for a couple of weekends in a row on her own, she's not the maternal type :)
When we play she will make the odd pot of tea and give me one of those pitying slavic stares....
She does hate the "stuff" though, the boardgames, boxes of magic cards, books, MM costumes, hats etc etc . This is becuase she believes all surfaces should be clear and clutter and dust free at all times.
I have had a good few girlfriends that pretend to be interested in games, even tried a few out but its usually just an excuse to get in your pants. I think they would have gotten the MM stuff more than the wife though. I mean most of my actors are women it just seems appeal to the exhibitionist type.
Never a problem.
We both have our own hobbies we pursue in our private time.
I know a guy whose wife bitches about his being a 'geek' every chance she gets. They have a huge house, completely dominated by her sense of decor... with all his 'toys'... comics, action figures, games... relegated to a small walk-in closet. It kind of pains me whenever we go over there, her carping on him and him taking it. It's like she's embarrassed that someone will think she's interested in those things... so keeps pushing him to dump it all (there's really not that much and he keeps it tidy). I'm not sure if he ever gets to game at all these days.
Not being married I haven't got a clue how people end up in such situations... but it may also point to the reasons I've never been tempted to get married myself.
Quote from: The_Shadow;462367The only thing worse than a non-gaming SO is a power gaming one!
She makes me want to start a thread with the title "So I married a Munchkin". :D
You should start that thread.
RPGPundit
My wife was a gamer before I met her. Never been an issue.
My wife is way too cool to give me grief about the hobby I love. If anything, she's very supportive.
She will join my group occasionally (we're all friends) if I'm running a 'one shot', but her work schedule, alas, rules out committing to a campaign.
Frankly, My wife not only plays, she gives me grief for not scheduling enough games. This month, she packed in an extra session.
(Her new 1/2 Ograk-elf hunter is pretty cool to play, so I kind of understand. She went from being sneaky/archerish to serious meat shield)
Quote from: LordVreeg;462688Frankly, My wife not only plays, she gives me grief for not scheduling enough games.
Then you're very lucky. The Wench, as I said, has an understanding with me, but she certainly would not be happy if I played more than I already did.
RPGPundit
My ex-wife hated the fact that I gamed every week with my friends, and she also hated my friends. Did I mention that she's my ex-wife?
Both girlfriends since then have no real interest in RPGs but have no problem that I game.
Quote from: joewolz;462516I'm in the exact same boat as you, Pundit.
Same, though this is much less these days, as I only play once a month anyway. She also figures its my hobby and not a big deal, so nothing to worry about really. She even occasionally lets me buy a shiny book without grumbling (like I'm going to do this Friday). And sometimes she buys stuff for me, like she bought me Shogun 2 recently because she felt guilty for shopping a lot recently for herself and the daughter. ;)