Greetings,
Right now my GURPS Star Trek campaign is going 'mostly' okay - even with murphy's Law interfering with our scheduling.
We try to do two game sessions a month - usually on Sundays.
This is that game group I started back in May for my friend who got diagnosed with cancer. We had not gamed in years and she really missed it.
Since mid summer we have had at least 8 game sessions - all the players say they ae having fun and enjoying the adventures.
My friend is in the Hospital since Tuesday and I worry she may take a turn for the worse.
Wondering - How do I game again after she is gone?
If I will ever game or GM again...
Hope I can ...or it will just tear me up too much.
Anyone have a situation similiar to this happen to them in the past with a game group?
A Favorite player?
Or a Good Friend?
- Ed C.
I've had a several.
I gamed on because they would think it absurd for me to stop on their behalf.
If you want to stop because your heart is not in it - then do so for that reason. Definitely take a break.
I can't speak for you or your friend. I can only speak from the fact that my friends I gamed deeply with enjoyed our gaming and time together but knew it was something we all shared, it wasn't just because of one individual. If I passed, I sure as hell wouldn't want my friends now to stop. Nor would they.
But then when I die, my gaming group is required to join my family in barbecuing me and consuming me, per my wishes. So my power doesn't go to waste.
You know... have you asked her what she'd think of you stopping on her behalf?
If it were me, I'd create a town NPC in her honor. Someone the PCs could check in and share stories with, from time to time. She'd probably be slinging drinks at the PC's favorite tavern. Probably the proprietor of the place.
Visit your friend, and ask her to name a new female NPC for your game.
Sorry to hear that, Koltar. But there's still hope. I'd encourage living in today and keeping hope rather than dwelling on fears.
My sister was diagnosed with cancer about two years ago. We didn't do RPGs, but we'd play boardgames together. We couldn't see each other in person, but we started doing board games over video calls every week. She's now cancer free, and we're now closer than ever.
On the other hand, I have had members of my gaming groups pass away. I'd suggest another outlet other than gaming to deal with grief and loss, like therapy, church, or some other community that deals with more serious issues.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she recovers.
A close friend of 25 years passed from cancer over 10 years ago. (yeah, I'm old.) We used to game together all the time. The rest of us stopped playing the games that we had played with him and eventually started to try new games, lots of board games mainly. A few years back we started playing D&D again with a few new people. I know I think about him whenever we get together to play.
The passage of time may make it easier to play. You're going to need to talk it out with the others in your group if the worst happens. Gaming is a social event, Even if one friend can no longer be there, other friends can.
Do visit her in the hospital, as often as possible. Friendly faces are always welcome. And it can cheer up any family she has visiting too.
Dreadful thing to go through. To start with, I need to state that I have NOT gone through what you and tenbones
(EDIT: or Franky) have gone through so I cannot completely know what it is like.
Great advice has already been posted so far. Though, personally I would likely change the setting
because it would not be the same anymore and it would bring up too many memories. I guess I´m just
too sentimental like that. If you can though, the NPC idea by Jam is pure gold!
Would it be possible to game one last time in the hospital? Just a thought..
Anyhow, I personally would not stop gaming all together because of someone in the group passing
away for you can still game to honor their memory. Though, you are not me and like I mentioned,
I have no experience to understand your situation.
Quote from: Koltar on December 15, 2022, 10:56:23 PM
Greetings,
Right now my GURPS Star Trek campaign is going 'mostly' okay - even with murphy's Law interfering with our scheduling.
We try to do two game sessions a month - usually on Sundays.
This is that game group I started back in May for my friend who got diagnosed with cancer. We had not gamed in years and she really missed it.
Since mid summer we have had at least 8 game sessions - all the players say they ae having fun and enjoying the adventures.
My friend is in the Hospital since Tuesday and I worry she may take a turn for the worse.
Wondering - How do I game again after she is gone?
If I will ever game or GM again...
Hope I can ...or it will just tear me up too much.
Anyone have a situation similiar to this happen to them in the past with a game group?
A Favorite player?
Or a Good Friend?
- Ed C.
First you mourn her loss to you as a friend and a gamer.
Then you man the fuck up and keep gaming because it would be an insult to her memory if you used her death to make you an emotional cripple who has abandoned the hobby which you both enjoyed.
Quote from: jeff37923 on December 16, 2022, 06:32:50 AM
Quote from: Koltar on December 15, 2022, 10:56:23 PM
Greetings,
Right now my GURPS Star Trek campaign is going 'mostly' okay - even with murphy's Law interfering with our scheduling.
We try to do two game sessions a month - usually on Sundays.
This is that game group I started back in May for my friend who got diagnosed with cancer. We had not gamed in years and she really missed it.
Since mid summer we have had at least 8 game sessions - all the players say they ae having fun and enjoying the adventures.
My friend is in the Hospital since Tuesday and I worry she may take a turn for the worse.
Wondering - How do I game again after she is gone?
If I will ever game or GM again...
Hope I can ...or it will just tear me up too much.
Anyone have a situation similiar to this happen to them in the past with a game group?
A Favorite player?
Or a Good Friend?
- Ed C.
First you mourn her loss to you as a friend and a gamer.
Then you man the fuck up and keep gaming because it would be an insult to her memory if you used her death to make you an emotional cripple who has abandoned the hobby which you both enjoyed.
Agreed. Honor her memory. The game MUST go on.
"To absent friends; let the adventure continue."
That's tough, man. I feel for you.
Echoing the suggestion about an NPC. Honor her by making her last character an NPC. She will live on.
Like Valeria in the 82 Conan movie. It sucked when she died, but she returns as a Valkyrie: "Do you want to live forever?"
Having dealt with similar issues (though not nearly as severe for the most part), my one suggestion is to consider taking a planned break with a planned time to start back.
The reason is, if you try to force "going on" when all your hearts aren't in to it, it's not going to go well, which will be unpleasant and likely end the game on a sour note. Ending that way might be the least of everyone's worries at that point, but no sense in piling on, either. On the other hand, if you just put it on hold with no plan to start back, chances are, it is done. At least, plan to get back together to do something different.
Same thing applies to more temporary things too. Even positive things. We've had a 3 month break sometimes when there was a new baby in the group. The new parent didn't always start back when the rest of us did, but when they did come back, everyone was ready to go.
We still talk about the person we lost. Some of his favorite gaming phrases live on in our group.
Nearly two decades ago now we lost a long time friend and gamer to cystic fibrosis. We still play games he loved in his memory.
There's always a little sadness, but the joyful memories have long since overtaken the loss.
Yes, the game can go on.
I'm currently playing in a long-running FantasyCraft game that was started by my friend Ian.
Ian died suddenly in his thirties. Just gone way too soon. :(
After the grief and shock had time to settle, one of our players reached out to Ian's dad, and was able to get Ian's campaign materials. (He also helped Ian's dad sell off all of Ian's collection of gaming materials, which was a load off Ian's father's shoulders.)
Since we had been playing a published Pathfinder campaign, we were able to resume the campaign with one of the players stepping up into the role of GM.
I'm really glad we kept it going, and I am indebted to Hank, my friend who took over running the campaign. It's been an anchor keeping us together during these crazy years.
I'm sorry.
In 2020, at the end of February, the game I'd been running for five years came to an abrupt end. One of my players died suddenly. His widow, another of my players, moved from GA to NM to be near her family. A third (of five) players was an exchange student who was called home early as COVID started. The final two, a father and his middle school daughter, were all that was left as lock downs hit.
I'm in that last player's intermittent 5e campaign, but have yet to restart running a game for a new group given COVID and my own health (bypass in late 2021). I'm only now working on recruiting a new group.
My advice is to restart gaming ASAP. Especially if the worst happens.
Maybe not the same campaign, but get the band back together, and keep going.
Our groups GM died suddenly of a heart attack several years ago...
I volunteered to take over GM duties, and several years later only now is the Star Wars campaign I started winding down.
The only dilemma I face is what game to run next. His wife is still with the group.
One of the most important ways to deal with grief is to continue to have fun with your friends and live well.
Life is too short to let grief drag you down.
Continue to do what you love, and lift yourself up.
Quote from: Koltar on December 15, 2022, 10:56:23 PM
Greetings,
Right now my GURPS Star Trek campaign is going 'mostly' okay - even with murphy's Law interfering with our scheduling.
We try to do two game sessions a month - usually on Sundays.
This is that game group I started back in May for my friend who got diagnosed with cancer. We had not gamed in years and she really missed it.
Since mid summer we have had at least 8 game sessions - all the players say they ae having fun and enjoying the adventures.
My friend is in the Hospital since Tuesday and I worry she may take a turn for the worse.
Wondering - How do I game again after she is gone?
If I will ever game or GM again...
Hope I can ...or it will just tear me up too much.
Anyone have a situation similiar to this happen to them in the past with a game group?
A Favorite player?
Or a Good Friend?
- Ed C.
Oh man my heart goes out to you on this Koltar.
I've had friends I gamed with die, but not so immediate in relation to the game.
I do have a habit of never personally fully letting go of a prior campaign. In my mind, no matter how many years go by and how much we've all moved on physically and mentally from that game, I still somehow think it's just on temporary hiatus and will return some day. That our PCs are still there, dealing with that setting, waiting for our return. It's very rare that we have complete closure on a campaign before moving on to the next.
I wonder if that's how this campaign of yours will have to go. That it just goes on indefinite hiatus. And the rest of you start a new game, with that other game remaining out there on hold, or as part of the lore of your setting.
Really sorry to hear that news. :(
But I'm sure she'd want you to continue.
It will be hard, at first, to game, or do anything. I lost my dear brother last year. He introduced me to HeroScape.
A few weeks ago, In got out my HeroScape and played a scenario in his honor. You can resume play in her honor, when the time's right. May God bless her,and all of you,and all who love all of you.
One of my gaming groups has included 3of my best friends from high school. We've been gaming together for forty years now, though we've added a couple of folks over the years. About six months ago, one of them was diagnosed with a heart problem that couldn't be fixed. We held off a few weeks while he was in the hospital, but resumed once he was put in hospice (he skyped in to each game). For several weeks we played like that, and he seemed fine. Then he missed one game because he wasn't feeling up to it. Then he was gone. We skipped the next week, out of respect and to give everyone a chance to deal with the emotions. Then, the following week, we picked up the campaign where we left off, with one fewer character. No in-game explanation needed. We still talk about him every session. His absence is felt. But he would want us to keep playing. It was his joy, too, and I'm glad we got those last few sessions together. So we keep playing, because he would still want to be playing with us.
RIP, Dave. You are missed.
Quote from: tenbones on December 15, 2022, 11:18:37 PM
I gamed on because they would think it absurd for me to stop on their behalf.
I can't stress this enough. Our gaming group just recently (in October) lost one of our members completely unexpectedly. I know for a FACT that he'd be haunting my ass and making fun of me if we stopped our games because of it. His widow brought me all of his dice a couple of weeks after it happened. They absolutely seem to favor my players when I use them in game. Go figure. ;)
Quote from: Jam The MF on December 16, 2022, 01:00:22 AM
If it were me, I'd create a town NPC in her honor.
A more fitting tribute doesn't exist. You'd best believe there is now a MAJOR npc in my world that pays homage to our friend.
RIP, Eric/Glarnack/Theo'Remus/Hackenchop. You were the best dwarf.
:'( Oh my, Koltar. My heart goes out to you and your circles in the face of this looming tragedy. Naturally one must take a moment to grieve when they pass.
That said, I believe most loved ones want love and happiness in kind for those they may leave behind. To be in the land of sorrow is one thing, to stay there in residence is another. When your heart is ready, return back to the light with fond memory of their laughter and fun. :)
Can't say I've experienced this, Koltar, but I'll be praying for the whole situation. That is brutal, for sure. I'm sure she would feel awful if her circumstance ended your gaming career, so take that as encouragement to continue when you're ready. In the meantime game like you never have before. She'll appreciate it for sure and it will lead to happy memories. Great way to keep her happy and distracted given the hard situation she is facing.
My very best to you and your table.
As gaming is my central hobby, and thus one of my main pathways to joy and fulfilment, the idea of abandoning it due to grief is so counter-intuitive that I can barely process the idea.
Quote from: Grognard GM on December 19, 2022, 08:55:34 PM
As gaming is my central hobby, and thus one of my main pathways to joy and fulfilment, the idea of abandoning it due to grief is so counter-intuitive that I can barely process the idea.
Well, to me gaming is very connected to this person in my heart and in my mind because she has been my lost loyal player for over two decades.
In at least three different campaigns she was one of the main players. A few times she even talked friends of hers into trying out role playing games because I was the GM.
So , yeah all of my best gaming session memories she was usually featured or a part of them.
- Ed c.
Quote from: Koltar on December 19, 2022, 09:36:11 PM
Quote from: Grognard GM on December 19, 2022, 08:55:34 PM
As gaming is my central hobby, and thus one of my main pathways to joy and fulfilment, the idea of abandoning it due to grief is so counter-intuitive that I can barely process the idea.
Well, to me gaming is very connected to this person in my heart and in my mind because she has been my lost loyal player for over two decades.
In at least three different campaigns she was one of the main players. A few times she even talked friends of hers into trying out role playing games because I was the GM.
So , yeah all of my best gaming session memories she was usually featured or a part of them.
- Ed c.
My best friend of 30 years, during many of which we gamed together, died; so I fully understand the situation.
I continued to game, and gain enjoyment from gaming, with the occasional twinge of grief when reminded of him, or I thought of something I'd like to share with him.
But I also get times where something happens in a game, and I remember him with fond nostalgia, and it makes me smile or laugh.
So my post still stands. You asked a question, and my answer is, in my opinion, the answer is a resounding yes. Not just can, but should.
Everyone is different, and I fully support your choice to quit gaming if that's personally the best move for your emotional wellbeing. But again, to me it's counter-productive to moving on and living life.
Greetings!
I wish you the best, Koltar. Prayers are always helpful, in my experience. I believe that your friend would want you to "Game On!", as the expression goes. I want to encourage you during such a difficult time, and to strongly consider maintaining your gaming hobby.
Semper Fidelis,
SHARK
Hi,
Update time...its a sad one.
Its a Star Trek setting for this campaign so in an e-mail I offered the player, my friend these optionS;
ONE: Commander B___ dies heroically saving the ship in the middle of a dangerous situation.
TWO: In a burst of shimmering light and strange sounds Commander B___ "winks out" and disappears. The Science officers determine that she has 'blinked' back to an alternate universe or timeline...
....and ....
THREE: Commander B___ is promoted to Captain and given command of a ship of her own (or Starbase, space station) In this option she, and 'you' are still with the crew or 'us' - just somewhere else in the Star Trek universe with a command of your own.
Then later in the letter I told her: " I want a miracle cure to happen and you get healthier and live another 5 to 47 years. "
Many hours later the same day I got an e-mail from her husband saying "...It is sure she will not be able to partecipate in any future game or even observe one. "
Yep, its very heartbreaking moment stuff. One of the other players ion the group was able to visit her yesterday and texted me that our mutual longtime friend was deteriating quickly.
Hope I can game again....
-Ed C.
Also following this thread.
My brother died of Cancer last week and currently I am still in shock. I put my group on hiatus, but I don't know what the future will bring. I was lucky to have gamed with my brother one last time this summer. He enjoyed Call of Cthulhu, so I made it as special as I could for him (props, sounds, smells, minis, etc), knowing that it might be the last time. And it was. I feel that revisiting that game for a while will be too difficult for me. In his memory, I have a dedication to him in one of my upcoming game adventures. I'll do more, but it's still too raw emotion right now.
Ask yourself if this person would want you to stop gaming for their sake. The answer will obviously be no but ask yourself anyway.
Quote from: Koltar on December 29, 2022, 08:07:35 AM
Yep, its very heartbreaking moment stuff. One of the other players ion the group was able to visit her yesterday and texted me that our mutual longtime friend was deteriating quickly.
Hope I can game again....
I'm so sorry to hear that, Koltar.
I'd say take time to process however works for you. You might take a break from gaming for a while, or only doing different sorts of games, or some combination of the two. There is more to life than gaming, so give yourself space to do what works for you overall.
UPDATE:
Just got the Bad News - she died about 25 minutes ago.
One of the oother players in the group had just been at her place and called me.
Now I've been asked to contact people that her husband doesn't have info for.
Kind of messed up right now.
-Ed C.
Aw, damn. Sorry for your loss, Ed.
Hold on to the memories of the times you shared. They will far outlast this present grief.
I know when my dad died it helped to focus on being there for other people. It kind of took me out of my own grief.
Sorry to hear of your loss, Koltar.
I'm sorry for your loss. It must be very difficult to lose a close friend.
Quote from: Koltar on January 01, 2023, 10:12:49 PM
UPDATE:
Just got the Bad News - she died about 25 minutes ago.
One of the oother players in the group had just been at her place and called me.
Now I've been asked to contact people that her husband doesn't have info for.
Kind of messed up right now.
-Ed C.
My condolances on the loss of your friend.
Got through the funeral this morning without tearing up.
likely will hit me wtears at midnight...
The Service or Memorial part had bits of comedy to it because my friend had a decent sense of humor and touched upon or interacted with a lot of sub cultures locally. MENSA, the Pagan and Wiccan crowd, Jewish spirtuality scholars, and military veterans too....and oh yeah gamers and steampunks.
Many people after the memorial and sort of during the burial told me that she often said she enjoyed our game sessions the best (Yep, she was in other game groups sometimes)
Afterwards at the wake (?) reception? - All the other players of the group were talking like they wanted to continue the campaign if possible - just a matter of scheduling and logistics. The thought of rotating who hosted' the game sessions was discussed.
Lots of hugs happened.
Guess you could say during sad events a bit of a Happy Ending happened...
- Ed C.