Spinning this off from another thread, I thought it might be fun to come up with a selection of magic items and gear (including armour, mounts, familiars, and clothing) that are a bit more unique. Not necessary "useless", but ones that don't provide combat bonuses or superpowers. Magic items that are, technically, magic, even if what they do either has no practical benefit, or the benefit is so limited and specific that this is the type of item that would end up in the $1 bargain bin of those 4th edition magic item shops in games where there is an assumed "magic item economy".
Examples from the other thread include:
The Hat of the Octopus: once a day randomly sprays ink d6 feet
The Magic Horse: poops apples and other assorted fruits. You could eat them, but most people don't want to.
Angler Fish Hat: When in social situations, the protrusion at the top of the hat vibrates, causing all characters of the opposite gender within 3d6 feet to pass a Wisdom test or they must bring the bearer some food.
I'll be adding to this thread as the whim takes me, please feel free to do the same.
Cape of Garnishment: this luxurious cloak is covered in iridescent fish scales and hemmed with marmot fur.
Every thing the character eats while wearing it tastes salty.
Boots l'Esprit d'Escalier: Allow the wearer to walk backwards at twice their normal speed. When they do so, the last thing they said to anyone within the previous ten minutes will be immediately forgotten by that person.
Sword of Herman the Iron - A +1 magical sword, +3 when fighting against an opponent in a duel. Whoever carries it, even in scabbard, must pass a difficult Wisdom test or automatically accepts any duel.
Sword of Pedantry: Anyone carrying this sword in its scabbard must correct any errors or mistruths spoken aloud in their presence or lose d6 HPs. If the sword is unsheathed, the wielder's AC is improved by +3, but they may not make any attacks until they prove their opponent wrong in a rhetorical debate. Their attack receives a +1 To Hit for every logical fallacy voiced by their opponent.
Actual items from my book.
The Eversharp Knife: A standard serrated eating knife that never gets dull. Can function as a dagger.
The Everclean Plates: Self clean after one hour of non-use. Make sure to get your leftovers off before that. No effect on anything still alive. Also a set of Everclean eating utensils.
The Everpure Bottle: Kills all bacteria in any liquid placed in it. Also prevents spoiling.
The Everfresh Container: Food placed in it never spoils or goes bad. Come in various sizes. No effect on non-food items.
The Everdead Coffin: Prevents a body placed in it from decaying or being animated. This one had an unexpected side effect of rendering dormant any undead placed in it. No effect on the Well Preserved though...
All of these were made by an adventuring necromancer named Everrest who was quite fastidious for someone who worked with animated dead and undead as a job description. Opened up a shop and sold his creations there so there are sets in the hands of more than a few individuals now. Death made him an offer in the end to continue crafting his household items in the afterlife. Also made the Eversoft Sheets for ghosts. Probably one of the most well known necromancers on the planet.
The Fowl Belt : Made from the skin of a mallard, and adorned with a clasp crafted from bill, the Fowl Belt will cause the wearer to quack incessantly for 3d12 seconds any time they fail a Charisma test.
Bugman's Lamp of Arbitrary Reminiscence: A small tin lamp made for attaching to the top of a crooked walking stick. When a candle is placed inside and lit, the lamp projects static images of the life of the tree used to make the walking stick.
Thunder Slippers: Small, pink, fuzzy slippers with felt bunny ears on the tips. When worn, all noise made by the wearer is increased by x d100 decibels.
Dragging Bracer - A metal armband decorated with an interlocking pattern of shiny black and white "U" shapes. Once per day the armband will allow the wearer to cast Telekinesis, but with the following restrictions: it only works on objects, has a limit of 500 pounds and can only move objects closer to the wearer, not away or sideways (a mid-air hold is fine).
Rhino Helm - Requires attunement. A brass helm shaped like a stylized rhino's head with no eyes, its jagged upper lip forming a visor. When wearing this you gain the benefits of the Charger feat if you don't already have it. If you already have the Charger feat, you gain the Mobile feat instead.
In addition to these effects, the helm also allows you to use the Passwall spell once per day with the following limitations: The opening cannot be more than 5 feet deep, it lasts only 10 minutes, and requires you to slam your head against the surface you wish to affect (this doesn't damage you).
Conch of Nostalgia - A golden sea conch with a ring-shaped switch around its tip. When the ring is "switched" on, the conch produces a combination of bittersweet harp music and the sound of gently rolling waves. Those who listen to it feel somewhat sad for their lost childhood at the shore... even if they never had a childhood at the shore.
Moistloaf Carver: When drawn across empty air in a deliberate slicing motion, this perpetually dull carving knife will produce a slice of a grey-pink glistening substance that when eaten will sustain a humanoid for a day, albeit with considerable digestive distress.
Beasts will not eat the product of the Moistloaf Carver, and any humanoid with dietary restrictions or allergies will likewise find the slices intolerable.
Box of Reveries - This tiny box is studded with flakes of pink stone and contains a single pill. Anyone who willingly eats the pill sinks into a vivid lucid dream for 15 minutes. While the details of the dream vary with each user, they are always pleasant and idyllic.
The box will generate exactly one pill every 24 hours as long as the previous one was eaten or destroyed. Anyone who takes seven such pills in daily succession sinks into the lucid dream permanently, requiring a spell to deliver them before they starve to death.
As you can imagine, the box is often found in the possession of an emaciated but serene-looking corpse.
Jar of Jurons - This small earthen jar is sculpted with the face of the most smack-able little brat you can imagine.
If the jar's lid is lifted, anyone who swears or uses "dirty" language within 10 feet of it has that word or idiom sucked out of their vocabulary. From then on, any attempt to say the word or idiom will instead result in realistic donkey's braying.
The jar is uncanny in its ability to recognize swearing in any language or region. Its powers can never interfere with spellcasting however.
The effects can be removed with suitable magic or by smashing the jar. If the jar is broken it produces an hour-long swear-word filled tirade that drifts around like a cloud of noise before dissipating.
The Floral Despectralizer: a small flower-shaped platinum pendant. When touched by ghasts, ghosts, spectres, and other spectral undead it turns them into flowers for d6 hours.
The Left Pinky Toe of Vecna: When slipped into an alcoholic drink, the left pinky toe turns that alcohol into another type of alcohol of generally the same strength.
Helm of Rhinomorphosis: when wearing this helmet, the bearer may at will change the size and shape of their nose.
Virnak's Ravenous Steed
This is a silver-furred goat the size of a warhorse. It functions as a warhorse, except that it has one attack, with its horns, doing 2d8 damage.
The goat can, upon command, eat *anything*, but only so much of anything as a normal warhorse-sized goat can eat over the course of a day. (It eats whatever it is commanded to the same way a goat normally would, and can digest it & gain nourishment from it as well.)
EDIT
If *not* commanded to eat something once a day, the goat gets to decide what's for dinner!
Sword Of The First Eagle
This sword provides no combat bonuses, except that if the proper battlecry is known, it can be used once per day to rally all allied soldiers within 30 feet of the wielder, instantly giving them good morale.
The good morale lasts as long as it normally would, so subsequent misfortune can cause them to flee as normal. Magical fear effects are probably not dispelled.
The Most Interesting Brooch
*Any* intelligent creature who sees this brooch must make a saving throw (Will/ vs. spells) or be compelled to inspect this brooch as closely as reasonably possible for one minute, once per day.
Cloak of Ready Stowing
You can hang this cloak up on any surface, or in thin air, and it will hang there as if you put in on a hook in a closet.
It can't support more than twenty pounds of weight doing so, however.
Yasid's Fortuitous Rope
When you uncoil this length of rope it is exactly as long as you need it to be.
Once coiled back up, its length becomes ambiguous again.
Oar of Liquid Control
Looks like a standard rowboat's oar, but can be used to control and corral the flow of liquids, more or less as if the oar is a rake and the liquid is leaves (so, if the liquid is waist deep or so, it may still be pointless to try to sweep it all back, or whatever.)
Used as a boat's oar, it's four times as effective as a normal oar.
It can also be used as a weapon against oozes and the like, doing 2d6 damage (and being immune to most ooze effects.)
Coat of Vegan Mischief
A fur coat; upon command it turns into the animal whose fur it is made of, but only if being worn at the time.
The animal can be transformed back into the fur coat by repeating the command word, but only after the animal has broken something.
Hexeldom's Wondrous Oil: A drop of this oil on exposed flesh causes the growth of green fur. This fur falls off after d8 days.
Knife Of Perfect Safety
This dagger must be attuned to its owner. It provides no bonuses, but does not bend and cannot under *any* circumstances harm its owner. The edge will turn, the point will turn, even if the owner hurls himself bodily upon the blade; anything holding the blade in place will give one way or another.
The Recurring Goat: A small pocket-sized goat carved from horn and gilded in gold. Every day it is in the possession of the owner it will summon a single goat that will remain within sight of the bearer, staying 3d10 yards away at all times. If the goat is killed or harmed in any way, the subsequent day an additional goat will be summoned. If the bearer tries to give away, sell, or otherwise get rid of the item, it will rematerialize in their pocket or bag within d10 hours, or otherwise appear on the ground within 2d6 feet. If the bearer attempts to destroy the item, they will immediately be attacked by a horde of 3d6 goats.
Ozzfozwick's Naughty Leopard Leotards: A pair of leggings seemingly made of leopard skin. The wearer appears to be wearing no pants whatsoever to everyone who does not possess magic sight or Infravision.
Dust of Mirth & Flatulence
Sprinkled in an area, all who enter feel giddy, laugh easily, and have terrible gas. (DC 5 billion, save for even more gas). Lasts for d4 hours.
Curious Devil Chime
Indestructible artifact. Once rang intentionally by someone a demonic portal opens up right next to the ringer and a massive demonic head appears, screaming, "Soon, you're soul shall be mine! Ten!"
And then it disappears.
If progressively rang intentionally by the same ringer, regardless of the time elapsed, the demon's head will appear & repeat the message above, but continue the countdown to zero. At reaching zero the ringer is slain instantly, stripped of his soul, and dragged to hell. (No save).
The Glass Watermelon, with Ghost Piranha inside
Fragile artifact. A beautiful watermelon made from blown glass, partially transparent. Inside what looks to be a fish with a weirdly set jaw swims inside. That's all, it's just pretty.
If anyone breaks the glass the fish falls out flopping onto the next immediate non-organic surface, and continues to flop about gasping for breath. Anyone touching the fish is automatically bitten for 1 HP damage and discovers that the fish is intangible. The fish is a ghost piranha whose locus is now rooted to wherever the glass watermelon broke. Only removable by exorcism.
Puma Pants Alarm
Enchanted britches made from the skin of a mountain lion that can ensorcel a given 20'x20' space around the user, often a room. Casting time is 1 minute as the caster goes about the 20'x20' space, touch and declare what is his by saying, "This is Mine." Up to ten objects can be alarmed for the next 8 hours in this manner.
Anyone, including the caster, who attempts to leave that space with said items will shit themselves immediately. (No save).
Mirror of All Angles - When viewing yourself in in this full-length mirror you can issue the following commands: back, overhead, beneath, ideal light, bad light, flaw, fat, thin, dead.
"Back" will show you your own back in the reflection.
"Overhead" will show what you look like from a close bird's eye view.
"Beneath" will show what you look like seen from under a glass floor.
"Ideal light" will show what you look like in a room with flattering light.
"Bad light" will show what you look like in unflattering light.
"flaw" will show a zoom in on whatever is the greatest flaw in your appearance that can actually be fixed.
"Fat" will show you fatter.
"Thin" will show you thinner.
"Dead" will show you as a corpse in advanced decomposition. Due to a glitch in the magic it will also kill you.
Shears of Forever - This pair of scissors seems to reflect the vastness of the cosmos in their metal surfaces. If they are used to cut a hair off of a creature's body, that hair will never grow back again.
Somewhere on another plane of existence there is a small planetoid covered in all the hair that the shears have ever cut. The hair sprouts from the fleshy surface of the planetoid and continues to grow forever, so at this point it is covered in tangled layers of hair several miles deep. Anyone in possession of the shears can teleport to this planetoid by using its sharp edge to cut a trap door into the floor of an establishment that has served as a barber shop for at least a month.
Who knows what wonders have been lost in the miles of hair?
Journal of Obsessive Documentation - This is a pale, thin, softcover book with a cartoonish depiction of a scribe on its cover.
The journal has infinite pages but will only accept diary-style writing, with clearly dated entries and personal recollections. It will also only take one entry per person per day. For every 99 individual entries a person racks up, they can write a fanciful 100th entry of how they "wish" the day had gone or will go for them, and within reason it will magically come true (this is equivalent in power to how a Wish spell works).
However, there is a chance that anyone who submits a 100th entry will become obsessed with keeping their "secret diary" away from prying eyes and will waste future Wishes on arranging absurd levels of security for their journal.
Sword Of Knightly Glass
A longsword made of glass, this is an ineffective weapon and purely ceremonial in nature. It is surprisingly sturdy, but not unbreakable.
Once per day, it can be used on a humanoid loyal to the wielder, by tapping him/her with the flat of the blade on each shoulder.
If the humanoid is lower than 4th level /4 hit dice, he will immediately gain the powers of a 4th level fighter in all respects, except that he will have a maximum of 1 hit point. This effect lasts the rest of the day.
On a related note. I was doing a quick personal list of common magic items in 5e and yeesh there more or less arent any. Just 3 out of the whole list.
Potion of Climbing, Potion of Healing, and Scrolls with cantrips or 1st level spells.
So simple chore-saving magic items would fit well to fill in the gap.
THE MISCELLANEOUS COMPENDIUM OF ITEMS MADE PURELY TO WIN BETS
Whistle Of Cat Herding
A military whistle with a couple of decorative feathers. When blown, it summons all felines in a 90-foot radius, who converge upon the user and assemble themselves in military rank and file. They can then be commanded to march in any direction for up to 120 feet. They will do so in perfect synchronicity.
Ixion's Indiscriminate Bib
When worn, any one thing the wearer eats during the course of a day will taste like strawberries.
Dwarvish Metadice
Once a day, this pair of six-sided gaming dice can be telepathically commanded to come up with the exact result the user wishes, provided that it is in a game or decision with actual stakes greater than 20 gp value.
The catch is, the player of the character must then accept that same result for his next two in-game dice rolls wherein such a result is possible (i.e. no 12s for a d4 roll).
Lens of the Moral Guardian - A magnifying glass whose frame is topped by a stern looking eyebrow. Anyone observed through it glows bright red if they have fornicated in the past 24 hours.
Chamber of Red Rage - This is a room that is a most unpleasant shade of neon red. Anyone who spends more than a few minutes in it gradually grows more irritable (depending on their willpower). Within a few hours they are ready to kill at the slightest provocation. The rage clears away completely upon exiting.
This is a particularly cruel and amusing way of disposing of unwanted prisoners. Just put them in there with their best friend or romantic partner and enjoy the show.
Bannister of Upward Sliding - This is a smoothly varnished staircase bannister. Sit on it and tap it thrice with your hand and you will magically slide up it at a safe speed. Watch out though, tap it four times and you'll slide up at the speed you would slide down!
Water Degravitator - This tool looks like an ice-cream scoop with a bowl the size of a grapefruit. If you use it to scoop up water and flick your wrist -just right- the water is no longer affected by gravity for the next five minutes and drifts about like a bubble. If you practice the wrist flick you can set this bubble in mid-air or send it careening in any direction at any thrown speed.
Multi-size Invisible Cube - This invisible cube is as light as dove but as sturdy as steel. Its surface is easy to wash of dirt and other substances that reveal it. It is normally three inches across, but there are special holes in two of the corners that allow someone to hook their fingers into it and pull until the cube stretches to a maximum size of five feet. It can be squeezed back down again in the same manner.
Feline Wings - This harness is equipped with a pair of cherubic wings. When attached to a house cat, and only a house cat, it allows the wearer to fly with all the speed and grace of a slightly overweight hawk. The harness grants an instinctive understanding of flight to the wearer.
The Ur-Tangle - This hideous little ornament resembles a hairy obscene alien organ. Dust bunnies accumulate at seven times the usual rate within 20 feet of it.
The Flea of Persecution
A regular flea from the sub-tropical savannah of the lower hemisphere that carries a psionic parasitic disease. Upon being bit the psionic microorganism thrives on the overworked adrenal hormones. Symptoms of hypersensitivity, paranoia, and anguish follow, leading to the animal causing grief and agitation among its peers. Advanced symptoms, if surviving ostracism from the frustrated herd, end in hyperventilation, tremors, and finally death from adrenal exhaustion.
The Cube of Infinite Salutations: A small, palm-sized cube of a ruby-like material. When held up to the bearer's mouth, anything they say will be instantantly translated as "hello" (or an equivilant friendly greeting) in the native language of the listener
Book of Volume
A fairly thick leather bound book with a heafty brass clasp. Rather than pages it has a number of fairly sturdy pannels. When opened onto to one of these pannels the open double page reveals a container about a foot deep the size and shape of the open book.
There are generally about a dozen such open pages in the book. (3d6)
As well as acting as a "bag of holding" type device the Book is also Entropically Isolated which is to say if you light a fire in a panel it will remain lit once you close the book and be there happily burning away when you open the book a month later. Likewise a meal will stay warm, a bowl of water will stay wet.... etc
The Book weighs about 3 pounds whatever it is carrying.
Orb of Magic Manipulation
This Orb will allow a caster to manipulate magical energy fields so they can bend a force wall, create a curtain in a wall of fire, create a gap in a suit of mage armour....
The bearer needs to concentrate and take an action to perform the manipulation. If concentration is broken the field takes on its original form like elastic.
gaps in protective walls etc will decrease their AC benefit by 50%
Shears of Ephemeral Life - Once per day, if these delicate heart-etched scissors are used to cut a humanoid figure out of paper, the figure will come to life. The figure cannot be more than 8 inches tall and has almost no ability to affect the physical world. It can walk around under its own power.
The figure is a complete entity, gifted with speech, adult intelligence and a unique personality. A the stroke of midnight it dies, shrivels up and turns to dust.
Ring of Thrumm - This plain looking ring produces a continuous low hum, just barely audible if you bring it up to your ear. The wearer can, at will, cause an inanimate and unattended object within 10 feet to vibrate. If the object is small enough it might randomly move as a result. The object will continue to vibrate for an hour or until the wearer chooses to affect another target.
Fool Stool - This wooden stool is carved all over with crudely misspelled threats about someone's future career prospects. Anyone sitting on it is incapable of daydreaming about anything other than latrine cleaning. These daydreams are terrifyingly detailed and accurate.
Throne of King Sudo
Three times a day, a suggestion spell effect may be used from this gold and wooden seat, but only to demand meals.
Full Plate Armor of Detachment
This suit of plate mail does not confer extra protective benefits, except that when it is put on, the wearer can freely detach and reattach his own fingers, limbs, head – anything along the joint lines of the mail. Any detached part retains its ambulatory properties and is still controlled by the wearer of the armor. If a separated part is removed from its armor, it reappears attached to the correct part of the wearer's body (but, minus the armor, of course).
The protective benefit is that, should a part of the wearer's body be severed by a blow along one of the joint lines of the armor, it is treated as if the wearer voluntarily detached that part.
Iskelm's Helms of Remote Scent
This magical item is a pair of identical iron and electrum visored helms. The plan was that the user could see clairvoyantly out of the second helm if he wore the first, and vice versa; instead, the wearer of one helm can merely smell odors from where the other helm is situated.
Crate of Repossession
This nondescript wooden crate's enchantment only takes effect if it broken. Should that happen, the crate vanishes, teleporting 1d12x100 feet away in a random lateral direction, and reappearing unharmed.
The breaker of the crate is then briefly cursed: the next two items he finds and takes into his possession will vanish from his hand and reappear in the crate.
Carpet of Relative Majesty
This is a long carpet, usually deep red or royal purple, typically about 50 feet long by 10 feet wide, with a fringe of cloth-of-gold or the like.
If the carpet is walked upon lengthwise from one end, the walker will shrink in size as he walks, down to half size at the other end of the carpet.
This effect is easily reversed by walking down the carpet in the other direction.
However, walking down the carpet in the other direction to begin with does not confer any size increase beyond one's original size.
The Conch of Extended Echoes: Any statement made into the conch will be repeated, clearly, 3 years later
Pasture in a Bottle - This bulbous glass container has a miniature, fully functional pasture ecology inside of it. The highlight is the herd of tiny sheep, each the size of a pea, roaming its wind swept hills.
The gravity and inertia inside the bottle is unaffected by shaking or tilting, but one sheep can be removed at a time by squeezing a small bladder attached to the narrow mouth (they remain pea-sized). Nothing can be put into the bottle except the sheep.
If all the sheep are removed the bottle will gradually generate a new herd when no one is looking. If the bottle is broken a heap of bloody mutton (full-sized) will burst out of it with harmless but messy force.
Liustucru, Sentient Pasta Fork - Liustucru is a golden fork with small squares of lapis lazuli embedded in his handle to form a checkerboard pattern. He is always pleasantly warm to the touch, but his voice sounds like that of a pompous fat man with slight breathing problems.
Any pasta dish eaten using Liustucru tastes like it was prepared by a master chef, regardless of its actual quality. Any poisons or diseases in the dish are neutralized. Once per day he can transform any single serving of food into any pasta dish (this includes sauce and pasta shape). Once per month he can conjure enough high quality pasta to feed eight people. Finally, he can accurately assess the quality of any pasta dish within 60 feet of him in great detail and nuance.
He developed sentience on his own through magical mutation. He adopted his personality (and voice unfortunately) from a bombastic chef who called him an affront to the cooking arts. Although their encounter was unpleasant, the fork admired the chef's dedication to authenticity, and was inspired to become an itinerant restaurant critic.
He will frequently urge his current owner to check out the local pasta establishments so he can assess them. If polite requests to do so are ignored, Liustucru will try to magically compel his owner. Afterward, the fork will dictate his review so that it can be printed in a worthy local publication.
Liustucru has a bizarre nasty streak when it comes to children, insulting them whenever they are within earshot. This dates back to the time a spoiled princeling and his buddies used him for all sorts of disgusting sport. The fork eventually mind-controlled the child into cutting pieces off himself and cooking them for his unsuspecting parents. Liustucru found this so amusing that he wouldn’t be averse to doing it again to a deserving brat if the opportunity arose.
Mahogany Desk of Spectral Administration - This imposingly plain desk fills the viewer with the sort of dread one feels when facing down a hostile bureaucracy. A person seated behind it can send out a mental summons for any low level ghosts within a hundred miles to instantly appear before the desk one at a time and deliver their name, date of birth, place of birth, date of death, place of death, cause of death, names and last known locations of surviving kin, occupation in life, and occupation in death (that is, the nature of their haunting).
Ghosts can attempt to resist the summons, but failure results in full disclosure. If a ghost is normally bound to a certain location they are allowed to leave it until their accounting is finished. Cause of death does not mean a murderer's identity will be revealed, only that the ghost was murdered. The desk's user doesn't need to know beforehand who they are summoning or even if any ghosts are out there.
A person seated behind the desk cannot be harmed by ghosts but cannot perform hostile actions against them either.
The Hat of the Increasingly Agitated Beaver: A beaver-fur hat that allows the wearer to lift greater and greater weights of wood the angrier they get. This strength bonus only applies to wood and wooden objects. Continued ue of thi item make the bearer's front 2 teeth gradually increase in length
Belt of Youthful Japes - The buckle of this rubber belt is shaped like a winking geezer's face. If the wearer has suffered physical or mental deterioration due to age the belt restores everything but their appearance to a youthful state, but only if they are currently planning or carrying out a prank of some sort. Every 100th prank performed while wearing the belt adds a month to the wearer's natural lifespan.
Wand of Rarity - This tacky jewel-encrusted wand is tipped with a large golden 'R'. If it is pointed at a creature or object the wielder has an immediate but only approximate sense of how rare that type of creature or object is in the world. The parameters can be mentally adjusted, revealing how rare the thing is in a region or galaxy for instance. The notion of rarity can be relative of course, and the wand will adapt the impression it provides to what its wielder is intellectually capable of understanding.
Texeiran Jumping Beam - This heavy wooden beam was one part of a magical flying chateau, but the whole thing crashed and mostly burned up. The beam and others like it were salvaged for later re-use in other, more mundane structures, but their magic didn't fade away as expected, and they had a habit of suddenly "jumping" out of support structures and through walls at random, usually with catastrophic results.
Most of the beams have since been tossed into the wilderness, where they sometimes startle explorers whose magical items trigger "jumping spasms" through their proximity.
Ma Doqua's Stuffed Raven - This is a poorly taxidermized raven with an awkwardly outstretched wing and googly eyes. Despite its quality, some magic ensures no one ever throws it away.
Anyone trying to produce something artistic within 100 feet of it will unknowingly and inexorably be drawn to tragic themes. Writers will produce tear-jerker stories, painters will create images of utter gloom, singers will select the most despairing tunes in their repertoire, etc.
It's important to note that only the artistic output will be affected; the raven has no influence over a person's actual mood.
Amulet of Psychotic Emphasis - Any time the words "kill", "death", "murder", "slay", or "die" are uttered within 30 feet of the amulet, their volume and emotional intensity are amplified to an embarrassing degree.
Portable Toilet Slime
A domesticated slime residing in a collapsible box of holding. It waits patiently to be fed organic matter, to be digested quite slower than average slimes. The box collapses to about the size of an Octavo sized book. Comes with a book slipcover which is a collapsible privacy screen.
Sandals of Soft Trails – Everywhere the wearer's feet land, vibrant grass and flowers sprout for a minute before fading away.
Glass Eye Wallet – If the pupil of this high quality glass eye is tapped twice, a drawer just large enough for a coin springs out of it. The drawer is actually an extra dimensional space that can contain up to 1000 individual coins. If the person reaching into the drawer knows what specific coins are in it, they can pull out whichever one they want.
Cloak of Perfect Comfort: The enchantment on this cloak allows the wearer to be perfectly comfortable in any climate, temperature or weather, e.g. if in the arctic or desert the wearer will feel like it's a fine spring day in a temperate region, or if it's raining like dry. Requires attunement. This type of enchantment can be placed on any type of clothing or blanket, bedroll or etcetera.
Pendant of Sculpting - This rather heavy pendant is shaped like an egg with a strange saw-like pattern zig-zagging across its dull metal surface. It can be opened to reveal a small compartment inside, about a cubic-inch.
If a stone or piece of wood is inserted into the compartment, the pendant will gradually carve it into a small statue over about 8 hours. This will only work if the pendant is actually being worn by a living creature, and opening the compartment early ruins the sculpture. During the process the pendant produces a low buzzing sound. Each sculpture is unique, and can be abstract or representational.
The pendant is secretly powered by the wearer's life-force, resulting in an increased appetite and slightly reduced lifespan.
Ingenious players find ways to make almost any magic item useful. In one of my current campaigns, a magic-user got a "magician's hat", which is a hat that lets them pull a single rabbit per day out of it. I figured at most, it would mean they'd have to worry a little less about rations. But you wouldn't believe all the shit they've managed to come up with using that damned rabbit (for starters, the poor rabbits have been frequent first-test subjects for potential dungeon traps).
Trap Chickens have routinely been a staple in dungeon-focused campaigns I've been in. I absolutely believe a "free rabbit a day" item would get used similarly. In fact, I should make a magical version where you'd want to go back and retrieve your trap chicken.
The Rubber Chicken
Indestructible
This is a rubber toy in the shape of a flattened chicken. Activated by blowing air through the rubber chicken beak, turns into a live chicken for 1 minute that can take simple commands like a trained dog. The live chicken can be destroyed, upon so the Rubber Chicken reappears and hovers where the chicken was last "alive." An indestructible magic object subjected to annihilation magic negates both magics — and causes a great explosion (GM determines).
Mysterious Hat of Falvorino
Once a day when this broad-rimmed black hat is put on, the wearer becomes focused on the nearest mystery in the area, concentrating on it above all else save immediate mortal danger, and after 1d4 turns he ascertains 1d4 facts about said mystery.
Neither the mystery uncovered nor the facts ascertained are guaranteed to be relevant, interesting, or useful.
Reins of Equine Sundering
These modestly decorated leather straps have no effect unless they are used as the reins of a horse. A horse and rider equipped with the reins of equine sundering can, running at full speed, charge through barriers – up to 6 inches thick of wood, or 3 inches thick of stone or metal – without being harmed.
Getting the horse to run at full speed into a wall like that is entirely up to the rider.
If the horse hits a barrier twice as thick as that, the horse will instead explode, inflicting 4d6 damage to the rider and anyone else in a 15-foot radius. Less than that (but more than 6 or 3 inches) and the horse will merely suffer 1d8 points of damage.
Palette Tattoo - The exact design of this magic tattoo varies, but it always includes at least seven distinct colors, more if possible. At will the tattoo's bearer can cause any individual patch of color to secrete the appropriate paint, just enough to coat a paintbrush with.
Omni-Cameo - This pretty locket contains a nicely sculpted cameo of someone's profile. While the locket is closed the wearer can will it to change the cameo into a flattering image of anyone the wearer has seen. The image stays that way until someone changes it again.
Popular with seducers who need to impress multiple conquests at a time.
Maybe a bit to useful for this threat, but it is the best place I found for it:
Sleeping Hat of the fuzzy and cute: When worn during sleep, this pink fuzzy hat with adorable kitten ears ensures that the user has nice dreams filled with kittens, puppys, smiling suns and other mind-numbing cute things. In addition the user looks so adorable and peaceful as to be considered under the affect of a sanctuary spell during sleep.
However, any sleep under the effect of this item is extended to last 12 hours and only pain (at least one point of damage) can wake the user. If awoken before 12 hours of sleep have been taken, no effect of rest is gained.
Sarcophagus of Pet Renewal - This little gold sarcophagus is just large enough for an average-sized dog and is decorated with kitschy scenes of disturbingly wide-mouthed children playing with various animals. If a deceased animal* with no special properties is left inside the sarcophagus overnight it returns to healthy life and in pristine youthful condition.
The creature counts as undead but otherwise acts as it always did. It no longer eats or drinks however; instead it unknowingly drains the life-force from any nearby humanoid children. Once a "playmate" has been sucked dry (a process that takes at least six months and produces symptoms that resemble a very forgiving wasting sickness right up until the end) the bereaved animal feels compelled to seek out new children to befriend before it too starts to wither.
*No humanoids
The Dire Hedgehog - a small felt, fuzzy bag, any object placed inside of which turns to a mixture of peanuts, caramel and chocolate.
Horn of Snow Clouds - This chunky horn is sky blue and carved with alpine scenes. Blowing into it once per week produces a cloud 200 feet in diameter that quickly drifts up into the air until it is floating about 15 feet off the ground. The cloud then produces gentle snow that gradually covers everything beneath it over the course of a half-hour. Afterward the cloud dissipates.
The snow is the ideal thickness and consistency for sledding, and magically withstands normal weather conditions for at least three hours (more when it's cold).
Grayscale Sponge - When dry, this round black sponge can be used to instantly wipe the color off of anything, leaving nothing but shades of white, grey and black. This "decolorization" lasts until the magic is dispelled (which is very easy to do for even apprentice mages) or the sponge is submerged in water.
Popular at high-society events where novelty is prized.
The Cast Iron Monkey - a small frying pan carved to resemble an ornate monkey head. The pan makes everything it cooks taste like bananas.
Plant Magnet - This horseshoe-shaped yellow lump of metal functions as a powerful magnet, but affects plant-matter instead.
Tenacious Trick Belt - This impressive black leather belt has a dark bronze buckle shaped like a grinning ogre face with a spectacular handlebar mustache.
Once you put on the belt, it becomes bound to you until you die, gift it to someone else, leave it off for a week, or somehow lose your waist.
If you are not wearing it, you can utter the command phrase "Belt, show everyone what you can do" and the belt will crawl toward you like a caterpillar, wind its way up your leg, and fasten itself around your waist.
The belt can be summoned from anywhere in the world, as it doesn't actually need to hear you. It will stop at nothing to reach your waist, and has the strength and toughness of an ogre. Those who get in its way will be firmly tossed aside, and objects that block its path will be battered down. Anything tied to it will be dragged along. It can spring ten feet into the air to clear obstacles and can swim like a snake.
Note that the belt cannot be commanded to stop, even by you, and only the most powerful abjuration magic can interfere with its powers.
Medal of All Conflicts - This plain-looking military medal has a subtle charm on it. People interacting with the wearer unconsciously assume he or she has served with distinction in some recent war that the charmees are aware of and react accordingly. This can help the wearer lie about the conflict, but too many blatant problems in the story can dispel the effect. Note that the wearer doesn't automatically know what war the charmee will think of.
The Perfume of Abdullah Al-Qahar: a small vial of perfume, even a drop of which can remove the scent of even the worst grime.
Ring of Last Words - This black ring has an ornament that combines an image of a mouth with an open casket.
If the wearer is mortally wounded, he is guaranteed the opportunity to gasp out a maximum of a minute worth of lucid speech before expiring. This cannot be used to cast spells, and the wearer is in dramatic pain the whole time. The wearer's voice is also subtly amplified so it can be heard at a greater range without causing discomfort.
If the wearer is healed at any point during his/her last words, the ring breaks and he/she is cursed with eternal muteness.
From an old 2E AD&D campaign treasure trove.
large jar with head in amber liquid (seems to be aware): head is one Ewar
Farrar (LN), an apprentice Necromancer who cheesed off his mentor, he has
been in the jar for 78 years (43 of them in his masters den). Outside of
the jar he will quickly die.
conch shell: has four hours of music recorded on it, popular symphonies.
medallion w/ 17 moonstones: a magic compass, always knows North and can
'tag' an object for tracking.
blade (24" long, 3" wide, 1/4" thick, straight with D-style guard and
beautiful wood grips): blade will cut wood and plants without effort,
leaves the plant unharmed, will not cut any other substance.
27 sheets of vellum in leather scroll tube: pages can accept 'images' from
a mage using them, will record anything the mage is looking at when command
word is used ( Flash!).
lidded medallion on chain: 'pocket' clock, tells time (hour, minute,
seconds), date, has chime (hourly, every ten minutes or every minute) and
has hologram of dancing girl (seven veils strip).
gold nightengale (life sized): automaton, functions like real bird, has
switch and will come when called.
pheonix feather quill: has endless supply of mundane ink.
ivory cube (1" x 1" x 1"): 'icecube', will cool up to a gallon of liquid
down to any temp. short of freezing in one minute, can be used for one hour
per day.
8" pot w/ attached lid: lid attached by short chain, will self heat (up to
1000 degrees), must rest for equal time period used, maximum of twenty four
hours use at one time.
flask of blood: vampire blood, one pint.
glass sphere (15" diameter) with small blue demon inside (appears unhappy
and aware of it's surroundings): entrapped minor demon, sphere has had
Glassteel cast on it, opening the sphere will release the demon, demons
name is Takoupla and is LE.
invisible ring: gold ring which is invisible.
gold handled folding straight razor: magicked to never dull or rust.
dram container of clear liquid: medusa's tears.
broom: automatic broom, will clean one square yard per minute, will work
for up to 12 hours per day.
3' steel bar w/ seam at center and textured grips to either side of seam:
a "static" bar, when the two sections are twisted in opposite directions
from each other the bar will "lock" itself in place until released, bar can
be "locked" in midair if desired.
An invisible medium round shield: shield is simply invisible, opponent
gets a -2 on attacks first round due to surprise.
black leather war kack: Saddle of Security.
black cloth (1' square): Cloth of Polishing.
mahogany box (3' x 2' x 2', with hinged lid): Box of Preservation.
gray wool blanket (6' square): Blanket of Comfort, keeps the user (can
cover two M sized persons) at their preferred temp. (can adjust up to a
60 degree temp. difference).
teak handle set with tattoo needles: Needles of Tattooing, needles have
endless supply of tattoo ink in up to 256 colours, needles are also sterile
at all times.
silver coin: a coin with a Magic Mouth cast upon it (set to release when in
the presence of a green elephant carrying nine red pygmies).
The Pendant of Sectaurian Ameloriation - for whomsoever wears the pendant, if bitten by an insect, the bite will not itch.
Glove of Many Voices
A supple leather glove. The wearer of this glove can project his voice at will anywhere within 120 feet, from one particular location or up to a hundred (thus, multiplying his voice 100 times). However, this only works if the gloved hand is used to help vocalize the sound he makes. Thus, hand calls, babbling by strumming your lips, water-drop noises made by thumping your cheek, fart noises made against the palm of the gloved hand, certain whistles, and other manipulations can be projected with the aid of the glove of many voices, but mere gestures like "shh" or a covered cough will not.
Shield of Evening Relaxation
Upon command, this round metal shield sprouts four slender 3-foot-long legs from the handle-facing side, forming a small table.
A second command will produce a lit candle from the center of the shield. This candle stays fixed there and is a normal candle in all other respects.
A third command, often secret, causes the shield to project a small (2 ft. square) illusion 5 feet away. This illusion is typically of a theatrical performance of some sort.
The shield confers no special combat bonuses.
Robe of Scribing
A white robe. Anyone can use an unclothed digit to write on the robe, and their motions will produce solid black lines, as if painted on with a thin paintbrush.
Anything drawn or written on the robe can be erased by rubbing it with the unclothed palm of one's hand.
All markings on the robe disappear at midnight.
Potion of Gastronomic Rocketry
Not quite so dramatic as the name suggests (unless, perhaps, the true process of the item is known to a hostile party), this potion, when drunk, will cause the drinker to shit gunpowder for 1 day.
(If the drinker has nothing to digest, or is perhaps constipated, the effects of the potion can be lost.)
Stone Mule
A living construct in the shape of a mule. It has the hit points and other statistics of a mule, but is AC 0 (or 20) and can only be damaged by blunt weapons of +2 or better.
Each day it is used, roll d100. On a 00, the mule will decide not to move, and will at that point become a statue of a mule in all respects.
Sing Saw - This golden hand saw hums a lovely tune as it works its way through wood. It often produces original compositions, and it does its fortune-making best work when sawing through a living intelligent plant creature, like a treant or dryad.
The Aeroplane Over the Sea: a flying vehicle that will allow you to cross a large body of water. The flight, regardless of the size of the body of water, will take only about 40 minutes, and the in-flight music is weird and amazing.
Unfortunately, this is strictly a one-use item, never to be repeated.
Omni Deck - A person who shuffles this baroquely decorated deck of seemingly blank cards suddenly learns the rules to every card game currently extant in the world.
If the deck is placed face down and tapped twice while the name of a particular game is intoned, the faces of the cards transform into whatever is necessary to play that game. Even the number of cards in the deck is adjusted.
If a person uses the deck to play a particular game for at least three matches they become aware of all the game's major strategies, though they don't necessarily gain the skill to put those into effect.
Disconcerting Candle - This candle is an unpleasant shade of blue green and is covered in very fine writing that, upon closer inspection, turns out to be obscene words, disturbing ideas and heresies written in a variety of languages. When lit, it constantly whispers horrible things in a creepy voice to no one in particular.
I recently discovered the joys of GURPS Magic Items 1, 2 and 3. There's quite a bit of good stuff in there though I won't post it as that might be a copyright violation.
Bolas Of Legal Entanglement
These bolas don't have any combat bonuses, but once per month, the person (or other creature if possible) struck by these bolas will be instantly subject to legal investigation by the local authorities. If they have committed a crime in the area, it is that crime (or their most recent crime), but if not, the nature of the investigation is entirely random – treason, blasphemy, theft, outstanding taxes, etc. etc.
Quote from: Imp;821140Bolas Of Legal Entanglement
These bolas don't have any combat bonuses, but once per month, the person (or other creature if possible) struck by these bolas will be instantly subject to legal investigation by the local authorities. If they have committed a crime, it is that crime (or the most recent crime), but if not, the nature of the investigation is entirely random – treason, blasphemy, theft, outstanding taxes, etc. etc.
HAH! I applaud you!
Slightly Awkward Corpse-Cat: tied to a particular item, the owner of this item will have a familiar cat appearing at random intervals, even in places it has no business being, and dropping the bodies of small animals in front of him as if in offering. At first, these will be creatures that a cat might typically hunt: mice, small birds, etc. But the longer the PC remains in possession of this item, the more unusual the bodies or body-parts the cat will be dropping off: unidentifiable tentacles, a human hand, the blood-stained wig of obvious upper-class origin, etc.
Doki Doki Panic - This adorable shiba inu dog is friendly but sort of frantic. She is also subtly cursed: people around her gradually become more prone to nervous excitability and hyperactive anxiety. Vivid panic attacks at the worst possible times are her unfortunate specialty. None of this is clearly traceable to her without careful observation.
Doki Doki's curse stems from her heritage: her great grandsire was an otherworldly psionic horror of pure negative emotion that masqueraded as a dog for a time to escape hunters.
Great Grin Mask - This animal-bone mask has no eyeholes and is decorated with a disturbing toothy grin. If you wear it overnight it will straighten and whiten your teeth into a perfect smile, but it will also curse you with a tendency to smile wickedly at inappropriate moments.
Recorded Conversation in a Jeweled Clockwork Bird - This slightly scorched brass clockwork bird is studded with round emeralds. Every three minutes its little beak starts moving and it repeats the following conversation exactly, imitating the voices of two women -
A: What are you doing over there? I told you, I've tried everything.
B: I'm trying some of the keys I picked up earlier.
A: [panicked] Keys!? What keys!? Gimme those.
B: Let go, I've nearly got it!
A: No, not the ogre's key you imbec-- [interrupted by loud explosion]
the Little Magic Hat: a small conical 'wizard'-type hat, which would just fit on a standard adult human head but look fairly ridiculous. It is magically enchanted to detect as magical and to defy any other attempts at identification. It's a gag item, meant to drive wizards nuts thinking it must do something awesome.
Hover Home - This cottage is always levitating six inches off whatever ground is beneath it and will try to gently stabilize whenever it is passing over difficult terrain so as not to tumble its contents. Falls cannot destroy it or its contents. It is easily pushed however, and even a stiff breeze can send it skimming across the landscape unless it has been properly anchored.
Cloak of Obnoxious Ricochets - When any natural water lands on this waxy hood and cloak, it is forcefully repelled in a random direction for up to five feet. Stay well clear of the wearer during rainstorms.
Tome of Infinite Theologies - Every seven days this book transforms into a random new one, replacing all of its contents, but it only ever becomes religious, agnostic, or atheistic texts. It can become any such text ever written anywhere in the multiverse, and can be read and understood by any creature literate in any language. Nothing can stop or control the transformation.
Dagger Flute - It's a fucking dagger and a flute at the same time. It isn't even magical, goddammit.
(http://i.imgur.com/Srq7nCK.jpg)
Decadent Cigar - In addition to being a very fine cigar, if you use its smoke trail to trace a tall rectangle in the air it will conjure a very comfortable throne. If you use the smoke to trace a small circle it will conjure a glass of the fine liquor of your choice. If you use it to trace three connected triangles it will conjure a cosy fire that cannot actually ignite anything. All of these things (except the liquor in your system of course) vanish without a trace after an hour and a half. The cigar itself leaves no ash or smell and evaporates completely when finished.
Compelling Knitting Needles
Beautiful bone knitting needle set wrapped in valuable owlbear leather. Inspires confidence upon observers to try knitting projects with them, regardless of their knitting skill. Needles provide no bonus to knitting skill however. +3 v. owlbears.
Deafening Nutcracker - This nutcracker is sculpted to look like an adorable dwarf with bushy black eyebrows and beard. When it is used to crack nuts the sound it produces is painfully loud and audible at a much greater distance than you'd expect. Don't give this to any obnoxious kids or leave it lying around a patrolled dungeon. ;)
Tub of Safe Adventures - This old-fashioned wash-tub is a portable round basin made of pale white wood carved with whimsical merfolk motifs. Water poured into it magically warms up to whatever temperature the person in it prefers. It is impossible to drown in the tub, as its water can be breathed as easily as air.
If a child dips their head below the water, or an adult jumps into it bodily, they will find themselves in a water-filled room 120 feet in diameter and full of illusions of fish, glowing coral, playful merfolk and crazy sunken castles. The swimmer can exit the room at any time by swimming up through the overhead circle of light that represents the surface of the tub's water.
If the tub is emptied of water while anyone or any foreign objects are in the extra-dimensional room, those things are unceremoniously spilled out as well.
Excusing Homunculus - This version of a homunculus is generally good at lying but is especially talented at coming up with alibis and excuses for its lazy, irresponsible master. Since it does not need to sleep it can even work overtime planting evidence and setting up exonerating circumstances in anticipation of its master needing an excuse. It even has an adorable face with tragically sincere eyes, perfect for making angry visitor accept what it has to say.
Freleng's Stylus
A short stick of graphite, enscribed with runes, wrapped in a fine silk swatch. It can be used to draw animations on any surface a graphite pencil can ordinarily write on.
The way it works is, whenever a rightward arrow is drawn, it switches to the next frame of the animation, and whenever a leftward arrow is drawn, it switches to the previous frame. When the drawing is left alone for a day, the animation is finished and it begins to loop indefinitely.
The length of the animations it produces is limited only by the patience of the stylus's wielder. As a ballpark estimate, presume that it takes 1 hour to make 1-4 seconds of crude animation, or 3 hours to make 1 second of moderately well-crafted animation, or 6 hours to make 1 second of well-crafted and fairly complex animation.
Codpiece of the Rainbow Salmon
A codpiece with a pattern of salmon over blue. The wearer of this dreadfully accursed item will henceforth reproduce only by spawning, and only after swimming 500 yards upstream in a river prior to the act. Rumored to have been gifted to the new king of a particularly troublesome dynasty.
Phlegothian Jar of Glow
A cosmetic jar with a pearlescent cream inside that radiates its own light. This light is usable to read by, it is as strong as a candle, but the cream removed from the jar does not retain this luminescence. Applied to the face weekly it is an anti-aging cream, maintaining skin's currently youthful firmness.
Amply applied, about 4 applications, and the hands of time are reversed ten years — but the skin takes on an inhuman luminous glow as strong as a candle. This glow lasts two days, abating slowly over the hours. However, regular weekly application can maintain this new youthful state.
The jar comes with 10 applications, about 8 ounces (one cup). Refilling the jar requires a pearl and enough blood of an infant mammal drawn during full moon to fill the jar (seal then set next to a fire for eight hours). A skipped weekly application reverts the skin to its age appropriate firmness.
Scrivener's Marionette - This plain looking wooden marionette is equipped with a crystal quill in its ball-shaped hand and a pair of oversized glasses. If its operator is a skillful enough puppeteer to use it to write something, they will discover that their writing talent is increased to equal their puppetry skills. Thus, a master puppeteer with sufficient patience could write masterpieces.
Bikini of Chain-Mail: A chain-mail bikini that provides the same level of protection as ordinary chainmail, while weighing considerably less.
Quick Peeler of Unlikely Flaying - Although you could use this potato peeler the conventional way, you can also tap any peelable fruit, vegetable, or boiled egg with it three times to instantly peel it. It does not normally have any effect on creatures, but there is a 1% chance that it will - the result is appalling and eventually lethal.
Eye-patch of Reversed Bias - This eyepatch is stitched with the image of a toothy fox's face. As long as you are wearing it, all your strong personal biases are reversed if logically possible, or neutralized if not. Curiously, this goofy accessory does not seem to interfere with people's first impressions of you.
(Curse that prevents the eye-patch's removal is optional)
Girdle of Crusading Opinions - As long as you are wearing this cursed girdle, you will take grave offense at any comment about your political or social values that is anything less than total acceptance. There is a 5% chance that you will actually lose control and physically attack the speaker for being so evil as to question the obvious truth of your world view. There is a 5% chance that you will break down in tears and flee, traumatized by the reality that dissenting opinions exist.
Disco Boots of the Northern Lords: Cursed boots that will make you skilled at the most fashionable of popular dances; for about three years, after which no one will be able to stand you.
Dancing Gloves - A fine pair of white opera gloves. The right command word will cause them to animate and dance elegantly with each other for thirty seconds, like two tiny ballroom stars. If anyone is wearing them at the time, she will have to use her strength to resist being dragged along for the performance (and possibly suffering broken fingers from some of the more elaborate twisting dance steps).
Soup Tortoise - This brass construct is the size and shape of a real tortoise, but much more stylized. It wanders around looking for hungry people, then opens a lid in its shell to offer magically generated tortoise soup from its conveniently bowl-shaped inner cavity. It can generate about six bowls of soup a day.
Color Bomb: a small black ball with little flecks of various colors (blue,green, red, yellow, purple, orange). When you activate it, it will randomly destroy everything in the immediate area of one randomly-rolled color.
Claymore of Sundering A legendary magical sword, tremendous in battle, and bane of the highland clans. Bane, for though its wielder is ferocious in battle with +1 to-hit, and granted an additional attack per round, loses lasting friendships and critically shatters coalitions. Those emotionally close to the wielder re-roll reactions rolls at Disadvantage each time upon reacquaintance.