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Spike's World: Ethnic Overview

Started by Spike, August 15, 2012, 04:42:09 AM

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Spike

This is a vaguely 'play document' for people to get a quick grasp on the world of Haven and its people.  There has been some minor drift due to bad memory and an unwillingness to research my own works, and some deliberate, minor modifications.  I may expand the early entrees to include more cultural notes, rather than limiting myself to (mostly) physical descriptions and reputations, but it was already 8 pages in word... too much almost.


Major Ethnic Groups of Haven:
Humans:
Tiborian: Extinct. The First Men, tall and powerfully built, grayish skin with dark hair and eyes.

Iremi: Extinct: Golden Skin, fine hair and a tendency towards baldness. Almond shaped eyes of blue or green (mostly).

Sea Folk, Antiquity: Extinct: A second age human race named for their predominance in the middle Sea area.  Major cities of the age include Gompileste.  Short and bandy legged, brown and noted for incredible hairstyles. The Sea Folk were said to be easy with a smile and jest, and skilled with art.

Avanti: Minority Group (single nation). Black skins, thick straight or wavy hair either black or grey/white. White/pale eyes. Considered graceful in body and with noble facial structures.  Believed to be a splinter group from Tiborian.

Bear Men: Savage tribesmen from tundrid plateau. Short and stocky, barrel chested and bow legged, with coarse thick hair in shades of brown, notably hairy and rough featured, with white, almost waxy, skin  and small dark eyes.  (note that the 'bear men' is an outsider term based on the most accessable tribe. Each tribe worships a different totemic animal).

Heshite:  Dark golden skin, thick heavy hair in either black or golden blonde with golden eyes. Said to carry the blood of a pre-human lost race known as the Solari, chosen of the Sun.  Heshites are short and slender. They frequently shave their heads but the men are meticulous about grooming any facial hair. Heshites keep and breed slaves extensively.

Hygleac: Said to be the inheritors of the Sea Peoples (from the age of Irem in the 'Second Age of Man') and found predominantly on the Hygleac peninsula and around the middle sea on both continents. Several sub groups (Keks, Neshi and others) exist and many are mixed with Tenebreans on both continents.  Nut brown skin and dark hair that is notably curly, with large dark eyes.  Notable for 'sensual' lips.  The Hygleac peninsula has a strong orcish presence, and they tend to be respected.

Kra: An offshoot of the Tenebrians, with some Sea Folk and Savannah People admixture. The Kra are tall and powerfully built people, with dark skins (edging to a more grayish-brown color) and large 'Sea Eyes', frequently dark colored, though light grey are not unknown. The Kra are notable as the only Human ethnic group that may have small tusks. This is a very rare and (to the Kra) attractive trait. The Kra are reknown for their militancy and siege-craft (they've been fighting a war against the Spada for some six hundred years, after all...).  While their culture venerates horses, their homelands are rough and mountainous, so the Kra tend to be notoriously poor riders.

Marsh Folk: Minority Group: Natives of the Salt Marsh of the Northern Continent. They are small and fey, very heavily mixed with elves and more exotic creatures. Often sallow skinned, with a light green shade appearing in some cases.  Hair tends to be the same as skin in all cases and eyes are catlike.  Marsh Folk have a distinct odor of, well, marshiness, and have no facial or body hair.

Maxcai: Minority Group: Relatives of the Savannah Peoples, with high incidence of cross breeding with Elves and Orcs.  Maxcai are notable for their height and thinness (due to a nomadic hunter-gatherer existence more than genetics in the latter case). Like all Savannah Peoples, Maxcai tend to have light golden or coppery skin, bright copper eyes and thin straight hair in golden-reddish or black. However, all adult Maxcai paint, dye or even tattoo all skin (and hair) a bloody red. Their shamen (Clerics and sorcerers) are notable for mortification of the flesh by flensing during powerful rituals and religious ceremonies, and for heavy use of hallucinogenic compounds daily.  (Maxcai shamen resist all illusions at 30% due to their extensive familiarity with unreality? May be a prestige class feature.)

Melitorans/Northroners: Two closely related groups (geographically and ethnically), predominant in the northern and western part of the northern continent. Occasionally referred to as Nornsan, after the old Nornsan Empire.  Melitorans are pale and ruddy people of middling height with a broad range of hair and eye colors (blonde to black, blue to black). Hair tends to be straight or wavy.  Tend towards soft facial features. Northruners tend to be slightly taller and paler, with lighter colored hair, believed to be mixed with old Iremi blood and a marked tendency towards elvish traits.  Northruners are notable for the high instance of red hair and slightly sharper features then then Melitorans.  While Northroners tend to mistrust Orcs due to historical conflicts, they tend to deal fairly with all strangers as a matter of pride. Slavery is almost unheard of in these regions.

Migla: Minority Group: A distant relative of the Sea Folk, long conquered by the Tenebrians, they have managed to (mostly) preserve their ethnic identity. Migla tend to be lighter in color than Tenebrians or Sea People, even so far as resembling the (unrelated) Southroners in general coloration. The migla have a high incidence of wooly hair, though looser curly hair is also common.  Migla are notably superstitious and have a tendency, culturally, to adopt odd traditions and never let go of them. For example, one Miglan city has a three century tradition of calling itself a province of the somewhat distant Kra kingdom, including exchanging gifts with the Kra kings every few years. This is in spite of the fact that there has not been a native born Kra in the city for all that time (and the fact that, technically, the Kra LOST that war).

Reve: Short and heavy boned, said to be a surviving 'Second Age' race, and origins of the term 'Reavers' for pirates and slavers. Reavers tend to be sallow skinned with straight dark hair noted for its oilyness, their rugged nobility of features. Shaved heads and intricate tattoos are both common, as are tightly braided chin-beards, at least among Reavers.  Reve males tend to start balding by age 30 or so, at least on top. Landers (non-Reaver Reve) grow their hair long, as if in defiance of the loss, though Landers are virtually unknown to outsiders.

Savannah Peoples: Denizens of the Pepper Savannahs south of Hesh, an extensive geographic domain. Also includes neighboring regions across the Eastern Erd. Distantly related to the Heshites.  Short to middling height, noted for coppery and golden colorations; light golden or coppery skin, bright copper eyes and thin straight hair in golden-reddish or black. High incidence of cross pollination with orcs, and with Elves in the western edges. Eastern subgroups tend to have Tenebrian influences.  Culturally noted for sparse clothing, with decorations of skins, feathers and uncut gemstones. Also noted for general callousness or cruelty of their cultures, while individuals are more noted for blunt honesty and pragmatic attitudes.

Sea Folk, modern: Closely related to the Southroners, the Hygleac and the Tenebrians. Darker, straighter hair and flatter, softer features distinguish them as a peoples.  Very few 'pure' Sea Folk groups remain, mostly on the Northern Continent. Most of the so-called Tenebrian Kingdoms were former Sea Folk lands and the natives are entirely mixed Tenebrian and Sea Folk (Being taller and heavier boned than their Sea Folk kin).  Having small or squinty eyes are known as 'Sea Eyes', after this ethnic group, even when found among Hygleacs, Southroners and Savannah People. Notably, however, the epicanthic folds that they are noted for only appear in sea-fold/tenebrian hybrids. Pure Sea Folk do not display this trait, nor do pure tenebrians.

Southroners: Also known as Nornsan (resulting in confusion). One of the major ethnic groups, they predominantly in the south west quadrant of the northern continent, through the islands of the western oceans and with colonies in the swamplands of the Southern Continent.  A short, slender and swarthy people, with brownish hair that is somewhat curly, they are obviously related to the Sea Folk of the second age.  Southroners are deeply suspicious of Orcs and Gobliniods, nearly universally so and many Southron nations practice limited slavery of orcs and half-orcs.

Spada: Minority Race: Spada, as an ethnic group, tend to be grayish colored, with slate colored hair and flinty eyes, and are short and muscular. They are thought to be a Second Age race decended from Earth Elemental lovers of the Goddess of Beauty, with craggy, solid features.  Most Spada, and the ones people tend to think of are natives of the city of the same name and are noted for the extreme... sameness of their appearances, with men and women appearing indistinguishable to the casual eye. Spada favor loose tunics belted at the waist, and in the winter months will wrap their legs with goat hide leggings.  They tend to favor spear and shield, and are noted as herdsmen (goat and sheep).

Tenebrians: Major Race:  Aside from ancient, tiny enclaves of Sea Folk, and the Neshi of the Desert, almost all humans on the Southern continent are Tenebrians, a somewhat varied admixture of the horse nomads (mostly half-orcs) from the Sea of Grass, the Sea Folk of Antiquity, and Reve, plus half a dozen minor ethnic groups that were long ago absorbed.  Pure Blooded Tenebrians might be considered 'Half-Orcs', the influence of that race is so strong, but the vast majority of Tenebrians are more human than orc (Old Noble families of Tenebria are pure breeding half-orcs, to include the Empress and Imperial Family), though Tenebrian half orcs lack tusks (making its reappearance among the Kra a genetic curiosity).  Tenebrians tend to be tall and powerfully built, with very dark skins and coarse straight hair. Wooly hair is not unknown, but is uncommon, while more common curly hair is unheard of among Tenebrians.

Zymb: Believed Extinct: Once common on the southern continent, they were an early conquest of the Tenebrian Horde. Little is known of them but for a handful of their gods, traces of their language, and that they had wooly hair.  Several Tenebrian Gods are said to favor people with that trait, and it is most common in former Zymb territories (along the eastern coastline).

Elves:
Siti: Considered the 'main' tribe of Elves, and found in the Hydenimoi Forest and surrounding lands. The Siti are considered the most beautiful of all Elves, and the most hidebound... and the wildest. They tend to be extremely pale, preferring the dark of night, and their eyes are frequently described as starry.  Siti that leave the shade of the forest often tan to a light golden color, but their hair remains white or silvery predominantly.  Compared to other elves their features tend to be described as cold and cruel, regardless of the actual personality.  The entire tribe is in an extended period of mourning (three centuries and counting...) for the loss of their Queen, and they tend to be violently xenophobic within the forest, and distant when without.

Danu: the darkest Elves, found in the South. Once the most advanced and enlightened tribe they were nearly wiped out by the Goblins in the first Goblin War, millennia ago.  Their decendents may be found as nomadic tribesmen in the Sea of Grass (may import the Mugatu here if desired). The Danu were peace loving and deeply in touch with the living world, and ancient artifacts of their people appear to have been grown from shell, living wood or even 'sung from the stone', and it is impossible to find evidence of 'tools to make things' from that era.  Modern elves dream of the glories of ancient Danu as the height of elvish civilization, and most of their legends and song speak of the Danu and their ancient migration from the Siti.

Dealyreath: The smallest tribe (less than 50 survive), the oldest splinter tribe. Metaphorically, they are the tribe of Cain (as in Cain and Abel), and each surviving member is a unique and ancient monster. Upon death their souls are forfeit to their mad and sundered God, Dealyreath Darsyltier himself, betrayed and consumed by his followers at the very moment of his dark apotheosis.   Darsyltier, in life, was responsible for unleashing the dark Horseman, Plague, upon the Dwarves of old, sending them underground, and for the death of the first (and only) Sun King of the Siti elves. His Followers have, among other things, slain the First Men of Tibor (or rather all the women and children of Tibor) during the Night of Blood, and before that cursing the Goblin races with their unspeakable hunger and madness... though only the Goblins remember that one.  Lesser atrocities, frequently involving demons, are well documented. Dealyreath resemble Siti elves, only warped and twisted by demonic pacts and unrestrained use of chaos magic over thousands of years.  With the "recent" death of the Fairy Queen of the Siti they may be the last people (aside from the Gods and perhaps a few ancient (and comparatively beastial and stupid) Dragons) to remember the Fall of the Titans.

Illya: Sun bronzed and golden haired, the Elves of the City of Seven Spires are the most human of all the Elven tribes, and the most well known.   They have their famous city (or rather the ruins of their famous city and the slightly lesser city they built to replace it nearby...), their architecture informed the cities of Nornsa at its height (and the lesser kingdoms of today), their arts and their warriors may have helped Versilimatu found the first and arguably greatest human empire of the modern age (Nornsa for those keeping track).

Tuatha: The later inheritors of the Danu, who rebuilt the lost city. They were pale but dark of hair and eye, and were the most militant of the Elves.  Their world was shattered and their armies lost with the Fall of Irem, and their descendants may be found across the Sea of Grass as the so-called Fortress Elves. It was Tuathan refugees who fought the Tenebrian Horde without sleep for months, each warrior-savant a match for an entire regiment of Tenebrian soldiers (or so the stories say...).  Tuathan war arts are legendary, but largely lost to antiquity, but many combat spells are said to be the work of the old warrior-savants.  Fighting with cloak and long curved swords is still called the Tuathan Style, though the Avanti are the modern inheritors with their dancelike combat styles (no cloaks, but short handled polearms with long blades in great sweeping moves...). Elves tend to view people with dark (especially black) hair as aggressive looking, regardless of race because of this.

Dwarves:

While Dwarves consider each separate clan-hold to be a distinct ethnic grouping, there are only two main branches of dwarven-kind, northern and southern, named after the continents they are found on. Primary differences are cultural (Southern dwarves tend to be more mercenary and conniving, but also more creative and flexible... though they have a nasty reputation for how they treat (dwarven) women. Northern Dwarves are more honorable and merchantile, but also hopelessly traditionalist and hidebound.). There are some physical differences, but you'd have to be a dwarf to notice.  It comes down to comparative nose lengths, thumb thickness and so forth.
Notably: All dwarves are born pale white and darken slightly as they age (and more from sun and exposure to heat and metal... this is not 'tanning' as humans understand it, as they never lose their color after they've gained it). An old blacksmith will have skin that is pitch black.  There is marked tendancy among Dwarves to respect darker skins, which has been weakened by their return to the surface world as merchants (unearned darkening), but not entirely.  It is still viewed as a sign of wisdom.

Half Orcs and Orcs:
Hru: Occupants of the deep southern region known as the Wastelands, these orcs appear to outsiders to be typical savages, living in tiny mud yurts in a toxic muddy wasteland occupied by horrific beasts.  Unbeknownst to outsiders, however, they are highly organized and have an actual city (partially excavated from the deep toxic mud from a lost orc city from the Silver Age) and have limited agriculture and husbandry in brick walled areas around the wastes.  Physically the Hru are the 'purest' strain of orcs, with almost no incidents of half-breed contamination of any sort... as their nearest neighbors are the Jubjub Halflings and the dwarves they trade with in the mountains.  Hru maintain the ancient grudges against elves but reserve their true ire for all goblinoids (who were responsible for destroying their city in the first Goblin War).  They maintain a deep disdain for ogre kind and may enslave them to work the fields or care for the Aurochs they breed, but the Ogres (unlike the Orcs) tend to sicken and die in the toxic wastes.  Hru appear to be typically orcish, with burly muscular builds, hunched bullish shoulders and prominent jaws with large, gnarled tusks (which grow throughout their lives, breaking frequently), though they tend to be more brown then grey, with a sickly look about them. They are the only tribe of orcs to have green eyes (a toxic noxious green, almost luminous) instead of the black or red eyes most common.

Teneb:  The tribes of the Sea of Grass and other environs of the southern Continent, now largely replaced by their half-orc children (the original Tenebrian Horde).  The Teneb are remarkable for their exceptionally social nature, their proud stature and, of course, their taming of the carnivorous 'horses' once found on the Sea of Grass, and now almost entirely restricted to one herd belonging to the Empress (from which she provides mounts for The Thousand).  They also lack Darkvision.  (Teneb orcs lack(lower?) the charisma penalty and only have low-light vision. Tenebrian half orcs have no charisma penalty and lowlight vision)

Hygleac Orcs:  Common in Paravail as the Bronze Caste (soldiers), with more half orcs than full bloods, there are still tribes of pure blood orcs on the peninsula.  They are less aggressive than many tribes, being welcome to trade with their neighbors.  Hygleac Orcs have predominantly black eyes and heavy, oily black hair, though half-orcs may have curly hair from their human parents.  Hygleac orcs have 'fixed' tusks that do not grow once they are fully adult, and are also notable for having flatter noses and prominent cheekbones.  Hygleac orcs seem to have a cultural fondness for perfumes.
Melitoran Orcs: Found in the south as slaves or in the north as 'savage tribes' the melitoran orcs have suffered a bad reputation, and subsequent misfortune, since they provided the bulk of the Warlord's Army three centuries earlier. They have the largest eyes of the orc tribes, with red being the most common color, and their general color has been described as 'woodsy'. They have very little head hair, but are otherwise hirsute as any orc.  Most half-orcs on the Northern Continent are melitoran.  Full halves tend to be treated as full blooded orcs, but ¼ blood orcs (mechanically half orcs) are treated as human, if unloved and 1/8th blood orcs (mechanically human) are legally human in almost all dominions where it matters (the city of Renbluve, for example, holds that ¼ orcs are second class persons (no citizenship), but are free, while 1/8th orcs are entitled to citizenship and other associated 'human only' privileges, though they are still scorned. Half orcs may or may not be slaves, depending on the circumstances of their birth, and free halves are treated the same as ¼ bloods.  Melitoran Orc tribes welcome goblinoids and ogres as kindred spirits, and have a truly deep seated hatred of the elves for the dimly remembered destruction of the first orc city during the Golden Age... somewhere up north... maybe.  

Savannah orcs: Almost purely half-orc.  They act and look similar to their human neighbors (coppery colored,etc), only with orcish traits.  Some even are considered Maxcai tribes, and there are many racially blended tribes (notably: on the savannah they do not culturally consider differences between human, elf and orc to be more significant that tribe or city affiliation).

Tundra Orcs:  Culturally similar to the Bear Men (animal totems, etc), they are rare but extremely dangerous.  Tundra Orcs tend to favor predatory totems, and are as aggressive as the human tribes with those totems (very). Their greater tolerance for the harsh environment means they thrive compared to their human neighbors. They have the smallest tusks, but have great bushy beards. They also preserve ancient lore and traditions that make them vicious demon hunters, though no one knows why, as no demons have been seen on the Tudrid Plateau... ever.  They do remember the First City, and the treachery of the Elves who murdered their general/king the night before he was to meet them to discuss peace between their races.  They particularly enjoy defenestrating elves they find in their homeland by tossing them off the cliffs at the end of the world.  Tundra Orcs are found most predominantly in the very center of the plateau, and are slightly less nomadic than the human tribes.  They do not allow half breeds to live among them, however. Half tundra-orcs may be found among the human tribes where they were born.

Halflings:

All Halflings are native to the southern continent, though many have migrated to human cities (and only cities) in the north. They are not welcome in Tenebria, where they are viewed as monsters and evil spirits.  There are only a few notable ethnic groups.

Jubjub: named for the great, solitary trees they live in, the Jubjub are strangely 'half feral'.  They paint their skins with white pigments made from the peeling bark of the Jubjub, wearing nothing else but for small belts or bags to carry their belongings. Jubjub Halflings have toxic flesh and are cannibals (though very polite cannibals. They hardly ever murder someone just to eat... they'll happily wait until you die of exposure on the grasslands, or the toxic fruit of the Jubjub tree), but they are also great scholars and craftsmen.  They have a unique script (undeciphered by scholars as of yet) that they use to write on sheets of prepared bark, excellent memories and lore going back to the Titanic Age, apparently.  What they lack is any organized effort to acquire raw materials for their crafting.  The occupants of a single tree (rarely more than two dozen) are a complete tribe, and youths will travel dozens of miles to find new trees and mates.  They trade freely with the nomads of the plains, but steal from anyone and everyone else, and are especially despised by dwarven merchant caravans.  They do favor toxic blowdarts and similar weapons.

Nesha:  Occupants of the 'dragon desert', they live in and under the sandy wastes.  They have a good relationship with savage lizard tribes to their west, but an unfriendly one with their fellow Halflings to the east (The Jubjub).  They come and go freely from the Snake City and have adopted the human language and many elements of its culture, as their own.  Every Halfling adult male stakes out a patch of desert as his own, as large as he thinks he can hold against his kin, and riddles it with loose tunnels and pockets so he can move about without burning in the sun.  Territory fights are rarely lethal, and particularly successful Halflings will form bands around them, claiming huge territory and 'leasing' it to weaker Halflings. Female Halflings select mates based on territory and have secret rites amongst themselves they use to determine primacy of mating rights.  The highest honor in their society is to reveal their faces, and even husbands may not see their wive's faces for the first few years of marriage.  Halfling marriages are polygamist in nature, with weaker males serving as concubines to strong females, and strong females claiming harems of weaker females.  Loss of territory often means losing mates as well, with children remaining with their mothers and adolescents remaining with their fathers.  A major rite of passage among the Nesha Halflings is their first Sun, marking the end of childhood.
The Nesha Halflings are murderous to strangers on 'their sands', though knowledgable travelers will know the way to gain passage rights or even trade.  Nesha Halfings absolutely hate goblins, but prefer to lead goblins to the western swamps where they will become food for the lizardfolk there. The Nesha are not terribly fond of elves either.

Urbane: generations of Halflings raised in human cities tend to adopt the behavior of the locals, and oddly enough, elements of their appearance.  Halflings living in Kra will grow marginally taller, darker, while a Melitoran Halfling will become pale and soft featured over generations. Urban Halflings do have a nasty reputation for thievery, though this is likely due to their difficulty finding legitimate employment on account of their small size.

Lizardfolk:
Heshite: The sands and rocky wastes of Hesh are home to a hot and dry breed of lizard men, hulking in size, with short blunt snouts full of sharp teeth, and short muscular tails.  The human Heshites frequently hire them as mercenaries, providing them with metal weapons and armor (or armor enchantments tattooed into their scaly hides).  They do not have much need for possessions aside from weapons, and are deeply social (if not particularly gregarious) nomads.

Swamp Lizards: there are three major groups of swamp lizards (southern swamps, western swamps and the Avante marsh colony). They are all long and lean in body, darker colored than the desert lizards, with beaklike snouts. They once had a powerful civilization, and great stone cyclopean temples may still be found in their native lands. They tend to sleep under piles of mulching vegetation and are generally stone age primatives (with the Avante Marsh colony being marginally better on account of their frequent trade with their human sponsors.).  They don't understand the racial differences of most soft-skin races, but find goblins delicious.

Mu: Related to the swamp lizards, distantly, they worship dragons as gods and have retained quite a bit of their old civilization (though perverted over the eons). They wear silk robes and golden jewelry and pursue arcane sciences, but are unknown outside their island home (which the guard for just that reason. The Reve are their closest neighbors, and have a superstitious dread of the place).  They do have a mutation, a 'Mule' gender, which is a grotesquely overgrown and powerful lizard man, though sterile. Mules are selected to lead their society for a few years at a time before being ritually sacrificed to their 'gods' as a nice snack.




Note that this is vaguely intended for use with D&D (3.5), but is also written to be wide open for fantasy settings... notably, most of what is in this document has been used for a Runequest Campaign.  It is not exclusive.

While I've marginalized Gnomes (just, for example), in a D&D game I could easily allow gnomes as playable characters.  On the other hand, I think I'd have to nix the Forgotten Realms 'eight flavors of Dwarf' as inherently problematic (unless you can convince me otherwise), but that is a personal issue. One could assign grey and high and sylvan elves to various tribes one supposes, but I'm a lazy bitch.

Likewise, I could include details like favored weapons, foods and fashions, but there are MUCH more detailed overviews for almost all of these for the interested where I did that.


Mugatu Bonus: If the Mugatu are in place in Haven (for D&D), then they occupy a large chunk of the Sea of Grass just south of the Tenebrian Empire, having moved in after the Tenebrian Horde moved north, and are decendents of the Danu Elves. This makes a minor alteration of the geographic placement of the Mugatu (though it does name a region of the Sea of Grass, which I am increasingly certain I need...).  They may not be the ONLY decendants of the Danu, even in the region, but they probably represent the majority.

Bonus D&Dism: Drow, obviously, do not exist here, though they would make a good baseline for a Dealyreath NPC. There is room for some underdark races, which the Goblins technically qualify for (here anyway...).  Aquatic elves are more likely than Drow, however. Not that I have drow hate (Dr'zzt hate is another topic entirely), I rather like them personally (though poorly designed mechanically as playable races go...).  The Spada could, in theory, be earth Genasai. Variations on stock races are within the realm of possibility (as the tenebrian orcs demonstrate), yadda yadda.
For you the day you found a minor error in a Post by Spike and forced him to admit it, it was the greatest day of your internet life.  For me it was... Tuesday.

For the curious: Apparently, in person, I sound exactly like the Youtube Character The Nostalgia Critic.   I have no words.

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Spike

Bah, this was supposed to be in the Design forum.  Not that I personally care, but I mislike posting where I thought I wasn't.
For you the day you found a minor error in a Post by Spike and forced him to admit it, it was the greatest day of your internet life.  For me it was... Tuesday.

For the curious: Apparently, in person, I sound exactly like the Youtube Character The Nostalgia Critic.   I have no words.

[URL=https: