Not reading the Player's Handbook or the equivalent.

I have lost count of the number of players who just assumed it was the DM's job to know the rules and remind to them that their Paladin could use "Lay on Hands" ("Lay on what? What is it?") before the Ranger croaked.

I know some of my players have read at least the monster section of the rulebook for our current campaign, I heard them discussing the abilities of various monsters at the table. I am going to run teh game on the presumption that they have therefor read the rest of the rulebook. Especially since I have repeatedly informed them of where they can get the rulebook for free online.  I have even given them cheat sheets with their characters' special abilities all spelled out.

Not knowing the rules after the first session or so is just not excusable.  "How do I roll to hit again?" "What do I need to hit AC 5?"  actual quotes from the table. And the character sheets have printed at the bottom a table of to hit scores required for each AC.

I've been slowly convinced that illusionism is the devil.  Railroading, characters with immunity, and other such things that I generally avoid, but I can see that they have times and places where they make sense, given the tastes of a given group.  I don't fudge, but I can make a case for some groups.  I've yet to see a single case for illusionism that couldn't be easily handled some other way.

On the player side, cheating is at the top of the list.  It's a game about make believe, which means any cheating is a sign of some kind of personal problem in the player.  There is not even the excuse of avoiding some serious, real outcome.

Edition Warriors

If it's one thing I despise in the hobby it's edition warring. I don't care how many years of experience one has playing the hobby. I don't care if you were going into petrified forest blowing up trees and carving the remains into dice. I can respect not liking a particular edition of a rpg. Going into a rant at the mention of the rpg, no just seeing the logo of the company who produces it sending someone into a frothing unwanted rant about the rpg. Just has me handing you the business card of a reputable mental healthcare professional with me walking away.

Children in the bodies of Adults

I expect a certain level of maturity at my table. If one is unwilling to do so I will show you the door. If one tries to rage quit by flipping the table chances are my players and I will throw it right back at you (which did happen once). I don't have the time nor patience to deal with children in the bodies of adults no matter the gender. Act your age or Fuck Off and go see a mental health care professional.

Gamers unwilling to commit

Even when told in advance that while we don't play every week. We as a group want to play on a regular basis. While my group and myself no longer have the free time to play every week or the energy to play 12 hour sessions. Coupled with having families and responsabilites. It's just not as easy as it was to schedule regular games. FYI if your going to lie about showing up to a session by claiming to be sick. Don't add the group to your Facebook account as claiming to be sick in bed. Then posting on FB the exact opposite thing makes you look bad to the group. A lack of respect to the group as well as probably not going to be asked to show to the next game. That being said when children and a spouse enter the picture. Sometimes last minute cancellations happen. Sorry but if I had children and my child was sick he gets top priority over a rpg.

Railroading

I dislike using it and keep it to a minimum as a DM but sometimes occasionally needed at the table.

Cell Phones, Tablets Etc

Like it or not everything is connected. I keep my phone open for emergencies. Or to look up a rule on the SRD. I will put my phone to the side. Even put the screen facing down. Fuck no I'm not giving it to the DM.

Not reading the rules

While I don't expect either a player or DM to know all the rules. Not to mention I'm not being paid to do so and doing it on my free time. I do expect everyone to know the basics. As well to know what their character can do in terms of bonuses. Flipping through the core book to see what the Bless spell can do after having used it over and over again. Not knowing the bonuses to strike of the character means one loses their turn.

I can't be bothered to make a character given a premade one than complain about it types.

Fine don't want to make a character than your getting a pre-made character. Don't like him too bad next time make a character. I'm not going to waste valuable game time to do so.

Personal Hygiene and Food

I'm no expecting clean shaven with a new haircut for a job look. I do want my players not to smell worse than roadkill. While having made at least a token effort on their appearence. As well get some sleep before showing up. I used to game with two players who play MMOS until the early hours of the morning. Barely get any sleep then pass out at the game. If you can't be bothered to show up well rested don't show up at all. Everyone at one time or another has to pitch in to buy food. Out of a job and out of luck finding one no problem. Don't claim to be broke and not able to put money in for food. Then show with a new rpg sorucebook at every game. Makes one look like a cheap bastard and will at most be given one slice of pizza.

Quote from: Reckall;989957Not reading the Player's Handbook or the equivalent.

I have lost count of the number of players who just assumed it was the DM's job to know the rules and remind to them that their Paladin could use "Lay on Hands" ("Lay on what? What is it?") before the Ranger croaked.

Well, it is the ref's job to know the rules and the player's job to describe what he's doing. I've played many games where the players haven't read any of the rules and just tell me their actions and roll the dice.

Quote from: Dumarest;990084Well, it is the ref's job to know the rules and the player's job to describe what he's doing. I've played many games where the players haven't read any of the rules and just tell me their actions and roll the dice.

+1 to this.

Quote from: Dumarest;990084Well, it is the ref's job to know the rules and the player's job to describe what he's doing. I've played many games where the players haven't read any of the rules and just tell me their actions and roll the dice.

Depends on where the info is located. If you've got an attack matrix on your screen, fine. But if the modifiers are all on the player's sheet, I expect him to not need me to tell him to finally fucking write down "+5 attack/1d8+3 damage" in the little box where he's supposed to put it.

Quote from: fearsomepirate;990090Depends on where the info is located. If you've got an attack matrix on your screen, fine. But if the modifiers are all on the player's sheet, I expect him to not need me to tell him to finally fucking write down "+5 attack/1d8+3 damage" in the little box where he's supposed to put it.

This, a thousand times. I'm fucking amazed how many players need to be told every fucking session that yes, right there, in that little box is your base attack bonus, and yet, 10 minutes later when they make an attack don't know what to add to the dice roll, and can't ever fucking learn that it's all there on your fucking character sheet. Grown adults incapable of basic 1st grade level math. Longsword @+5 for d8+2 DMG shouldn't be a cryptic equation for people.

Being an asshole.

99 44/100% of all RPG problems could be cured by "don't be an asshole."

Quote from: fearsomepirate;990090Depends on where the info is located. If you've got an attack matrix on your screen, fine. But if the modifiers are all on the player's sheet, I expect him to not need me to tell him to finally fucking write down "+5 attack/1d8+3 damage" in the little box where he's supposed to put it.

Then he doesn't get his +5 or whatever. Sooner or later he'll write it down.

Quote from: Dumarest;990102Then he doesn't get his +5 or whatever. Sooner or later he'll write it down.

It doesn't help when the damn character sheet looks like it was written in Linear A after being transliterated from German to Mayan.  There is such a thing as "more information than can be comfortably assimilated."

Quote from: Gronan of Simmerya;990107It doesn't help when the damn character sheet looks like it was written in Linear A after being transliterated from German to Mayan.  There is such a thing as "more information than can be comfortably assimilated."

Well, yeah, that's why I personally prefer a game where I can fit everything I need to know about my character on a 3x5 card.

At worst, I'll accept a Call of Cthulhu-style character sheet because even though there's a lot of information, it all fits on side of a piece of paper and all the necessary formulae and what not are right there where they need to be.

Not that I want to go back to it, but there is something to be said for a hand-written character sheet on a piece of notebook paper.  It's hard to miss where the important boxes and labels are when you had to write them yourself while rolling up the character.

Quote from: Voros;989872When I was in my late teens and early twenties some of the things that drove me away from RPGs were powergamers and creeps who used the game to act out their barely repressed sadism and sexual misery.

Totally with you on this.

Quote from: Voros;989872When I was in my late teens and early twenties some of the things that drove me away from RPGs were powergamers and creeps who used the game to act out their barely repressed sadism and sexual misery.

Quote from: Gronan of Simmerya;990100Being an asshole.

99 44/100% of all RPG problems could be cured by "don't be an asshole."

You win the thread.