Great Grin Mask - This animal-bone mask has no eyeholes and is decorated with a disturbing toothy grin. If you wear it overnight it will straighten and whiten your teeth into a perfect smile, but it will also curse you with a tendency to smile wickedly at inappropriate moments.

Recorded Conversation in a Jeweled Clockwork Bird - This slightly scorched brass clockwork bird is studded with round emeralds. Every three minutes its little beak starts moving and it repeats the following conversation exactly, imitating the voices of two women -

A: What are you doing over there? I told you, I've tried everything.
B: I'm trying some of the keys I picked up earlier.
A: [panicked] Keys!? What keys!? Gimme those.
B: Let go, I've nearly got it!
A: No, not the ogre's key you imbec-- [interrupted by loud explosion]

the Little Magic Hat:  a small conical 'wizard'-type hat, which would just fit on a standard adult human head but look fairly ridiculous.  It is magically enchanted to detect as magical and to defy any other attempts at identification.  It's a gag item, meant to drive wizards nuts thinking it must do something awesome.

Hover Home - This cottage is always levitating six inches off whatever ground is beneath it and will try to gently stabilize whenever it is passing over difficult terrain so as not to tumble its contents. Falls cannot destroy it or its contents. It is easily pushed however, and even a stiff breeze can send it skimming across the landscape unless it has been properly anchored.

Cloak of Obnoxious Ricochets - When any natural water lands on this waxy hood and cloak, it is forcefully repelled in a random direction for up to five feet. Stay well clear of the wearer during rainstorms.

Tome of Infinite Theologies - Every seven days this book transforms into a random new one, replacing all of its contents, but it only ever becomes religious, agnostic, or atheistic texts. It can become any such text ever written anywhere in the multiverse, and can be read and understood by any creature literate in any language. Nothing can stop or control the transformation.

Dagger Flute - It's a fucking dagger and a flute at the same time. It isn't even magical, goddammit.

Decadent Cigar - In addition to being a very fine cigar, if you use its smoke trail to trace a tall rectangle in the air it will conjure a very comfortable throne. If you use the smoke to trace a small circle it will conjure a glass of the fine liquor of your choice. If you use it to trace three connected triangles it will conjure a cosy fire that cannot actually ignite anything. All of these things (except the liquor in your system of course) vanish without a trace after an hour and a half. The cigar itself leaves no ash or smell and evaporates completely when finished.

Compelling Knitting Needles

Beautiful bone knitting needle set wrapped in valuable owlbear leather. Inspires confidence upon observers to try knitting projects with them, regardless of their knitting skill. Needles provide no bonus to knitting skill however. +3 v. owlbears.

Deafening Nutcracker - This nutcracker is sculpted to look like an adorable dwarf with bushy black eyebrows and beard. When it is used to crack nuts the sound it produces is painfully loud and audible at a much greater distance than you'd expect. Don't give this to any obnoxious kids or leave it lying around a patrolled dungeon.

Tub of Safe Adventures - This old-fashioned wash-tub is a portable round basin made of pale white wood carved with whimsical merfolk motifs. Water poured into it magically warms up to whatever temperature the person in it prefers. It is impossible to drown in the tub, as its water can be breathed as easily as air.

If a child dips their head below the water, or an adult jumps into it bodily, they will find themselves in a water-filled room 120 feet in diameter and full of illusions of fish, glowing coral, playful merfolk and crazy sunken castles. The swimmer can exit the room at any time by swimming up through the overhead circle of light that represents the surface of the tub's water.

If the tub is emptied of water while anyone or any foreign objects are in the extra-dimensional room, those things are unceremoniously spilled out as well.

Excusing Homunculus - This version of a homunculus is generally good at lying but is especially talented at coming up with alibis and excuses for its lazy, irresponsible master. Since it does not need to sleep it can even work overtime planting evidence and setting up exonerating circumstances in anticipation of its master needing an excuse. It even has an adorable face with tragically sincere eyes, perfect for making angry visitor accept what it has to say.

Freleng's Stylus

A short stick of graphite, enscribed with runes, wrapped in a fine silk swatch. It can be used to draw animations on any surface a graphite pencil can ordinarily write on.

The way it works is, whenever a rightward arrow is drawn, it switches to the next frame of the animation, and whenever a leftward arrow is drawn, it switches to the previous frame. When the drawing is left alone for a day, the animation is finished and it begins to loop indefinitely.

The length of the animations it produces is limited only by the patience of the stylus's wielder. As a ballpark estimate, presume that it takes 1 hour to make 1-4 seconds of crude animation, or 3 hours to make 1 second of moderately well-crafted animation, or 6 hours to make 1 second of well-crafted and fairly complex animation.

Codpiece of the Rainbow Salmon

A codpiece with a pattern of salmon over blue. The wearer of this dreadfully accursed item will henceforth reproduce only by spawning, and only after swimming 500 yards upstream in a river prior to the act. Rumored to have been gifted to the new king of a particularly troublesome dynasty.

Phlegothian Jar of Glow

A cosmetic jar with a pearlescent cream inside that radiates its own light. This light is usable to read by, it is as strong as a candle, but the cream removed from the jar does not retain this luminescence. Applied to the face weekly it is an anti-aging cream, maintaining skin's currently youthful firmness.

Amply applied, about 4 applications, and the hands of time are reversed ten years — but the skin takes on an inhuman luminous glow as strong as a candle. This glow lasts two days, abating slowly over the hours. However, regular weekly application can maintain this new youthful state.

The jar comes with 10 applications, about 8 ounces (one cup). Refilling the jar requires a pearl and enough blood of an infant mammal drawn during full moon to fill the jar (seal then set next to a fire for eight hours). A skipped weekly application reverts the skin to its age appropriate firmness.