Quote from: Azraele;1049183I was only 5 in 1991; so no, not really

But I will read that. I've got such a soft spot for vampire fiction <3

I wasn't even born yet in 1991. I was born in 1993, so it's before my time as well.

But early Vampire was awesome until the metaplot fucked it up.

Quote from: Doc Sammy;1049184I wasn't even born yet in 1991. I was born in 1993, so it's before my time as well.

But early Vampire was awesome until the metaplot fucked it up.

Not bad, I didn't realize it was a story about a normal person LARPing, rather than a period story about vampires.

I might advise you to show and not tell when it comes to the writing. You're very much "telling" the story here, it's better to remove the narrator as a translator for the events; it makes your writing more immediate and gripping.

You might work on your opening. Compare you opening line to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: "We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold."

I couldn't stop reading after that line. Good opening lines are great for hooking new readers into the time/effort investment of reading the entire work.

I would also avoid cliches where possible. I counted twice in the writing where you used a common figure of speech rather than just describing what was happening in plain language. Cliches are the enemy of great writing; you want to be as original as possible to both draw your reader into your world and paint a good mental picture for them.

Good luck as you keep writing. I'll be reading!

Quote from: Azraele;1049195Not bad, I didn't realize it was a story about a normal person LARPing, rather than a period story about vampires.

I might advise you to show and not tell when it comes to the writing. You're very much "telling" the story here, it's better to remove the narrator as a translator for the events; it makes your writing more immediate and gripping.

You might work on your opening. Compare you opening line to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: "We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold."

I couldn't stop reading after that line. Good opening lines are great for hooking new readers into the time/effort investment of reading the entire work.

I would also avoid cliches where possible. I counted twice in the writing where you used a common figure of speech rather than just describing what was happening in plain language. Cliches are the enemy of great writing; you want to be as original as possible to both draw your reader into your world and paint a good mental picture for them.

Good luck as you keep writing. I'll be reading!

Thanks for the advice, I will definitely keep those things in mind!

... and now I feel old again.

Quote from: Doc Sammy;1049184I wasn't even born yet in 1991. I was born in 1993, so it's before my time as well.

But early Vampire was awesome until the metaplot fucked it up.

I was a total burnout by 1993... I am an actual Methusaleh.


That awesomesauce part of Vampire without the metaplot. It's all right there! Just ignore all the rest and play ball!

Quote from: Anon Adderlan;1049009So the game you wrote and enjoy playing is outright antithetical to the political values you hold in real life.

I'm the same way. So are most gamers I know.

It's true. I also don't enjoy hiking through the wilderness, crawling through caves, or risking my life either! But in games, bring it on.

Quote from: Opaopajr;1049214... and now I feel old again.

You feel old? I've got tattoos that are almost as old as Doc Sammy.

Quote from: Nerzenjäger;1049132I am not OK with calling the man a racist. A xenophobe? Sure. But what is a racist even? How many people of all creeds were so-called "racists" in his time, by popular definition?

Well he wrote this:

When, long ago, the gods created Earth
In Jove's fair image Man was shaped at birth.
The beasts for lesser parts were next designed;
Yet were they too remote from humankind.
To fill the gap, and join the rest to Man,
Th'Olympian host conceiv'd a clever plan.
A beast they wrought, in semi-human figure,
Filled it with vice, and called the thing a Nigger.

Pretty damn racist and if he were alive now I'd feel pretty bad about giving him money. But he's dead so I don't see how it hurt anyone to enjoy his writing and make use of his ideas.

Lovecraft was a racist. So are most rappers. Whatevs. Welcome to humanity.

Quote from: tenbones;1049217That awesomesauce part of Vampire without the metaplot. It's all right there! Just ignore all the rest and play ball!

Yet another reason I prefer corebooks to game lines.

Quote from: Spinachcat;1049273Lovecraft was a racist. So are most rappers. Whatevs. Welcome to humanity.

That's what I'm saying. The usage is highly dependant on the person's political views, which makes it meaningless. YMMV.


To get back on topic: I liked nWoD. Masquerade fandom was filled with so many weirdos, that I never wanted to be part of it, even though the lore was interesting. There's a lot of good talent involved in V5, so I might buy in.

Quote from: Daztur;1049268Well he wrote this:

*snip*

Pretty damn racist and if he were alive now I'd feel pretty bad about giving him money. But he's dead so I don't see how it hurt anyone to enjoy his writing and make use of his ideas.

It's worth pointing out that he wrote that early on, around 1912 IIRC... and I think his writing shows a degree of softening of such tendencies as time went on. Compare it to the final revelations of the doomed protagonist in In The Walls Of Eryx (1936) and I think some change of attitude can be seen. The ending of The Shadow Over Innsmouth (1931) even shows the main character embracing his mixed heritage.

Not that he ever left ALL his bigotry behind, but people can and do change... I certainly wouldn't want to be held to account for the nonsense I said and wrote as a teenager/young adult.

I was blindsided by the rise of White Wolf and WoD. I basically stopped gaming when I started grad school in the early 90s. I started to get back into it around 96, and I can still remember going into a gaming store for the first time in a while and being confronted by a huge wall of White Wolf stuff.

Quote from: Dimitrios;1049317I was blindsided by the rise of White Wolf and WoD. I basically stopped gaming when I started grad school in the early 90s. I started to get back into it around 96, and I can still remember going into a gaming store for the first time in a while and being confronted by a huge wall of White Wolf stuff.

Yeah, I recall my FLGS having to discount that wall of WW stuff (50%!) for several years to get rid of the glut after WW seemingly vanished.

Quote from: Warboss Squee;1049266You feel old? I've got tattoos that are almost as old as Doc Sammy.

Ha, yes. I have a couple that pre-date Doc by a several years myself.

Quote from: Zalman;1049362Ha, yes. I have a couple that pre-date Doc by a several years myself.

I wasn't looking to be made to feel old today, but after reading up a bit in the thread to find Doc's age... I feel old.  'Cause my tattoo is older than Doc. :|