I play an offline game with a lot of IRL friends, and it is mostly a social gathering.

There are a lot of off-base behaviors, like side-convos, or even going up from the table to go sleep on the couch when you're bored and so forth, or being on your phone for like 2 hours of the game, sometimes for the rest of the night. Normally I ignore this since what do you expect when people are just hanging out? But the last game it got out of control and now I am cracking down on it.

The question is, how rare is this sort of thing? Is this something most people just put up with or if such a person showed up at your group would they be seen as ridiculous?

When my group gets together to play...we play. That's why we're all there...to play. You pay attention to the game, the GM, and what's going on around the table. Period. Nobody wanders off or goes to sleep or plays on their phones. That's not getting together to play D&D (or whatever game). That's just hanging out. If I was ever invited to a game group and saw that, I'd walk out then and there.

My former group constantly played together for almost 2 decades, but then came the time we barely met outside our RP sessions, so we also began to chat a lot OOC and yes, it can hurt the current GM and group too if not kept in check. I suggest at start of your next sesson/meeting that you discuss this problem but stay understanding, maybe agree on coming earlier together or staying longer from now on to just hang out and chat isntead of doing it during the game.

PS: Perhaps not being an ass to Saber and Archer would also help

Quote from: joriandrake;1012707My former group constantly played together for almost 2 decades, but then came the time we barely met outside our RP sessions, so we also began to chat a lot OOC and yes, it can hurt the current GM and group too if not kept in check. I suggest at start of your next sesson/meeting that you discuss this problem but stay understanding, maybe agree on coming earlier together or staying longer from now on to just hang out and chat isntead of doing it during the game.

Yeah, this is kind of what we have going on. However, because of everyone's tight schedules, they can't meet earlier than the game, and they can't stay much later afterwards. We DO often go out to eat together beforehand, but that doesn't include everyone. People also filter in at different times, so we often have to stop and get up and let them in an sit them down and catch them up on what is happening. When it's once it is fine but sometimes it is basically a straight hour of letting someone in, catching them up, chit chat, then someone else arriving, and so forth. Maybe I should just give up on the idea of having any semblance of order and let it become "hanging out." But it is frustrating.

QuotePS: Perhaps not being an ass to Saber and Archer would also help

The King rules all.

I can't even comprehend behavior like this. You get together to game, so game. If you want to hangout, chat, sleep, eat and other bullshit, do it another time

You might want to consider, and discuss, to have every second or third session be ONLY game. So you're still okay with having a more casual session now and then, but also a focused game oriented meeting at agreed upon times.

This isn't perfect, and it highly depends on if the other players agree and follow this rule, but if they DO follow it you can say you handled the issue well. The best chance to get them agree to it is if you don't say 'every second week', but say 'every time/second time I'm the GM' because if you're the GM players will be more likely to listen when youdecide over your own time.

Quote from: rgrove0172;1012714I can't even comprehend behavior like this. You get together to game, so game. If you want to hangout, chat, sleep, eat and other bullshit, do it another time

I understand where you're coming from, but some people just don't have "another time" to meet up. I know, I've been there with my own group.

Quote from: mAcular Chaotic;1012698I play an offline game with a lot of IRL friends, and it is mostly a social gathering.

There are a lot of off-base behaviors, like side-convos, or even going up from the table to go sleep on the couch when you're bored and so forth, or being on your phone for like 2 hours of the game, sometimes for the rest of the night. Normally I ignore this since what do you expect when people are just hanging out? But the last game it got out of control and now I am cracking down on it.

The question is, how rare is this sort of thing? Is this something most people just put up with or if such a person showed up at your group would they be seen as ridiculous?

It is very common. Some people just accept it and carry on, other people get really annoyed by it.

My view is that, as a GM, whatever makes the players happy is fine, as long as it doesn't annoy other players,

We have a player who gets sidetracked very easily, which has annoyed other players, so we have several rules in the game now:

• No mobiles when playing (Suggested by other players)
• No outside game conversations, or at least limit them to one an hour (General rule)

Another player tends to dominate the game, for the right reasons, so we have asked him to tone it down a bit. He writes the game up in a notepad, so we pointed out that the writeups read like Shan Agar (his character) and her mates, or "What Shan Agar and her friends did", so the new chronicle is subtitled "The Chronicle of the Arganauts".

One of the other players is often late to a game, so we wait for him, or start without him. Even if we play at his, he has to help put his daughter to bed, or has to eat, meaning he is just as late. We put up with this. His girlfriend is a player and joins after putting their daughter to bed and is sometimes so tired that she only takes a minor part in the game. Again, this is fine as it is the level of commitment that she can give.

I dont have the time or patience for behaviour like that.
I make it very clear before the game: either play or leave the room.
If you argue, I´ll throw you out and lock the door.
Yes, that means no phones - drop your phone now and dont touch it again... or fight me for it here and now, and if you win I´ll leave.

I just remembered, we had for a while a VERY chatty fellow with us, I handled that by making everything spoken at the table also spoken ingame. It was the most drastic measure i took.

This resulted in hilarity as the thief tried to sneak while speaking with the ranger about some TV show, or arguing before the city guards at the gate how they should trick the guards or knock them out to get in there. (don't do the second one as that was a bit too much on my part) I was usually lenient but that guy made the hair on my back stand up.

Quote from: mAcular Chaotic;1012698I play an offline game with a lot of IRL friends, and it is mostly a social gathering.

There are a lot of off-base behaviors, like side-convos, or even going up from the table to go sleep on the couch when you're bored and so forth, or being on your phone for like 2 hours of the game, sometimes for the rest of the night. Normally I ignore this since what do you expect when people are just hanging out? But the last game it got out of control and now I am cracking down on it.

The question is, how rare is this sort of thing? Is this something most people just put up with or if such a person showed up at your group would they be seen as ridiculous?

Going to sleep on couch, or 2 hours on phone, would likely result in a ban from my game - usually.

If one of my NHS nurse players turned up absolutely exhausted, then half way through apologised and went to sleep on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, I'd put a rug on her and roll with it.

If a player was in the habit of taking phone calls at the table I would tell them to stop, then dump them if they persisted. If they apologised and left the table to take an emergency call, ok, life happens.

Generally, my rule of thumb is that a game session was sucessful if not one player looked at their phone once during the 3-5 hours of the game. Recently I've had 100% on this, but I recall running high level 4e D&D there used to be a fair bit of surreptitious phone viewing.

Quote from: S'mon;1012728Going to sleep on couch, or 2 hours on phone, would likely result in a ban from my game - usually.

If one of my NHS nurse players turned up absolutely exhausted, then half way through apologised and went to sleep on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, I'd put a rug on her and roll with it.

If a player was in the habit of taking phone calls at the table I would tell them to stop, then dump them if they persisted. If they apologised and left the table to take an emergency call, ok, life happens.

Generally, my rule of thumb is that a game session was sucessful if not one player looked at their phone once during the 3-5 hours of the game. Recently I've had 100% on this, but I recall running high level 4e D&D there used to be a fair bit of surreptitious phone viewing.

I think, for sure, that part of it is on me -- D&D combat can be boring sometimes and that means people will get bored and be tempted to look at their phones. That means I need to improve my game. But I don't think that's an excuse still because there are other players in the same game who maintain 100% proper behavior.

The people who go sleep on the couch tend to be people with busy work schedules. But we ALL have busy work schedules. And it happens every time. So I dunno, it may be a necessary fact of life to have their participation, but on the other hand, I already have a more loose game with tons of people and with a more social attitude (though the same problems are present there).

I specifically made this game with a cap of 4 people and to be more focused on actual D&D, out of the same group of players.

Life is too short to put up with bullshit.

There is an old saying, "Are you here to talk or play cards."  Tell all the players to rate this on a scale, with 1 being "all talk"  and 100 being "all play cards."

Then decide your own rating.

Then disinvite anybody more than 10% off your rating.

We have a board game group.  When my work schedule lines up we meet a a pub twice a month, dinner out, beer and board games, 8 - 15 people are common.  Often I will play something qwick and then just chat afterwards.  Sometimes I won't play anything.  But in that situation the chaters don't prevent gamers from gaming.  

If you have 4 players, and one of them often racks out for half the game, he needs to go.  He clearly doesn't have time.  If someone says "sorry guys I'm beat I need to crash" I can roll with that.  And as I said before we have a guy in out Mystery on the Orient Express that falls asleep quietly in his chair every game.  But he's not disruptive, he catches back up immediately, not once have we ever had to explain to him what was happening.  And the rest of us are active, engaged, and focused on the game.  

Sounds like your players are not.  I would find that disrespectful.  I put in a lot if prep before hand and a ton of concentration during.  I do that for the players.  If the players don't care, I won't do that.

I would recommend a conversation.  Tell them you want to game not hang out.  Phones are disrespectful in every social situation.  If he's that tired don't come.  If he's that tiered every night he needs to examine his life style.  

And hey, if people are more interested in hanging out then role play, play a board game instead.  You don't have to prep, and you don't have to concentrate any more than any one else.  Turns come faster so there's no reaching for your phone.  

If people do want to role play set some rules.  No phones at the table, if you need to make a call, get up leave the room and make it.  Everyone works on cross talk.  Cut it way back.  Set aside a half hour at the start for catching up. Deal with the couch crasher.  Set a time to start, have people RSVP, if they have to be late, it shouldn't take more than 5 minutes for 1 and only 1 of the players to catch them up.  If you want to start at 8 and one person can't show up til 9 and the next at 10, don't start til 9.  Or missing half your players do something else.  

If people won't RSVP or are seriously later than they said, thats disrespectful, probably not intentionally, probably they just can't get their shit together, but eventually they stop getting invited.  

These are just my ideas for a code of conduct.  Obviously your group will need its own, everyone needs to buy in, and everyone needs to help, not enforcing them, but remibding people, getting them back on track.  

You also have to be strick with the rules on yourself.  Especially with table talk and punctuality.

Quote from: Headless;1012788I would find that disrespectful. ... thats disrespectful,

You are 100% correct.  Once again, why do people put up with shit in gaming that would not be tolerated in any other leisure activity?  Try this fuckery in a bowling league, for instance, and you'd be out in a week.

I ask again... are gamers so fucking pathetically desperate for attention that they tolerate shit no sane adult would endure for ten minutes?

Quote from: rgrove0172;1012714I can't even comprehend behavior like this. You get together to game, so game. If you want to hangout, chat, sleep, eat and other bullshit, do it another time

Agreed. But some players have shorter attention spans than others. And some really fucking shouldnt be playing any game at all.

Im used to some players fidgeting during planning stages. But I point out to them that when they have the limelight someone else is likely fidgeting while they plan.

Overall though everyone more or less pays attention and contributes at my table when Im DMing.

So theres times players come over to chat and not game. But when I've been asked to run something they sure as hell better be there to game and not chit-chat with eachother instead of gaming.

addendum: I did for a while have one player who had their computer on hand during sessions and would not stop texting with people online and it got to the point where I said turn it off or stop playing because you arent really playing. After that they made an effort to close down or just ignore till session end the chats.