Okay, kiddies. Here's another chapter of our campaign from over 24 hours ago...

At the conclusion of our battle at the ruined temple, some elven Paladin ghost named Quinariel implored us to aid him with....something.

He started with:

"Brave adventurers..!" :rolleyes: The corny dialogue agonizingly continued with a long-winded speech of utterly forgettable flavor text. MeatLips ran a pregen module without properly modifying it, so....um....I can't remember what he said, as at that point, I felt my spirit flee my body...but I think he wanted us to stop some demon chick (succubus), and do some other stuff.

I wanted to stop, and summon my next familiar, but everyone else wanted to hurry up, as MeatLips seemed to be strongly pressuring us to make haste, and go. So we went.

We collect our loot, and put into a cart pulled by Kratos. The four of us then leave the temple, and proceed to march on over to some lake near Fort Rollins to acquire a mystical jewel that can aid us in our quest. However, it's at the bottom of the lake, so only half of us can go and retrieve it. Reven and Kratos leap into the lake to get the gem, since they're both incapable of drowning. Hrothgar and Horatio stay on shore.

While making their way beneath the surface of the lake, they were attacked by a constrictor snake, which they promptly killed. Eventually, they reached a cave beneath the surface of the lake. Inside the cave, was an air pocket with a small corridor. At the end of it was a small platform with a glittering red jewel. I can't remember if they triggered a trap, but they did acquire the gem, so it's all good. A short time later, they swim back to shore.

In acquiring the gem, a shocking discovery is made:

The halfling lady of Fort Rollings, Constance Rollins is inside the gem! But somehow, we're not too excited about it. After the guys dry themselves off, we make our way to Fort Rollings. Outside the city gates, it is early morning, before sunrise, and we see an army surrounding the fort. There are hundreds of soldiers, and they're orcs!

I won't be getting into major detail here, but I'll say that Reven used the small river to sneak into the fort, and then spoke with the halfling, Conrad Rollings, who was in a panicky state at the time. They sent Salman's owl familiar, Telema, to our position.

Eventually, some hippogriffs came over, and flew us into the town over the heads of the startled orcs. Sadly, we're forced to temporarily abandon a cartload of weapons in the woods behind enemy lines.

So we're inside, and eventually.....the inevitable happens. With a loud roar,  the battle begins as the orc storm the walls. Reven breathes fire, Hrothgar shoots bolts of lightning, Horatio fires his crossbow bolts, and at some point, Kratos leaps off the battlements onto some siege engine standing outside the walls, and gets into a crazy melee with a shitload of orcs.

Despite our attacks, the orcs, and some other huge orc bruiser eventually smash their way through the front gate. Kratos leaps back onto the battlements. He's slapping the orcs around, but not killing too many of them. It seems all of the orcs have 35 or 40 hps. :rolleyes: Before too many orcs enter the fort, Hrothgar casts Wood Shape, and reseals the gate with a bass relief of a giant frog! :froggy:

The battle continues as we're attacked by a succubus! Hrothgar is having major problems with this chick, as she shrugs off his lightning and his hammer, so he's forced to resort to fire (Flaming Sphere spell), but that only provides him a temporary reprieve, until Horatio saves his bacon with some well-aimed missile attacks. It is then that one of the hippogriffs slams into her, and drives her away. Hrothgar then launches that Flaming Sphere at the orc bruiser, and we all try to clusterfuck him. After everyone gangs up on him, Reven kills him with his magic aura, and the orc bruiser dies in flames. The other orcs inside the walls surrender, but Reven just torches 'em.

At this point, the orcs cease their attack. We hear loud wailing in the distance, as the orcs withdraw from the walls.

A thought. The latest game session gave us a "not-so-fresh" feeling. Last week's adventure inside the temple was cool, but this week, once Senor DM started to read the flavor text in this pregenerated adventure module provided by that fucking lame elven ghost, everything else went downhill. I can't even begin to explain what went wrong with this session, but let's just say that this Monday night's game wasn't working for us. It was like a mouthful of goat.

Anyway, here's a list of monsters defeated, and items acquired...

MONSTERS DEFEATED

* Constrictor Snake (1)
* Orc Bruiser (1)
* Succubi (2, not dead)
* Orcs (?)

INVENTORY

ITEM....................................................................................................VALUE

* Gem of Entrapment (red gem, variation of Magic Jar, has Constance Rollings trapped in it)..............................................................................................................?
* Metal Cylinder (contains scroll, written ritual involving gem, succubi spell prison component)..............................................................................................?

P.S. I'd just like to say that I'm not trying to bash MeatLips. Not every session is going to be pure gold, but this one just didn't work for us; that's all.

Next week, Hrothgar (my character) is gonna be summoning his raven familiar. I think this will be a more appropriate sidekick than the cats. We'll see how it goes....:raven:

It's pretty bad when even the DM is so bored he forgets how many orce's you kill....

So as long the DM is game for saturday, its's saturday evening at Meatlips house.

hey meatlips, no excuses like going to see a play now.

It's a go at meatlips house Saturday night.

Aaaaaand....our latest session.

After the Orcs temporarily withdrew from the fortress walls, we regrouped, and tried to formulate a plan. The Elven sorceress, Malakara (or whatever she is) called out to us, and demanded our surrender, saying that if we did so, the townsfolk would be spared. We insisted on a personal meeting to discuss the terms.

Eventually, we met with Malakara in her personal tent, and her half-dozen Orcish bodyguards, to iron out the terms of the surrender. Now....theoretically, Malakara was also supposed to be a succubus (maybe) or something. I wasn't quite able to figure it out. Well, whatever. Anyway, after some discussion, we inform her that we will only surrender the town if Malakara's mother (the [other?] succubus) will parley with us personally. She informs us that her mother is recovering from our previous battle, and can only provide us with an answer later on, so we all decide to reconvene the discussion five hours hence.

We then return to Fort Rollings, and discuss things with the people there. Some of the people there are:

* Gorag Ironweave (town smith)
* Hawkeye (Elven hunter)
* Conrad Rollings (Halfling; son of Constance Rollings)
* Melody (Bardic babe)
* Saliman (old Wizard, formerly Malakara's teacher)
* Telema (Saliman's owl familiar)

We reveal to them our discovery: the Gem of Entrapment. This crimson jewel has the spirit of Constance Rollings trapped inside via a modified Magic Jar spell. At first, we hide our discovery from Conrad, for fear of him becoming hysterical. Meanwhile, Constance Rollings is as trapped in that jewel as a fly in amber...

Later, our five hours are up, and we return to Malakara's tent to discuss the final terms of the surrender. She's there with her half-dozen bodyguards again. We ask her if her mother will discuss the terms with us personally, but she informs us that this will not happen. Well, that does it. Reven (Mutt) wastes no time, and breathes a gout of fire on her, and her Orcish bodyguards. Hrothgar (my character) then unleashes a bolt of lightning on them as well.

We then become engaged in a massive melee within the confines of this large tent. Kratos (imurrx) crashes through the table, and grapples with Malakara, while Reven and Hrothgar fight the Orcs. During all this, one of the Orcs is grappling with Kratos, while Malakara manages to launch a Magic Missile spell (four glowing arrows) at Hrothgar. Hrothgar then launches his own Magic Missile (three glowing arrows) right back at her. Take that, She-Bitch! :emot_haw:

At some point, while Reven is swinging his sword wildly at the Orcs, injuring and killing some of them, she gets to her feet again, and before Kratos can grab her, she casts Lightning Bolt at us. The DM keeps rolling dice, over and over and over again, so we figure that if we get hit by this shit, we'll be absolutely fucked. It is then that imurrx and I formulate a "shocking" plan....

Before her Lightning Bolt can be completely unleashed, Hrothgar casts an altered version of Lightning Bolt as a counterspell. Yep. It doesn't happen often, but it did happen tonight. Her precious bolt of lightning goes off, and is then nullified in a harmless field of crackling energy. Owned. :emot_haw:

She runs out of the back door of the tent, while her last Orcish bodyguard draws interference. Hrothgar zaps him with a bolt of electricity. Horatio (imurrx) has run to the tent by now, and after Malakara exits the tent, she effects a startling transformation. She grows small horns, and large bat-like wings sprout from her back. She doesn't look like an Elf now, but more like a Succubus. This is our chance. While she transforms, we jump her. Reven, Hrothgar, and Kratos physically restrain her, before the Orcs can reach them, and carry her back forcefully to the fortress. The Orcs are chasing us like crazy, screaming bloody murder. Since we're unable to go through the front gate (the front gate is fused shut), we instead use the large siege engine right next to the fortress to make our way back over the walls.

Arrows are flyin' everywhere. The Orcs are shooting arrows at us, the fortress, the villagers, everywhere. The villagers fire arrows back, giving us some cover fire to keep the Orcs from running us down. MeatLips isn't making this part clear, but it's safe to say that Malakara is kicking and screaming the entire way back inside the fortress.

Okay, so we have her, but what do we do with her? Some suggest we kill her, others suggest to tie her to a pole, but it is then that I suddenly feel another spurt of inspiration. While Reven, Kratos, Horatio, and another villager restrain her, she is brought toward a large slab of stone. Malakara senses something's up. So does the DM. She kicks, screams, and struggles, but is unable to break free. After being brought toward the large stone slab, Hrothgar casts Stone Shape, causing the stone to fuse around her like a living thing, until she now resembles a statue. She is entombed alive....

You'd think it was over, but it's not. Somehow, we got some information that Malakara was really a Half-Orc that masqueraded as some Bardic babe named Aria, and used some magic item or something to enable her to resemble a Succubus. I don't really understand this, but okay. Whatever.

We hear a scream from above, and a woman with shadowy bat wings plummets from the sky, down at us. Before she can reach us, Horatio recites the incantation from the scroll; the one meant to imprison a Succubus. What I wish Horatio said was:

"Klaatu...barada...nikto!

Well, Horatio recited the words, completed the incantation, and the Succubus then vanished with a terrible scream. In her place, was the stunned Halfling body of Constance Rollings. Her son runs over, crying, and they embrace. We saved the day, right? Everything is milk and rainbows and puppy dogs, right?

WRONG.

At the last instant, the Succubus summoned a Balor. :jaw-dropping:



Yeah. Picture a 12-foot-tall demonic creature sheathed in crimson fire, with huge wings and claws. Now imagine that thing demolishing the entire fortress, and everyone in it. It's easy, if you try. Apparently, the adventure module our DM (Senor Kramer/MeatLIps) was using had it so there was a small chance of it showing up. Of course, he quickly realized his enormous mistake. We could have had the help of the entire fortress, and that thing would still have slaughtered everyone and everything. This was beyond silly. We couldn't fight this thing. Of course, you have to give Mutt credit, because he actually tried, though I think he didn't realize at first how much trouble we were in (because initially, MeatLips didn't realize it himself, as he's still a somewhat new DM), or that the thing practically ignored him when he breathed fire on it, and remained unimpressed when he attacked it with his sword.

What I wish had happened was that the old Wizard, Saliman, would have stepped forward in front of the Demon, staff in hand, and shouted:

"You...shall...not...pass!" And then a rift should have opened up in the earth, and swallowed them both.

But that didn't happen.

What did happen, is that the villagers panicked, and actually managed to smash their way through the front gate, in order to escape this beast. When the Orcs tore into them, they stopped in shock at the monstrosity before them. Honestly, who can blame them?

Well, Senor Kramer realized the enormity of his error, and probably reasoned that since the Succubus was defeated, and that a Balor attack would have raped us (we can't outrun it, we can't outfight it, and there's an army of Orcs waiting outside), he decided to be sensible, and had the thing assault the Orcs instead. After many screams from outside the walls, we decided we'd had enough, and that the day was won. This adventure was officially over. Thankfully.

After all this crap, the characters "recharged their cookies" (restored their spells and infusions), and Hrothgar finally summoned his Raven familiar! Yeah...:raven:

So we all somehow survived, Hrothgar got his bird buddy, the fortress and its denizens remained largely intact, and Constance Rollings was restored to the Land of the Living. So...not bad.

P.S. I'll list the monsters we defeated later. It took a while to write this, so I'll finish this up tomorrow..

:raven: Taste like

I think we should tale the statue and the half orc's head with us. We should have a mosulium in the man cave. Now, before we go, we should have Constance commision statues in our honor so all eager travelers will gaze on the heroic battles we have accomplished.

god that sounds so nerdy! still it would be cool.

Quote from: Mutt;294243:raven: Taste like

Hey! Stop that. :raven:

Here is an updated list of the stuff we got.

http://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=pdCUDQoWkh4uigPFY44EbCA&gid=0

Now, I have assigned the +2 dagger to Reven, and Fiend to Hrothgar The value numbers may seem a little skewed. Fiend is a 45000 item, dagger is 8000

I found the Bag of devouring is 15500 and has 620 xp to craft.

Eventually I think we need to dismantle Fiend and use it's 1400 xp for crafting weapons for the group. The only thing we need more gold.  

Reven, Hrothgar and Kratos could use it to make some cool items. right now Horatio can make potions, scrolls, wondrous items, Armor, Weapons and Hummoluci.

So, a +2 enhanced weapon/armor costs 160 xp and 2000 gold to craft.

For example, for Horatio I created the following for my guy. I made my bolt action rifle, +2 gloves of dexterity, Artificer Monocle, and +2 Bracer's of Armor. For Kratos, I have created an imbeded compnent that will automatically heal Kratos if he falls into negative hit point territory; it has the potential of saving him if he is at -26 (if maximum rolled and Overloaded metabolism has not been used)

So far I only have gone over used 18 xps above my reserve.

I have 380 craft points to use now before I go up another level.

Alrighty, gentlemen.....I'm gonna list all the monsters we faced, right from the beginning of this adventure. I'm listing all the monsters defeated since we entered Saliman's Tower, plus I'm adding in a few creative things we did that might garner us some extra xps. If I leave anything out, please let me know..

Monsters Defeated in Saliman's Tower

* Orcs (18)
* Orcs (
* Orcs clusterfucked by Kratos (50)
* Burly Elite Orcs (7)
* Rescue Saliman

Monsters Defeated in Ruined Temple

* Earth Elemental (1)
* Orc Warriors (24)
* Skeletons (12)
* Orc Spellcaster (1)
* Transforming the sarcophagus into a stone frog :froggy:
* Assist Ghost of Elven Paladin

Monsters Defeated at Lake Rollings

* Constrictor Sea Snake (1)

Monsters Defeated at Fort Rollings

* Orc Bruiser (1)
* Orc Warriors (30)
* Reven sneaking into Fort Rollings
* Sealing the front gate with a Wood Shape spell, creating bass relief of a frog :froggy:
* Using a counterspell to prevent the entire party from being destroyed by Malakara with a deadly Lightning Bolt
* Malakara (Half-Orc/Elf/Succubus/Other?)
* Orc Bodyguards in tent (6)
* Sealing Malakara into a slab of stone via the Stone Shape spell
* Succubus (1)
* Constance Rolling freed after Horatio recited incantation, and defeated Succubus

Oh, and by the way.....the Balor does not count as a defeat. That thing was so powerful that all it managed to be was a plot device. But anyway, there we go. I'll list the treasure later..

So I computed the XP based on what I had in my notes as well as what Sac Lamb had posted here, and I've arrived at a number. I did this using the Unearthed Arcana CR table. Sorry Horatio, but going by that table, you don't get any extra cookies. What it does say is that since you are lower level, it costs less for you to go up. So the percentages average out.

So without any further delay... here's the total:

The group receives 59752 experience points. This means that each character gets 14938xp apiece.

Regarding this fine evening of gaming we have planned for Mutt's house, I do not have a new campaign prepared as of yet. I need some more time to write one. So I guess y'all can spend the time leveling up.

slacker

Quote from: Sacrificial Lamb;294218You'd think it was over, but it's not. Somehow, we got some information that Malakara was really a Half-Orc that masqueraded as some Bardic babe named Aria, and used some magic item or something to enable her to resemble a Succubus. I don't really understand this, but okay. Whatever.

How could you possibly forget the arcane methods I used to explain that character to the players??

Simple, I TOLD YOU when the campaign was finally over! Knuckle-head. I also revealed that she had a ring of polymorph self. So you did not magically receive any information regarding that while you were actually playing.

Scratching that little comment off the DM Failure List. Punk.

i found the adventure you used on scribd.com, yea it's a donkey.  I can see the potential of it, but it needed a few other redirects. Infact, when trying to piece together the value of the stuff, there is no refference. Second, there is not enough loot to match the challenge of the players. A  lot of loose ends.

I plugged the numbers in that spread sheet and got a much lower number for xp's That does not show for traps or solving certain problems.

Well, That number does change a few things. I guess we are all 8's now.

Quote from: imurrx;294469Well, That number does change a few things. I guess we are all 8's now.

I always thought I was a ten.