Games often encode virtual violence into their play. It's harmless and we enjoy the competition and thrill of winning. But referees should not lose sight of the reality of what we're playing at. Here's a few concepts for referees to consider...

Be Prepared - I'm sure referees have all come across the player who is prepared for anything. His equipment, usually quite lavish, is carefully tailored for every conceivable situation and deployed in handy places to ensure that he can find whatever he needs. Sound familiar? The truth is, warriors in the real world don't do this. They prefer simple convenient solutions, because in the heat of the moment, complexity causes confusion no matter what the player tells you. Carrying a whole inventory of equipment should be discouraged, because the more clutter about your person, the less freedom of action you have. Worse, you might get entangled in all that gear you carry. It's a truth about soldiering in history that new recruitments dump all the stuff they thought they were going to need as they march to the front.

Be Ready - When someone is suprised, our reactions are guided by training and experience provided we don't fall victim to panic or shock. Some of this depends on personality of course, some are naturally calm whilst others freak out or freeze. Were they alert, paying attention, or trying to tie up their bootlaces when something happens? Were they fit. healthy, or feeling unwell after three days of torturous exercise and little sleep in a disease ridden swamp? In suprise encounters, players should be surpised.

Be Sensible - So the players fancy a pint at the local tavern and stroll in expecting a bit of fun, only to encounter a bitter rival who they must defeat. How many times have the players gone socialising dressed for battle? You'd think someone would notice. Or those clothes that yesterday were burned, ripped, dragged through mud and slime in some deep dungeon are now considered suitable when trying to impress elite warriors? It's human nature (unfortunately) that we observe fashion and dress up for the occaision. First impressions count. Have players dress appropriately if the want to fit in. And the right to bear arms does not mean it's the right thing to do, regardless of possible encounters.

Be Afraid - The game element of RPG's tends to isolate players from the actual experience of violent situations (that's why we enjoy it) but at the same time, players seem to assume that anything opposing them is going to be defeated by the same sword and spell rituals they always employ. Give the players a clue about what's going on besides asking for dice rolls. That goblin is small, weak, and surely couldn't handle the sword armed and heavily armoured fighter? But what if that goblin was actually a master of the art of Kzz-Nagr, the goblin equivalent of Bushido? The first thing you do after that first melee round is tell the player that this goblin is no walkover. And say it like you mean it. In fact, it might be an idea to give players an idea of what sort of opposition they're going to get. The dice rolls still count of course and luck doesn't always go the players way. And when they meet that Balrog in the depths of a hell wrought cavern? You're seriously going to attack it? Do you know what that thing can do?

Be Creative - Formal one on one melee are the stuff of RPG contests. Sometimes though initiative and creativity should be rewarded. Two similar examples from history. The first is from a battle where a single beserk warrior was holding off an entire army trying to cross a wooden bridge. So one guy waded through the water, carefully positioned himself underneath, and thrust upward with a spear. That won the battle. The second was an assassin who was trying to kill an enemy nobleman. He hid at the bottom of a toilet shaft - yes, in all that refuse - and waited for his target to avail himself of the facility whereupon he too thrust upward with a spear. Job done. If a player genuinely suprises you with a great idea, be favourable. If he acts like a total idiot, don't worry, a dice roll will fail him sooner or later.

I hope the above makes you consider your approach to situations. The style of gameplay is up to you of course.

I have some small issues which I'll keep brief: you carry into battle and adventure what you NEED and often you find what you NEED to be more varied and specialized than you thought. An adventurer carrying just a sword and shield is going to find himself under equipped and uncomfortable, at every opportunity. Both in historical and modern context, soldiers carried quite a bit of equipment on them or with them. Experience teaches you when and where you will need an item and do you want to be three days into the wilderness without a pot to boil water or a filtration system to remove the bacteria? And pray tell where do you keep such items? In your ruck, or on a pack animal if you have one. You certainly don't just not have it. No sane person is going to venture into the wilderness just expecting to find clean water and edible plants at every step. All of this burden is easy to doff at a moment's notice when battle breaks out. How much time do you think it takes to shrug your shoulders and let your pack fall?

Very good points. Real fight/violence is random, scary. In TTRPG, one rule I did like was Twilight 2000 having an "Keep cool under fire" skill, which was required to be able to do anything else than hiding during a firefight.

Regarding "be ready" - I was first inspired by this article,

https://christian-gamers-guild.org/2017/04/18/keeping-their-heads-down/

which offers a T2K-esque approach of rolling to act usefully in each combat round. I dislike adding more dice rolls to each combat round as it slows things down, and players will be sceptical that their (as they see it) badarse freezes or pointlessly repeats their previous action. So I made a stat "Readiness", which ranges from +0 to +3.

Readiness represents how many actions a character gets in a combat round or other kind of crisis, and adds to surprise and initiative throws (d6). It applies in things like car crashes, etc - lots of people do nothing useful in a crisis, regardless of personal risk, so it's not fear we're talking about.

Combatants with Readiness+0 may still ambush others - they throw a d6 with circumstantial modifiers vs the victim's own throw, the difference is the number of actions they get in a surprise round. But in non-surprise rounds the Readiness+0 person cannot act usefully at all, only dropping prone.

Readiness comes from your background, one of impoverished, working, middle or upper class. The lower your class, the more likely you are to have a level of Readiness. Anyone who has a combat skill also gets +1 to Readiness. When the GM sees fit, a character may improve a level of Readiness because of their experiences.

Readiness may also be boosted by someone with Leadership expertise making a successful throw, "You, go do that!", by a psych-up, drugs and so on.

Readiness is reduced a level if the person comes under automatic fire, or single-shot fire from 3 or more combatants. That's "suppression".

A further point you haven't considered is the psychological cost of crisis situations and violence. There's a reason that, for example, Ambulance Victoria staff get a total of five months' leave every two years (spread out, not in one go). They need it. Likewise, prudent commanders only deploy their troops to a cobat zone for about six months every 2-3 years - more than that and people get burned out and useless, or even worse start committing war crimes.

Of course this is a depressing topic and nobody really wants to roleplay PTSD and substance abuse and marriage breakdown. But if you're going to talk about the importance of realism, understand that there are some realistic aspects you're choosing to ignore - and then don't judge people for ignoring other realistic aspects such as those you've listed.

Those are really nice points. I especially like the "Be Afraid" one. Describing an enemy in a way that conveys the danger they pose is extremely important in setting the scene and having your players experience what their PCs would actually be experiencing.